Power & Respect


                           

Disclaimer: All ideas expressed herein, are solely based on the writer’s opinions and experience. You Do NOT have to agree, in fact, your disagreement and personal opinions are much welcome in the comments section. I would love to hear them. *Snickers*

OK. So I hear this is very respectable ground, and I will do my best not to sully it with my… whatever it is I have that could possibly sully up a nice blog like this. I’m supposed to talk about power and respect in relationships, although with my Forever Alone status, you might be a bit hard pressed to believe me. To make it easier for you, I have decided to use an everyday analogy that will put what I’m saying into context:

The Power Holding Company of Nigeria (PHCN.)

Yes. Your relationship with PHCN is the ultimate example of power and respect in a relationship. Still don’t understand? I’ll explain.

See, I often hear that in a relationship there has to be one domineering partner and then the other one. Now, do you feel like your partner is currently holding all the power in your relationship? (Power Holding. Get it now? Huh? Yes? No? Oh.) Well, a girl can try. :’( OK, let me give you a scenario where you can see this display of power holding and utter lack of disrespect.

Scenario

It’s the big El Clasico game. You’ve gathered all your buddies and the beer is free-flowing. It’s a wonderful evening. Now, Messi has just tackled C. Ronaldo and is gunning towards Casillas. You can tell that if he makes this goal, it will go down in the annals of history. The room is quiet, all eyes are glued to the TV, the glass of beer is sweating in your hands as your heartbeat is reaching quickstep tempo. Your mouth is hanging open, and Messi kicks the ball hard and it’s heading to the goal post almost as fast as a bullet and suddenly…

Ahhh!!! Won ti mu ina lo!

If that ain’t power holding and disrespect at its utmost, I don’t know what is.

Now, if your relationship feels like that, it’s unhealthy. A PHCN-consumer relationship is not the way forward. You know how even your kind-hearted-gentle-wouldn’t-hurt-a-fly grandmother becomes a foul-mouthed, evil monster, whose tongue would rival a sailor’s in cussing, when it comes to cases of PHCN. Yeah. That’s what I’m talking about. This kind of relationship will quickly turn resentful, if it hasn’t already. Especially if you’re not the PHCN in the relationship. That one is just the height. Your partner will literally be taking your light every time, leaving you in darkness. We all know how that feels especially when you need that light to iron your shirt for work tomorrow.

Even the people at PHCN hate PHCN. PHCN probably hates itself. It’s an insecure company, preying on the weakness of a people that have almost no choice in the matter. Lucky for you, you have more degrees of freedom in your relationship. (If you don’t, there is a BIG problem.) Now, you’re reading this and you’re wondering “Is my partner a power holder? Does (s)he continually disrespect me?” You want to know if your partner has the PHCN-Syndrome. I will give you some classic signs of the PHCN-Syndrome.

  • If your partner is constantly trying to make you look bad so that they can look good, they probably have PHCN-Syndrome.
  • If they have violent mood swings, (you know, one minute low current, another minute high current until they burn all your appliances,) PHCN-Syndrome right thurr.
  • If your partner is rude, shows up at the wrongest time (see above scenario,) stingy, and always disgracing you, and does this constantly, hate to break it to you, but your partner is suffering from classic PHCN-Syndrome.

Needless to say, you need to leave this relationship. FAST. It is a breeding ground for life’s mosquitoes. Trust me; you DO NOT want life’s mosquitoes.

What you want is a relationship like the one between you and Google. Now, we all know that relationship isn’t perfect, but that’s OK because nothing is perfect. More often than not, Google is reliable, highly knowledgeable, a great listener, and most of all, your friend. Let me elucidate.

Scenario

You’re in school, and midterms are around the corner. You know you should study and you will! Just as soon as you finish the entire season of Game of Thrones. And that party on Friday at Lekan’s private beach house. Of course, Saturday is no good because you have to rest and then, Sunday you go to church. Sunday evening, you realize you are dead. 70 pages of required reading, you’re still on the acknowledgements. Then, it hits you – Google it, baby! Result? A.

