Screams


Loud, piercing screams into the night.

There were sounds of crashing plates and items hitting the walls. The neighbors’ lights remained off. No one called the cops.

Why should they?

No one wanted his trouble. No one wanted to be beaten up by a bunch of thugs from nowhere even though they knew who had sent them.

No one wanted to be involved in that drama as they had tried previously to intervene only to be hurt in the end.

‘Let go of me!’, she yelled to his face, beating his sturdy chest as hard as her weak limbs could.

Blood ran down her nose to her lips into her mouth mixing with the tears that flowed from her eyes. His grip around her slim waist was tight. She felt if he held it any tighter she would break in two. She scratched his rugged face and cried out for him to leave her alone but he replied with another blow to her already bruised face. He pushed her to the floor as she tried desperately to find something, anything to hit him with but the lamp, the stool, or the shoes were just too far from her reach.

He rammed her head to the wooden floorboard and ripped off her gown followed by her underwear which had stitches in various parts.

There were cuts and bruises around her groin; evidence of the previous incessant assaults she had been receiving. He grinned and licked his lips at the sight of her private part. A part which wasn’t private anymore for it had been violated, consistently by a man that was supposed to be her all.

He was to be everything positive in her life. Her shining light; the one to wipe away her tears when she cried at night, to tell her everything was going to be okay; the one to smile at her when she felt weak; the one to give her a reason to live but instead he had become her worst nightmare.

A monster under her bed, in her closet; a demon that haunted her every footstep… a thorn in her heart.

She bit her bruised lower lip as he forcefully entered her causing so much pain inside. She felt her thighs go wet. It wasn’t him. She knew it because she had felt it before. Blood ran down her thighs as he thrust inside her deeply. There was no point trying to reach for anything. It was already too late. The tears couldn’t flow anymore.

What tears did she have to cry?

He had beaten it out of her. She laid there on the floor, her face away from his trying to avoid his grunts and breath which reeked of alcohol and weed.

SURPRISED? She wasn’t.

It was his signature scent. The one he carried in and out of the door. The one he leaves on her after he is done breaking what remained of her fragile bones.

She stared at the base of the door, through the opening between the door and the floor. She could see the street lamp and the light that it shone.

The light she had been deprived of, that she hungered for so much.

Tears began to flow but it wasn’t caused by the pain in her belly or that from her badly bruised lady parts but from the one in her heart.

He thrust even harder now.

The pain increased but she didn’t flinch. She had found a bit of solace in that light. The one she lacked in her life; a life that she felt seeping out of her slowly.

She cracked a weak smile. It had been a long time since she smiled or felt harmony in any part of her shattered life.

He moaned out loud as he released inside of her and let out a devilish laugh when he was done. He collapsed on her, breathing heavily and letting out sighs of satisfaction. He got up and buckled his pants. He spat and kicked her open legs close together.

‘Clean this mess up you lazy worthless whore. You’re just like your mother. Only ever useful for one thing’

He grabbed the left over bottle of beer which had been on the table behind him and walked away.

She lay there as still as a corpse. Her face bruised, her lips swollen, her clothes torn and her lady parts bruised with blood seeping out slowly but in her heart she felt peace; she felt hope and calm.

She was hurt but amazingly had nothing against this man.

She felt joy as she stood at the lamp post, staring at her battered body lying on the floorboard through the space between the floor and the door from that house across the street where no one tried to help for fear of their lives.

******************

Classic case of another father – daughter relationship that just went beyond what it is supposed to be.

Most times, since it doesn’t affect anyone around us or close to home we don’t know the effect it has on people, the trauma it causes.

These things happen so much around us but victims are scared to confide in people, seek help and report the offender.

And frankly do we blame them?

If you were in their shoes, what will you do?

How can we help such people?

What role can we play in reducing the amount of such cases and getting people to step forward if and when abused.

Please use the comment box to speak your mind and share a view with us.

Cheers.

P.S this was written by a friend who has chosen to remain anonymous and myself.

2days To Go

2days To Go

Say No To Cheating


#teamfaithful

    The Concept Behind Cheating.

Welcome once again to the Ugly Truth, sorry I haven’t really been writing here lately. I have been preparing to appear on some blogs ( yes the love doctor is now in popular demand) hence my absence.

Also I have been working hard on the ‘Date Days’ series, look at the picture below. :D

I have squeezed a little time out to write on a topic that has been appearing in so many conversations, tweets, blogs e.t.c. Yes it’s the almighty ‘CHEATING’.

