Unprecedented.


Life tosses some obstacles along your way and one is expected to count on experiences and learn lessons.
Other times, it just doesn’t Add up and we just wadewade through waters hoping for the best.
**************

He hadn’t returned her calls. Not a single one. All the 34 times she called, he didn’t pick up his phone. He was leaving for his Masters Degree in Scotland in a week. She knew what this meant. But no. This wasn’t the average situation. He couldn’t just leave her like this. He dare not. He had only two really close friends that he did everything with and those two had left a week earlier for the same Masters Degree in Scotland. She didn’t have their numbers or anything like that and so there was no help there. She could…
 
“…and that is one of the reasons why it’s important to keep our eyes on the prize, the eternal glory lest we fall and lose out completely.” The pastor’s voice brought her back to where she was. She sighed. Eternal glory was presently not her central concern. She ran her hands over her skirt, adjusting the pleats as the pastor continued.
 
“Parents have a duty to their children, to ensure that they grow up immersed in the word of God and the understanding that the eternal glory is the ultimate…”
 
Yes, they should. She agreed. At least he had fulfilled that duty. She looked up at him but his eyes didn’t meet hers. She had helped him knot his tie this morning and managed a proud smile as the red tie sat beautifully against his white shirt from the pulpit where he stood. Being a pastor’s daughter wasn’t all bad. She only hated the incessant prayers, meetings and fellowships at her house. He wasn’t overly strict or restrictive. All he constantly said was “use your discretion and may the Lord guide you.” Her mother was the difficult one. Constantly going on and on about properly carrying the image of the pastor’s daughter and being a role model to the girls in the church because they all looked up to her. She didn’t care then and she didn’t care now.
 
“…brethren it is very essential and it cannot be over-emphasized. I’m not saying that the road is an easy one…” Her father brought back her attention. Oh yeah. The road she was currently on wasn’t an easy one. She hadn’t heard from Dapo in days.
 
She desperately wanted to tell him that she was late, by a week but he had been so busy with his preparations for school that she hadn’t been able to get a hold of him.
 
Later that night, she could barely look at their faces as they had dinner. It was even worse when he asked her to share the grace. Never in her life had she felt so guilty and as she said those words, the thought of her predicament sent a warm chill down her spine. She couldn’t wait to get to her room and get it over with.
 
As soon as she was done with the dishes, she ran up to her room as quickly as she could, made a quick stop to Adeola’s room and tucked in her little sister in bed with a kiss on her forehead. This had become a nightly thing. Dee wouldn’t sleep if  she didn’t show up and they both loved it. It had made them become very close over the last year even if the age gap was fairly considerate.
 
She quietly shut the door, tiptoed to her room and locked herself in her bathroom with the bag she had gotten from her best friend, Cynthia. She brought out the pack and proceeded to read the instructions; all she had to do was pee on a stick and she will be certain whether she was going to die or be murdered. Just three minutes more and her life would either continue as before or be changed forever…
 
It had been a few hours since she had seen the results and she had cried all night long. She wanted to talk to Dapo but he still hadn’t responded to any of her calls or texts. She cried herself to sleep and prayed that indeed there would be a ray of light in the morning.
 
She woke up to a text and a few missed calls from him and had hardly rubbed the sleep off her eyes before she quickly called the number back, “Dapo, where the hell have you been?! I’ve called you countless times!”.
 
“I am sorry, I have no excuses. If I try explaining it’ll sound like I’m telling lies so can I just apologize? How have you been?”
 
“Not good. Not good at all. We need to talk, Can we meet up today? It’s very urgent”.

“Ok.. Noon.”
************************************ 
“What do we do about this now?” , he asked as they sat in an eatery two streets away from her house. I’m going to school in a couple of days and you are going to resume for a new term in a couple of weeks as well.” He swallowed. “There is no way we can keep this.”
 
“What?! Are you telling me to abort it?”

He looked down at his hands and then looked at her, “Yes. This is the last thing we both need right now.”
 
She shook her head. “It’s bad enough that we have put ourselves in this predicament, and are not really ready for the consequences but I am certain I do not want to take it out. I will never forgive myself.”
************* 
She got home with a determination to tell her dad as soon as she could but was sceptical about telling her mother and what she could say or do to her so she had to bid her time.
 