This is what I mean. Your Google relationship is fun, exciting, and you learn something new every day. Your partner is more than fine with letting you take the spot light sometimes and then picking up the slack when you’re too tired to care. As long as you have a Google account with good privacy settings, this relationship is long term. And respect? How can respect not grow in such an environment? There’s happiness, love, friendliness. I would love to talk more, but I’m only being paid to talk about power and respect.

By the time there is a power tussle in a relationship, things are ALREADY going downhill. Don’t be with someone that will disrespect you and won’t let your light shine. Don’t try to lord it over your partner. For the men, this is the 21st century; there can be respect without all that “I’m the man of the house” type-a thing. If you don’t respect yourself, it really is hard for anyone to respect you. You should be comfortable, and able to discuss whatever, without feeling like you’ll be put down.

And if you’re still with your PHCN partner, for some reasons I cannot even begin to understand, and you still want to be in such a relationship… you might need a generator. I’m NOT advising you to cheat. I’m just saying… you might need a generator.

Special thanks to Beauty, my muse extraordinaire.

@TheFakeEsse

Le Début De Sexe


The question that goes through most girls minds, I’m sure. To shag on the first date or not?

Some mates and I had this discussion while slightly inebriated and though there were filthy jokes cracked, when I woke up the next day with a teensy weensy hangover and thought about it, I think we weren’t so far off point.

When to have sex? The first date, the ubiquitous third date, whenever we feel like it, or when we’re in an exclusive relationship and/or married?

So the first date went well. The food was great (or movie or whatever it is we got up to), the conversation flowed wonderfully, we are slightly buzzing and he’s about to drop me off at home (or we’re thinking of sharing a cab). Then the question goes through my mind – should I reply his invitation to go back to his with a yes or should I just go home?

My mates and I had different opinions about this. Some felt, sod it. Go for it on the first date. Others, not so much. Best to tackle the varying opinions one after the other.

Firstly, those that thought marriage – none. I mean, come on, maybe we’re too modern or too carefree but I don’t think anyone still goes into marriages as virgins. Maybe they do, but I’m fairly certain it’s very rare. Of course there are girls that pretend to be virgins and want to keep it till marriage. Then lie that their hymens were ruptured during sports or some excuse of that sort. How pointless, like he will still get the D from somewhere else while you’re guarding your precious (Gollum voice). And I’m not saying this because I believe guys are horny beasts. Well…they are *chuckle* but it’s just their nature. Men think of and require (I guess) sex. Even girls…but it’s been sort of hammered into us so much that it’s become a part of us – sex is important for guys and not so much for girls…if you know what I mean.

Those that thought exclusive relationships – very few. Life isn’t how it was back in secondary school. Then we were actually asked ‘Do you want to go out with me?’ Or ‘Do you want to be my girlfriend?’ Heck, hardly anyone goes ‘Let’s make this exclusive’ anymore. It sort of seamlessly slides into exclusivity from fafferage or fun. So majority of us thought, how on earth would you know that you’re having sex now that it’s exclusive when it might still be ‘fun’ for the guy? Except if the girl actually goes, ‘Oi, is this exclusive now?’ Then it might not be clear. I guess as long as the girl believes that she’s in some sort of proper relationship she won’t feel guilty or naughty. As incredible as this sounds, a lot of girls feel this way. Especially Nigerian girls. This way, even if their ‘gist’ spreads, they can say they only ‘did it’ while in proper or serious relationships.

 

Those that thought third dates – a lot. Even the lads. I guess this is because it’s like some unwritten rule. Don’t have sex till the third date. This way, you don’t seem like a slag by giving it up the first day and by the third you think the guy likes your company enough to have wanted to see you three times hence shagging him won’t stop him from wanting to see you again.

Those that thought first date – very few. Yup, not surprising right? Well, what’s the point waiting till the second or third or tenth date? If you like him and there’s chemistry why not open wide and enjoy some good old pummelling? Maybe because he’ll think you’re definitely A SLAG and won’t call you again since he’s gotten what he really wanted at the end of the day so why waste time and effort and money treating you to something/somewhere nice on another date? On the other hand, if he truly likes you then it doesn’t matter if you lot shag on the first date or not. He’ll still call you. There are some that keep their legs closed till the 70th date (if he lasts that long). ‘Let me tell you something, hun. If he just wants to fuck he’s willing to wait no matter how long.’ That’s what a mate said. And it’s true. There are some lads that will wait for months for sex and once they get it they’re off. It’s patience, really. And it becomes a sort of game for them. Don’t think holding out will make him fall in love with you, only God knows what’s going on in the chap’s mind and your holding out won’t change a thing. Except if he’s very traditional and if he is, then maybe he doesn’t want to ‘soil’ you and he’s getting it from somewhere else.