I am not talking about dubbing in exams and other stuff like that(go to jamb/waec website for that one), but that thing that happens when a guy/girl decides to go and eat out of another cherry that doesn’t belong to them.

I have had conversations with different people over the last two weeks about this and they made it sound like it was cool and that there was nothing wrong with it.

Before y’all attack me, I know it’s the 21st century and I should get on with it right? I say hold up and hear me out.

We are all Christians or Muslims right? I know the Bible very well and I know it frowns strongly against fornication and Adultery. I am not a 100% sure about it but I’m supremely confident the Quran does say so too right? Someone tell me I am right.

Except I missed the memo, these rules haven’t changed one bit so why are we all saying/acting otherwise.

Don’t get me wrong, I am no saint and have made a few mistakes in this short life I have had.

But i will NEVER go out to brag to people that I was having “extra-marital” affairs or anything like that because believe me i will feel ashamed. You might think you are cool when doing this but in hindsight you will realise you are the fool.

What’s there to brag about not being able to remain truthful to someone you are in a relationship with and openly profess your love for?

But people(especially we guys) go about doing this and expect our spouses to be faithful to us as well? Oh no no!!! Life doesn’t work that way.

They say Karma is a female dog abi? Oh well…..

Let this not be you.

Mind you cheating for me doesn’t start when there is physical contact between the two said people. I believe there is something called emotional cheating.

In simple terms, your body is in a relationship but your mind is no longer there but for reasons unknown you refuse to just bone the relationship or get serious. Sounds Familiar? Guessed so

The minute you start to get irritated with your better half and you don’t see a reason to bridge the gap quickly and just go and sulk about the place, you are bound to find someone else’s arm to fall into.

This can lead anywhere and I mean anywhere.

If you really like a person and decide to go into an “exclusive” relationship with them I feel you owe it to them to be faithful and be of your best behaviour.

Why start looking for something on the side or put yourself in a situation where you know you will be tempted to get something from someone outside?

Surely the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Or is it?

I also think it is rather hurtful to both yourself and your other half to be cheating on them. Its rather MEAN if you ask me.

Don’t do it because all your friends are doing it and encouraging you to do as well.

Don’t be fooled because it’s a societal Norm. IT IS WRONG.

The minute I decided that I was going to remain a faithful husband/boyfriend sometime in 2007, I became a better person for it.
It gives me a very satisfying feeling to remain true and faithful to anyone I am with at any point in time.

Yes I have been called names and dissed but frankly “I DON’T CARE”.

I know many will say “I have tried” or “it is hard” but don’t give up.

It’s the end times and trust me to Err is human so do not despair and beat yourself down, and also don’t just accept it and do nothing about it, you can still change your ways whether you are Married or Unmarried.

I think our generation owes it to our unborn kids to give them a better legacy than this rubbish one we have inherited from our own parents and fine-tuned to please our needs and nature.

If i can change i am very sure you can too. Yes you.

No matter how tempted you are, JUST SAY NO.

If you don’t like my own views feel free to share your own views and why?

If you like my views, well thank you and continue that way.

Cheers

Its Date Days Baby

Who Is The Victim?


Frustration

No need for any introductions, @Terdoh has my entire blog to himself today, Enjoy people.

Four score and two decibels ago, my parents used to beat me. It was love at first crack (of the whip). They could beat me for not farting, beat me for farting, beat me for waking up too early, beat me for sleeping late, beat me for eating too much, beat me for wasting food, beat me because they hadn’t beaten me that day, and beat me because they just did.

And I took it. Like a tiv man should.

But in this age, we are encouraged not to ‘beat your kids’, encouraged not to use violent methods or techniques, encouraged to talk to them, encouraged to spare the horse whip and use the tongue tip. We are encouraged to spoil our kids and that is what we do. That is what I DID.

It is my undoing. If I didn’t heed the ‘encouragement’, I wouldn’t be sitting in this cell. Here’s how it started:

In the beginning, God made the heavens and the earth. But you guys already know that, so let’s skip to a more recent time.

I got married 20 years ago. Long time isn’t it?! It was lovely. It was love at first sight when I saw her afro swaying in the haze of the club light and I knew that I wanted her. And after spitting all the game I had accumulated from FIFA Sports over the years, I finally got her to do the windeck and plank with me. Best night of my life. Jamie Foxx wouldn’t understand!

Then she got pregnant. I didn’t mind. I got to keep this goddess of beauty and frankly, I considered myself lucky! We got married a couple of months after, and then she had my baby.
And died during childbirth.