Three weeks passed and she hadn’t summoned enough courage to tell anyone. She had started puking in the morning and quickly rushed to school everyday to avoid a slip and her mum stumbling on her secret.

She fell asleep during classes and just couldn’t, for the life of her, pay attention to anyone or anything. The body odour from their mathematics teacher, Mr. Akudo, usually not so bad, and drawing only scrunched up noses from the students, was suddenly unbearable for her. It felt like her whole body was suddenly awake. The sudden heaviness of her mammaries, strangely welcome at this time and the only thing that gave her some hidden joy as her A-cups were finally a full C, and the slightly heightened need to EAT any and everything, were the little bits that finally gave her away.

*******************************************
 Mother walked in on me when I was getting ready for school. This woman! Why did she always have something against knocking?! Mscheeew. I had only a bra on and there were empty wraps of Galaxy chocolate and tubes of ice-cream all over the floor.

She looked at my untidy bed and the surrounding junk-pile and was about to give me a speech on how it was shameful for a girl my age to still be told to clean up her room, when her eyes fell on my naked body. It was obvious from the way the blood drained from her face and the way her eyes went from simple disapproval to full blown shock, that she knew.
 
She shut the door and locked it, walked over to my bed, sat down, and stared at me like I was some stranger who had just walked into her home and sat at her table.

She asked how long, I said I didn’t understand what she was saying. 

She asked again, “How long?” This time with eyes so piercing, they sent chills coursing through my body. 

There was no point in hiding anymore. Mothers, they always know how to spot differences and she had birthed 3 of us, she KNEW.

“A few weeks.” I managed to muster.

“Ah! Aderonke Oluwasemilore Esther Adebiyi o ti pa mi!” She exclaimed.

“Omo pastor! I am finished.” She looked at my belly as her eyes moistened. “We have to tell your father. Please tell me you know who is responsible for it?” 

I was able to muster a crooked smile.

“I don’t sleep around mum, It happened once and this happened.”

A tear dropped from her eyes as I could sense her disappointment.  She was fighting hard not to show it but it was written all over her tone and her face.
After grilling me about Dapo and being rest assured that he was aware and wasn’t harboring any sinister plans to put me or the baby in harms way, she hugged me and told me she’ll stand with me as we told dad and would do all in her power to ensure he didn’t overreact.
*************************************
“She has to get out of my house. None of my children is going to put the name I have worked for decades to build to shame. NO NO NO! She is leaving my house. What do you want the church council to say? The head pastor preaches everyday about sexual purity and yet his first daughter is pregnant at 17 and barely out of secondary school.”

“Daddy, you know that this isn’t the best course of action. I know you are angry but don’t punish her, she is already distraught as is.” 

She winked at me and i immediately understood what it meant. Off to my room I went, hoping for my miracle.
 
“If you kick her out, just know that i will leave with her and Deola. None of my kids is going to be left abandoned.”

I couldn’t stay away and this was the first thing i heard while eavesdropping. 

It was going to be a long night. 

God I need you now more than ever before.

Let’s Talk


Love, ever so complicated and stressful as it is, we still indulge in its pleasures and pain.

Most relationship magazines these days, more like almost every magazine these days, try to give us tips on how best to make our relationship work. They tell us ‘The five things men want to hear’ or ‘The ten things women can’t stand’ or is it on how to improve your sex life? Or How to be a good kisser? Or maybe for the desperate ones, How to find and keep Mr. Right? Even with all of these advices most relationships still fail.

I am not one to boast of being in many relationships (I’ve been in two, for the curious ones) but I think with the little experience I have got I can give a few tips on relationships. I am not an expert but this is based on my own observation.

A major problem in most relationships- and it cannot be anymore emphasized, is POOR COMMUNICATION. Not being able to tell your partner what you want, need, desire or what worries you or excites you or how you feel at any particular moment and the major culprits are WOMEN. I know there are some feminists out there that would be going like, ‘Men do it too much too’ or ‘Men that are always trying to form Don Boze, they are worse’ I say to those women ‘Darling, Sit yo ass down’.