Ah, and there are those that feel having sex very early on is a determining factor in burgeoning relationships. Just imagine waiting for days then maybe really liking him/her then you lot finally shag. And he’s crap. Or she is. ‘Or he’s got a tiny cock’ (we all cackled here). Bummer, no?

Either way, this is a topic where people have set ideas on when it should be given up. It’s a topic that causes arguments or the standard ‘we’ll have to agree to disagree.’

My opinion is…well I bet you’d like to know which category I fall into *smirk*

Xoxo

@LaComTessNoire

*****

Well, simples.

What Category do you fall into and what attitude do you have towards sex in relationships?

How much of it is needed, if any at all and why?

Kindly share your views using the comment box.

Cheers

Keeping The Passion In It (R18)


Hello everyone!

Before I begin, let me just get this out of the way:

Sex, fuck, straff, bang, nack, brap, shining congo, lamba, making love (ewww), intercourse, wire (my friends are mad people), ati be be lo

See what I did there? Good.

So I’m here to talk about sex. Yes, sex. I do not know why I’m talking about something I have never experienced (I’m a fargeen) but here I am.

I’m not talking about when to have it or how to do it (Google is your friend and playboy is your bible) but I’m here to give tips on how to keep the passion alive in a relationship.

Many of us know that once you get together and start fucking, it’s like heaven on earth. You guys are exploring each other, teaching each other, trying new things and such. It’s a wonderful thing to share yourself and body with that one person and the feeling is just beautiful.

Six months later, and you’re moaning and faking your way to an orgasm. At that moment, the chicken in the freezer is far more interesting. Why is that so?

In all relationships, things get boring or stale. His smile doesn’t exactly make you want to sing and dance anymore but the feeling is there. You can’t stand the way she litters your apartment floor (if you have your own place) with her shoes. You practically force yourself to fuck him because ‘We do the same thing all the time but he’s so horny and I don’t want him to go and look for an excuse to sleep with that slutty secretary/classmate/friend of his.’

I will give you some helpful tips and ideas on how to get yourself out of a sexual rut but I cannot guarantee these will work 100%. Cosmo will tell you to learn gymnastics or turn up to his office in a trench coat with nothing on but ladies (and guys) know that it may still not work. A simple change may be all that takes to kick both of you of that stalemate.

  1. Communication: I know this may be hard but maybe you should tell him you don’t exactly like a finger up your ass. Or you like the way he kisses you down there and he should spend a little more time there. Or you should def tell her you like the way she hums when she’s … you get the point. Tell her/him what you want and presto! You get it! Ask and you shall receive. Let him know what makes you feel good and what makes you cum. If you like, lie there and continue receiving while he gets off. Sex is meant to be enjoyable and not boring. Which brings me to my next point …
  2. Try new things: I repeat Google is your friend and Playboy/Cosmopolitan is your bible. If you’re tired of the same old thing, read up and try on new stuff. I know Cosmos has tons of articles about new positions and how that girl did that and loved it (do not ask how I know this). If you read something and want her to try it but you’re shy, leave it around ‘accidentally’. I do not mean leaving porn paused on the laptop screen. Leave the magazine page open on the bed, she may just pick it up and read. Make up a story about how Tunde/Rita told Frank/Joke who told Obi/Ify who gisted you about this ‘crazy thing’. If you present it in a fun way, she/he may just try it. Oh, and try watching porn together. It may sound weird now but try watching it like a movie with a serious script and cast. I guarantee you will be on the floor rolling at the horrible acting and forced situations (the pizza delivery guy/plumber/electrician just happened to have a hard dick waiting for you) Once you are laughing, say this ‘hey, this looks like fun. Why don’t we try it?” Do not go and suggest she shapes herself into a pretzel for you or invite your three
  3. friends over for ‘drinks’ (only if you are into that of course). Take things easy and see how they go.
  4. Toys and Food: The toys part may just be under ‘try new things’ but I wanted to pair to along with food here. There are great ways to explore your body with your bf/gf/husband/wife and using sex toys are part of it. If you have a vibrator, ask him to pleasure you with it. I guarantee he will love the look of pleasure on your face. Why don’t you tie him up? The fear and anticipation of what is to come will heighten your senses and make things better. Blindfolds, whips and chains may be new but hey, you’re tired of the ordinary right? Now when I talk of food, I do not mean White House Pounded yam and efo being eaten off her/his body
    (only Ibadan people do that please). I mean strawberries dipped in chocolate or cream and you feeding her. I mean using honey to trace your initials on his chest and licking it off. I mean using ice on her nipples to make her yelp and want more. There are many ways to incorporate food into foreplay and if yu try it, I give you a 90% guarantee it will be good or I will give you your non-existent fee back.
  5. Last but not the least, the mind: You may do everything and more on this list but if your mind isn’t into it, you will not cum. What are you thinking about during sex? Why are you having sex with him/her? Who is she/he to you? Is it just to bust a nut or to share something? These days, it seems like everyone is hooking up just for the sake of it but you need to understand that sex is not just sex sometimes. It’s a gift and it’s a way to share yourself to the deepest level with your partner. If you intend of making it the best experience both of you will ever have, then think that way.  Let her know that this isn’t just sex and it’s more than that. Be the best person to your partner in and outside the bedroom and you will see your sex life and relationship will improve.