Too bad the little ‘angel’ didn’t go with her. I was devastated, but I decided that my crown jewel would find both a father and a mother in me. So I brought her up myself, and I pampered her silly! I would never let anyone or anything hurt her. I recall fighting with numerous teachers on her behalf and she could always run to me for support. I was her refuge, her knight, her best friend, her dad.

I should never have forgotten that. I was her dad. I should never have let it get to that point. “What point” you ask? Lemme explain. She grew up to look just like her mother. (Don’t they all?) And one day, this happened;

She wanted to go on tour with her ‘celebrity’ boyfriend. And for someone who particularly loves that annoying song with the words “dull” and “don’t”, I wasn’t going to allow her run loose without my watchful eyes on her. I wasn’t being overprotective, I was being a father. So, of course, I said no.
Then she slapped me.

At that moment, when I looked at her face, I saw my wife. I just stared, dumbstruck at her, and I couldn’t lift a finger to do anything. She went on the tour without my permission, but that was only the beginning of my problems. After that incident, it became a daily routine. Wake up in the morning, bath, brush, dress up, eat food that I cooked, ask me for something expensive, and if I decline or deny her, slap me.

It got to a start one day when she said she wanted to change her Peruvian hair to Brazilian in the space of two weeks.

Her: Femi, I want to change my hair. (Yes, we were on a first name basis. BFFs and tins.)
Me: But you changed it last week, and it cost me two fortunes and one antique painting. I don’t even see what the difference is.
Her: This is Peruvian and I don’t like it. I want a new one. And I don’t expect you to fuck me up like you’re used to doing.
Me: The answer, honey, is no! I could buy you a hair pin that says “Brazilian Hair” if that will make any difference. But as far as getting Brazilian hair for you is concerned, you are On Your Own like a house in Ibadan.

And this is when she slapped me…for the last time.

I have never been so angry before. I pushed over the kitchen table, and started beating her to a pulp! How could she dare?! Lay one more finger on me again? I think not! I grabbed a kitchen knife and cut them all off! But why stop there? I cut off her limbs and gave her a nice H&M short sleeve look to sport. Then that head…that head that just had to have Brazilian hair. That head had to go!
By the time I was done, she looked like she was fresh out a thriller video. Then the gravity of what just happened hit me

Now I’m in this cell wondering if I could have continued to bear what was actually my fault and avoided this.

But pause to ask yourself, who is the real victim here?

This story is purely fictional, Maybe? At least in this part of the world it’s really not that prominent, but i have seen children disrespect and show total disregard for their folks by the use of words which i have to say can at times be worse than any physical abuse or at least a decent substitute.

What Could have been done differently?

If you were FEMI, what steps would you have taken to avoid this or what do you do now?

what role does our Up-bringing play on who we become later on?

Have you witnessed an abusive relationship before? How did it affect you?

What did you do to overcome the trauma?

Do share an opinion.(‘Firsts’ and ‘Nice Posts’ are only acceptable as long as you come back to say something.)

Cheers People.

Its Date Days Baby

The Way You Are


I have had a very very short time on earth and in that little period I have seen so many people underrate themselves, under-value themselves and some just plainly look at themselves and see absolutely nothing worthy. To me, this is simply a recipe for disaster.

Human beings will seek to get as much as they can from such people, be it physical or material as long as they are sure that you don’t know your worth and are simply looking for people to approve of you.

Well today, true to my style and theme I write this to all insecure girls out there and hope this helps you.

I can’t speak for everyone out there but for myself I would say, I’m a decent guy(at least many babes have told me so) :p and I will like to believe that there are a number of decent guys out there.

I tend to always want to look out for the best in people. Half the time I ignore their faults and although it comes back to haunt me a lot I always feel I have done my teeny weeny bit in helping the person.

And if I tell a girl I like her, tharizzit for me. But I’ve come to learn that many girls will rather block someone out because of insecurity issues and other related woman palaver but how I wish that for that moment in time they will just trust that we are not all out to ‘use and dump’ you.

This is my Motto:
If I meet a girl and she thinks she is ugly, not my fault, I like you just the way you are.

If I tell you I like your feet and you tell me you think you have ‘yams’, I like you just the way you are.

You hide a part of you when we are in deep conversations, well I would like you to give me more but still I like you just that way.

I tell you that you have a wonderful shape and all you see is a fat blurb, well I like you just the way you are.

I tell you that you have nice eyes, you say you need contact lenses, I like you just that way.