I am not a feminist and I certainly don’t support men at all times but come on, girls you and I know the truth. Think I’m lying or over exaggerating? Here are some instances-

I am walking with a guy friend of mine and we reach the front of our hostel. There are seats outside and the moon is shining brightly, cool breeze (You know all that perfect moment ish)
He-I feel like going to bed
Me-Why don’t you seat with me for a bit? I’m too tired to climb the stairs now.
He- It is too cold outside
Me- I’ll keep you warm
He- When I have a duvet in my room
Me- *Sigh* can’t you see I’m just trying to spend some more time with you?
He- If you wanted to why don’t you just say so.
(Ladies, Men aren’t quite good at sensing such messages)

Not good enough an example for you? Okay.

I have a close friend and sometimes I piss her off without even knowing when I do it. Now, whenever I do such, and most times I am not conscious of these mistakes, she starts snubbing me. She gives me straight one word answers and obviously, one word answer means something is wrong. So I proceed to ask what I did wrong and she replies with ‘You know what you did. I am not telling you’ That gets me pissed and it is by some spiritual force of gravity that I resist punching the words out her mouth, Boyfriends can attest to this.

Still not good enough? Ok.
He- Baby, What’s wrong?
*She ignores you and continues peeling Ugwu leaves*
He- Adanne, What’s wrong with you?
She- *still peeling Ugwu leaves* Nothing.
He- Are you sure?
She- Yes. *Walks out of kitchen*
He then starts tracing his steps from the last moment he made you happy.

OR

The famous line ‘YOU JUST DON’T GET IT’

First, what is ‘it’ you might ask?
When you go out with your girl and you get back home hoping that since you’ve been a good boy, you’ll get a little something-something and then she starts with the straight face and one word answer. As usual, One word answer signals something is wrong so you go ahead to inquire what the problem is and what do you get ‘YOU JUST DON’T GET IT, DO YOU?’
You decide to be the caring boyfriend and ask ‘What is it?’
She replies with the usual ‘Arrgh! Men! You guys are so annoying. You never get it’

Funny story, it seems that only women know what ‘it’ is. E.g.

Monica- Having problems with the man again?
Amaka- Yes. He doesn’t get it
Monica- I know how you feel girl. Even Femi doesn’t get it too.
Amaka- Men. In fact, I’m just going to go gay.
Convinced? Good.

Notice the problem with communication I’m talking about.
Can’t you just tell a nigga what you want or what the problem is? Why does figuring you out have to be Rocket science? And you wonder why he doesn’t understand you?
How would he when you don’t talk to him but prefer discussing his ‘It-getting nature’ with Njideka and Caro?
Guys, I know you are waving your hand in the air but hold up some part of it is your fault.
Some women find it difficult to express themselves because they do not want to be so vulnerable and weak.
Another is because of the fear that they would not be taken seriously or understood. The fear of embarrassment and being rejected.

MEN.
We understand that you are not big on feelings but do realize that you have a woman by your side. In the words of famous and renowned lead singer of Maroon 5, Adam Levine,
“It’s compromise that moves us along, yeah”.

Try to walk in the shoes of your woman and think with your emotions like she would. It doesn’t mean you’re gay, It just means that you care. Be patient. Listen and try to understand her feelings. Maybe then she wouldn’t have to meet her friends for consolation.

Girls, Men not good at figuring out what they’ve done wrong. (Trust me. I have brothers.) They don’t pick up quickly on the little mistakes that they make.
Tell them. It wouldn’t kill you or take away half of your head or reduce your bride price value. Talk to him quietly. You don’t have to yell. Yelling doesn’t always work (My brothers taught me this) Sit down and figure the problem out. Tell him where it hurts the most so that if there’s a problem, your man can confidently say that I trust my girl, Apollonia, she would definitely tell me. (This works bests when those friends of yours come to feed him lies)
It is a relationship not a competition on who is the strongest or weakest.
Talk.
The communication builds the trust. The trust holds the relationship together.
(Now Playing Maroon 5- She will be loved).
*************************************
This piece was written by my friend amanda (@andhiii).

Relationships are not like math equations where one general law can bring solutions. What has been shared above as she rightly said is just her own take on a very ‘touchy’ issue which may or may not apply to everyone.