Well, that’s it from me. I hope you find more ways to help spice up your sex life and love life. I repeat, do not ask how I know this stuff. I just  ….read a lot. And my friends tell me these things.

And I’m not lying!

@d3ola

******

Do you have any other tips to add to these?

Or do you have any bone of contentions with what has been shared by deola?

You know what to do.

Cheers

Friends, Family & Relationships


There’s a popular saying, “when you marry a person, u marry their whole family”.

Yea I know a lot of you might be thinking….“hold your horses…no one said anything about marriage”…but as long as the phrase serves the purpose, cut me some slack.

Whether we like it or not, the reality is that relationships aren’t complete without the (sometimes) unsolicited interference from friends and family. Come on, you know what I mean, those little irksome statements that elicit a lot of eye rolling on our parts.

I remember one time I had this *whoosh fans self at the memory* hot Ibo potential boyfriend and one of my friends couldn’t just stop making comments like “but he’s not Yoruba…”, “there’s no future”, “don’t waste your time”…I mean, honey chill, we are not even official yet, why are you busy planning our divorce?!!! Few months later the question changed to “Does he have a brother?” *shaking head* FRIENDS!!!

Oh don’t get me wrong they aren’t all that bad. Who else do you chat away with when you want to “form important/busy/uninterested” on a first date (you girls know what I’m talking about *wink*). The other day I called up one of my best friends Bukky* whilst she was on a date. After all the necessary info had been passed…I noticed home girl was trying to drag on the conversation. The phone call went something like this.

Me: … OK love I’ll talk to you later.

Bukky: Err wait…which reminds me, have you checked that stuff?

Confused Me: What stuff?

Bukky: That stuff now can’t you remember?

Me: Huhn? Babe speak english my credit is burning jo.

Bukky: (breaks into a giggle) you’re not even serious.

(Thinking to myself “what’s funny?”)

Me: Are u ok?

And then just like magic…TING!!! (Light bulb moment)

Me: You’re out with Kunle* ba?

Bukky: Yes

Before I knew it, she had successfully kept me on the phone for 5mins saying little nothings. The things we do for friends!

And what about those times we (don’t) need advice? Where do friends come in, you may ask? I’ll relate an experience that happened to me a while back.

Scenario:

My boyfriend and I had had a little misunderstanding which resulted in him hanging up the phone on me. In a moment of anger, I told two of my “close friends” here’s what they each had to say.

Friend #1:

Me to Shade*: Can you believe Tunde* hung up on me?

Shade: What? What rubbish? That’s so rude. You can’t be allowing such nonsense o. You need to give him a piece of your mind. That’s how Osa* tried it with me I didn’t pick up his calls for 3weeks. Trust me he never tried it again.

(I later found out that Osa* stopped calling her after 3weeks and never did call again, but naturally she didn’t mention that part.)