I tell you that you have a great sense of humor but you keep hiding that part of you because your ‘ex’ didn’t like you, I still like you that way.

I tell you that you dress well but you like going out mostly at night so that people won’t scrutinize you that much, well I like you that way.

Believe me just this once and let us together come out of this dark alley you find yourself in.

All I’m saying is, not all guys want a perfect girl and a girl that is ‘all that’. All we want is someone who is comfortable in their own skin and who is ready to learn and improve herself. #shikena

But you see, even as a decent guy there is a limit to which I can ignore your insecurities and not allow it affect me.

Another ‘decent’ guy might not be so patient and quickly move on to the next P and leave you in a worse condition.

Other guys will happily do ‘chop & clean mouth’. (God dey)

You need to start to see a better you before anyone else will see a better you.

You need to build your confidence and not depend on your mood or state of mind to know whether to smile or not.

There is someone out there that will fall absolutely and madly in love with you ‘THE WAY YOU ARE’ but you have to be ready and allow them love you. If not, they will get away.

Now you might ask how does someone go from being insecure to being a confident person.

*inserts beyonce’s Who Run The World*
I might not like her but in ‘your own world’ you have to first believe that you run it. You are in charge of your life and only you can determine what goes on in there.

You have to have a great structure support i.e. Family and friends. Refer to my post on this topic so that you understand who and what friends and family really are and the role they are to play.

For me, you have to have a personal and wonderful relationship with GOD. There are things that only He can understand and will definitely just calm your nerves and give you an unexplainable warmth in your heart. Don’t believe me, Try it today?

Ask yourself this question: when you wake up in the morning and look at the mirror what do you see?

So, again I have come with all my crazy and funny stuff I know, I wrote this 1month ago but it didn’t feel right to post it then.

Insecurity has robbed people of discovering themselves. Now all we see is people bending themselves to fit the ‘spec’ of the person they are with at any particular time. This is so not right! Or is it?

What’s your take on the whole issue?

How can you and I be of help to people that are insecure?

How can we make relationshiposphere a better place?

As usual share your opinions in the comment box.
Cheers.

P.S. For the first time I wrote on someone else’s blog and tried my hands on humour. Check it out at http://kevinwithanl.wordpress.com , its titled Must Read. Lemme know what you think. Thanks.

Adieu Dr. Bassey Obono


Dr. Bassey Obono

Today the 6th of July should have been a day we all celebrated in my neighborhood. This year, we Can’t. My brother @seunbule writes here and tells us why.

Dr. Bassey Obono, my best friend, my brother and my colleague.

Everyday i wake up, i always thank God that i experienced what it is to have a friend who really understood the word ‘friendship’ and what it entailed.

The sad events of January 31st, 2011 have deprived me of this, i have chosen not cry despite the fact that the thought of you leaving still makes tears fill my eyes. I have chosen rather to remember the good times we shared as close friends.

Our childhood days in National Orthopaedic Hospital will forever remain cherished in my heart.

We were one big family with the with the Enadeghes, Tijanis, Onubogus, Akpamas, popoolas, solankes with all our family friends itching to spend their holidays in ‘IGBOBI’ because of the tight bonds we all had.

We all looked forward to 4pm then so we could ride bicycles(of which you and i were always coming tops). Wonderful times we spent playing football, you were a marvelous goalkeeper and transformed yourself to the best defender ever when you got older.

You had an amazingly artistic mind and this is evident by how many games you came up with back then. Crime City Chase, robocop and ninja turtles(on paper) e.t.c.

seun and bassey wayyyyy back.

Our days in Kings college when your dad took us all in the morning and my dad came to pick us up in the afternoon.

Even though we were not in the same arm, we maintained our friendship and when femi and i were chucked off into boarding house i remember times when i was on your neck to go to my folks to send us pocket money and food(laughs) and you never complained and i still believe i owe you for that.

We started A’ Level classes  and wrote the exams together and proceeded to medical school but in different institutions. I must confess that this brought a strain in our closeness as the distance between both schools coupled with the fact that we hardly came home because of the nature of our courses. I thank God we pulled through.

You started your Housemanship before me at LUTH as i remember you received the call up letter when we were both watching a football match during the 2010 world cup.

I rounded up my program and quickly rushed to come join you at LUTH and when this eventually came to pass i felt xo confident and comfortable knowing you were there for me.

My dreams Alas! wont come true. :(

As i was about to resume, you left the shores of this earth.