What I’m asking is for your own views on bridging communication gaps and why are men very slow to pick up hints however subtle from ladies?

Do share your opinions with us.

Cheers.

Say No To Cheating


#teamfaithful

    The Concept Behind Cheating.

Welcome once again to the Ugly Truth, sorry I haven’t really been writing here lately. I have been preparing to appear on some blogs ( yes the love doctor is now in popular demand) hence my absence.

Also I have been working hard on the ‘Date Days’ series, look at the picture below. :D

I have squeezed a little time out to write on a topic that has been appearing in so many conversations, tweets, blogs e.t.c. Yes it’s the almighty ‘CHEATING’.

I am not talking about dubbing in exams and other stuff like that(go to jamb/waec website for that one), but that thing that happens when a guy/girl decides to go and eat out of another cherry that doesn’t belong to them.

I have had conversations with different people over the last two weeks about this and they made it sound like it was cool and that there was nothing wrong with it.

Before y’all attack me, I know it’s the 21st century and I should get on with it right? I say hold up and hear me out.

We are all Christians or Muslims right? I know the Bible very well and I know it frowns strongly against fornication and Adultery. I am not a 100% sure about it but I’m supremely confident the Quran does say so too right? Someone tell me I am right.

Except I missed the memo, these rules haven’t changed one bit so why are we all saying/acting otherwise.

Don’t get me wrong, I am no saint and have made a few mistakes in this short life I have had.

But i will NEVER go out to brag to people that I was having “extra-marital” affairs or anything like that because believe me i will feel ashamed. You might think you are cool when doing this but in hindsight you will realise you are the fool.

What’s there to brag about not being able to remain truthful to someone you are in a relationship with and openly profess your love for?

But people(especially we guys) go about doing this and expect our spouses to be faithful to us as well? Oh no no!!! Life doesn’t work that way.

They say Karma is a female dog abi? Oh well…..

Let this not be you.

Mind you cheating for me doesn’t start when there is physical contact between the two said people. I believe there is something called emotional cheating.

In simple terms, your body is in a relationship but your mind is no longer there but for reasons unknown you refuse to just bone the relationship or get serious. Sounds Familiar? Guessed so

The minute you start to get irritated with your better half and you don’t see a reason to bridge the gap quickly and just go and sulk about the place, you are bound to find someone else’s arm to fall into.

This can lead anywhere and I mean anywhere.

If you really like a person and decide to go into an “exclusive” relationship with them I feel you owe it to them to be faithful and be of your best behaviour.

Why start looking for something on the side or put yourself in a situation where you know you will be tempted to get something from someone outside?

Surely the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Or is it?

I also think it is rather hurtful to both yourself and your other half to be cheating on them. Its rather MEAN if you ask me.

Don’t do it because all your friends are doing it and encouraging you to do as well.

Don’t be fooled because it’s a societal Norm. IT IS WRONG.

The minute I decided that I was going to remain a faithful husband/boyfriend sometime in 2007, I became a better person for it.
It gives me a very satisfying feeling to remain true and faithful to anyone I am with at any point in time.

Yes I have been called names and dissed but frankly “I DON’T CARE”.

I know many will say “I have tried” or “it is hard” but don’t give up.

It’s the end times and trust me to Err is human so do not despair and beat yourself down, and also don’t just accept it and do nothing about it, you can still change your ways whether you are Married or Unmarried.

I think our generation owes it to our unborn kids to give them a better legacy than this rubbish one we have inherited from our own parents and fine-tuned to please our needs and nature.

If i can change i am very sure you can too. Yes you.

No matter how tempted you are, JUST SAY NO.

If you don’t like my own views feel free to share your own views and why?

If you like my views, well thank you and continue that way.

Cheers

Its Date Days Baby

The Veil


This is a post someone sent to me to read and I just decided to share with people.

It’s an amazing piece and I hope someone leaves this place today with some lessons learned and a couple of tips.

Enjoy!

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question.

This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said, for I loved Jane so dearly.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and fell asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce.

She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain.

From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me, she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office, jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.– At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband….

Normally I would write something here and try to make sense of this story. But today I will leave you guys to just do the talking.

Cheers.