Friend #2:

Me to Stella*: Can you believe Tunde* hung up on me?

Stella: Why? What did you do or say to warrant that?

Me: Why does it have to be me at fault?

Stella: Because Tunde* seems like a sensible person. He wouldn’t just hang up on you for no reason.

Me: Who’s side are you on self?

Stella: (laughs) Calm down. Do u want to tell me what happened from the scratch?

There…that’s how a good friend should respond in such a situation.

However, there are situations when we need firm friends to “lend us their pair of glasses” when we are too blinded by love to see that we are being taken for a jolly ride. That one friend that will look you in the eyes and say “Babe..snap out of it!”

And family? Where’s the place of family in relationships you might ask. After all the saying did go “…you marry the family too”.

In my personal experience in the first few months my father’s own is to be formally introduced to the young man that has been frequenting his house in search of his daughter. Of course he knows we are in a relationship but still chooses to refer to homeboy as “your friend” Heaven forbids that he admits his little girl is having boyfriends at 22.

Now my mother…wants to know “where’s he from”. When I reply, “Oyo state”. The next question is “what part of Oyo state?”. After replying her with “Ogbomoso”…she proceeds to tell me all the stereotypes she knows about Ogbomoso people and their traits citing examples to buttress her point of course. But it goes beyond that. Most mothers, mine inclusive, are more involved in their children’s’ relationships. They want to know the family background. They want to hear the “gist of a first date”. They pray for you and give you advice, solicited or unsolicited, and if the relationship crashes and burns, they are there to clean up the pieces and rock you back to decorum.

On the flipside, I’ve often heard of situations where parents bring about untimely deaths to relationships. We’ve heard of the “hot water pouring” types and the extremely tribalistic ones (although if you ask me, the average Nigerian parent is tribalistic to a large extent). We’re probably also familiar with the “possesive/jealous/controlling mothers” and the “iya oko bournvita (I don’t know how to translate this one to English) types”. They are all out there.

Siblings? Truth is the earlier your siblings like your partner, the better for him or her. They hold a degree of influence in relationships. They say things as they see it, sometimes more bluntly than preferred. You’d often hear comments like “He looks unserious” or “she’s just there” if they don’t like your partner. But when they do? The glowing comments can’t roll in fast enough. (My brodas and sistehs don’t be caught dulling. You want his or her siblings to like you? Bribe them! Nothing over the top, just thoughtful gestures once in a while. Trust me, it works…TML)

At the end of the day, family and friends however important they are, are not the actual participants in the relationship and should not hold the reigns in our relationships. Yes, we should be open to their inputs because most times they are done with our best interest at heart, but at the end of the day, it’s YOUR relationship and YOUR responsibility.

Do you have comments or experiences you wanna share or opinions of your own? Go right ahead.

xoxo…  @_Ayaba.

The Chaotic Start.


I personally think that dating is the most advanced form of natural selection on the planet. The main goal of every species is to ensure its survival and man is definitely not left out. I’m torn between stating opinions and sharing reality from my perspective and while I hate imposing opinions or seeming to do so, I fear that may inevitably happen. Here goes.

=====================

I asked Jolade if she wasn’t used to folks hitting on her by now. She had just exclaimed that someone, the fifth person that day, had told her at work that she was sexy. She also said this was new for her. No one had ever crushed on her in secondary school or university. She said she wasn’t attractive then to anyone. Looking at her now, it was difficult to believe. Her figure-hugging clothes revealed curves almost bursting buttons and zips as she threw her weight from leg to leg in a fabulous sashay down the corridor, loudly announced by her clicking heels on the marble floor. Was this what money did to people? The hairdo, the clothes, the confidence, the smile of contentment and so many other things money could buy had brought out the attractiveness of this brilliant female. Now everyone wanted to have her.

I went with my brother to a fast food joint where we tried to order some sweet things to satisfy my sugar cravings. While we waited, he climbed the first rungs of the railing to get a better view of the food on offer. Slightly embarrassed on his behalf, I told him he was acting like a child in public. To which he replied, “I am rich, I can do whatever I want.” I laughed and could find no words to the contrary. He was handsome, intelligent and rich. God-fearing too. Every woman’s dream.