I miss you everyday and it is impossible for me to forget you.

Many other people that knew you have also given wonderful testimonies to how a wonderful and caring friend you were.

Your Legacy Lives on.

If you were around today, you would have been 25yrs old but i still celebrate and continue to pray for your soul rests in perfect peace.

@bule_jr: skiiii, i miss you, you taught me how to drive and you were the other senior brother my mum didn’t birth. I know you are in a better place. Continue to rest in Peace.

Death has never hit home for my brother and i until bassey left us. You wont know the value of life until it happens to someone really close to you.
Live your life like everyday is your last. You don’t know when you might have to go see the Master. Always be ready.

 

at 9.00pm this day bassey was gone :(

Catching the Spouse


You have a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, something is not right but you can’t quite figure out what that feeling is about. Your spouse has become distant, he/she is working late on a regular basis or, maybe your spouse has moved out of the house with no explanation. You suspect there may be someone else but every time you bring it up with your spouse, he/she denies the possibility. All the signs are there but you don’t have any proof. So, pay attention to the signs and your instinct but, be careful and don’t confuse signs with proof.

1. “I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You.”
If you hear these words, a big warning bell should go off. This is one of the most consistent things a 
cheating spouse will say. Your spouse may have a deep, loving bond with you but, intense feelings of passion can override the bond with you and cause your spouse to lose sight of his/her true feelings. The 
cheating spouse will develop what I call hormone – induced amnesia. The surging hormones and passion they feel in their new relationship can cause some very skewed thinking.

2. “We are just friends.”
This is also another very predictable statement that will come from a cheating spouse. If your spouse is spending more and more time with this new “friend” then there is probably more to it than mere friendship. Your spouse may feel they have a lot in common with this person, that this person understands them and things they are going through. Whatever the reasons for the friendship, it’s a big warning sign and one you should take seriously.

3. A sudden need for privacy.

If things the two of you used to share openly suddenly become private pay attention cause something is probably up. He/she may start password protecting computer activity. Cell phone and credit card bills may be hidden. If you ask why or attempt to find out information that used to be common knowledge between the two of you, you will be accused of snooping or trying to control your spouse. Big warning sign!

4. “I need some space to figure out my feelings.”
Men and women who are involved with someone else will request 
more space, time alone or away from the family. They may say it is due to confusion over their feelings or stress at work. This can be a sign that there is someone else and the spouse is trying to figure out ways to have more freedom.

5. Regular work habits change.
Working late, going to work at odd hours or, putting in more time than is normal on work related issues can be indications that a spouse is cheating.

6. Spending a large amount of time on the computer.
In today’s world, with modern technology, a person looking for an affair doesn’t even have to leave their home. The ease of internet chat rooms, online dating sites and secret email accounts has caused an alarming increase in 
emotional affairs.
If your spouse is online more than usual, hanging out in chat rooms and visiting pornographic websites then you have reason to be alarmed.

7. Secretive phone calls and more time spent on the phone.
Emotional affairs occur primarily via the phone, especially cell phones. If you find your spouse hanging up suddenly when you enter the room or erasing the history on the cell phone and becoming defensive when asked about it, then you might want to check your phone records.

8. Behavior that just doesn’t add up.

Not being where he/she was expected to be. Missing time they can’t explain. Money that isn’t accounted for. Receipts for things you don’t have. Missing clothing. Clothing that does not belong to your family. Being caught in little lies about the details of the day.

9. Your Own fears and suspicions.
If you find yourself looking for excuses for your spouse’s behavior or trying to convince yourself that they would never cheat then that is a warning sign. Your intuition is frequently one of the best indicators that something is wrong. If you suspect your spouse might be cheating on you, do some investigating and then 
talk to him/her about what you’ve found. Do it in a way that is calm and courteous. Ask for honesty. Be prepared for lies. It is a sad fact that people having affairs become excellent liars. People who never told a lie before in their lives. Trust your gut instinct but get hard, cold proof also.

Are these real?
Do they work?
What are you supposed to do when you find out?
Have you ever had to deal with a cheating spouse. What helped you out that time. Better yet, are YOU a cheating spouse? Why do you do it?
So many questions, so few answers again. Please share your thoughts in the comments box.

Cheers.

Well I just wrote this today because I figured I wouldn’t come out of my ‘writers block’ if I didn’t try and @Ms_Dania was to write something here and delay my comeback abit but NYSC called and she had to respond :( but she has promised to do so when she gets back.

Thanks Rosebuds. Y’all are the best. :D