Ikenna was confused again. Yejide was acting as if she was his girlfriend all over again. Making last minute calls to disrupt his schedule, throwing tantrums when he turned down her wishes, demanding he call back when her credit ran out, monitoring his every move. This was the girl that had agreed that they would be just friends a week before. Now she couldn’t get enough of him. He had taken extra care not to let her know where he was working because he feared it would affect her answer to his love proposal. She had politely said no to him and asked that they be as brother and sister. Ikenna had sadly agreed. Things changed however when he took her to the staff club and showed his ID card to gain exclusive entrance. Her calls became more frequent, her demands more insistent, leaving Ikenna wondering how close she had become as a “sister.” Now his worst fears of landing a gold digger were staring him in the face.

Her boobs were not as firm as they looked when she was fully dressed. The wild thoughts running through his mind earlier on what to do to her once they were alone were slowly dissolving like a cube of sugar in a cup of black coffee. Was this lady going to be able to keep him on cloud nine in the bedroom? It would be different if he had never known such heights of sexual ecstasy. Now he had higher tastes, and death was looking too far to wait for their parting to be made legal. A strange calm settled over his heart where the storms of passion had raged oh some precious few seconds before.

People change. Times change. Circumstances change. What if you discovered that the person of your dreams today did not fit into your dreams in five years time? What if you met someone you connected with on a higher level than this person you were with? How would it feel to be unable to give your ruthless passion to your partner just because your sights were now set on the new curvy intern at the office? What did it mean to let only death do you part? Sighs.

With these troubling thoughts, I set my list of eligible females aside and fell to my knees to pray to God to choose a life partner for me as He had for Adam.

@HL_Blue

********

How much of God do you allow in your relationships?

What limits have you put on Him and should there even be any?

Take a step back and ask yourself, ‘What exactly do I look for before going into relationships?’

Have an answer? why not share with us today using the comment box below.

Cheers.

Date Days II: The Preview


Hello there.

I have no cool story to tell you about why this blog hasn’t been updated for ages. It just happened that way for reasons best known to bola and I but we like to think a friend called BLOCK has been messing around with us. We apologize and hope our little announcement today makes up for the last 2months.

Its a new year and i do hope we all have fabulous days ahead and build memories to last us a lifetime.

Moving on, i am very certain that we all remember Date Days I, where we spoke about the happenings that surrounds a first date. If  by any chance, you never did read it, catch up and get a jotter as well, we received testimonies of countless lives that were changed.

We at ‘The Ugly Truth’ did promise to do it again when the time felt right and i am glad to say, that time, is NOW.

We present to you, Date Days II:

The Sequel

Money, Power, Sex, Ego & Respect.

Relationships are special, like them or hate them, we all in one way or the other, need them. A lot of discussions with friends on twitter and other platforms over the last couple of months had made me often wonder if our generation really knew the place of certain basic principles in relationships, this led to a decision to do a sequel on the DateDays series with the title, ‘Money, Power, Sex, Ego & Respect In Relationships’.

Again, just like I DateDays1, there will be no experts coming to share their preconceived and well researched politically & morally correct notions about this theme but instead, we have got regular young people like you & i to do so and in so doing, we hope to get a basic realistic idea of where we stand now in relationships as youth and where we ought to be.

We need to ask ourselves the following questions when we think about relationships;

Are we getting things right?
Am I going into it with the right motives?
Am I willing to sacrifice and compromise? Where are we going astray?
what should we tolerate and what should we kick against?

We hope that during the course of this series, a lot of headway will be made and we’ll be able to better understand the workings of this thing called relationships.

The plan is to create an avenue through which i hope we can all share ideas about relationships in a very relaxed and semi-informal way yet taking away what we believe should be valuable life lessons which would come in handy at some point if & when we all decide to get into relationships *Dons #TeamForeverAlone Shades*.

Join @mizztosin, @HL_Blue, @LaComtessNoire, @_Ayaba, @MrOmidiran, @0Toxic, @D3ola, @xoAfro, @TheFakeEsse and myself as we share what are our own ideas of relationships today.

It runs from the 27th of February – 6th March with all post going up at 9am.

We hope that you’ll subscribe to the blog to get all posts in your mailbox or just visit the site at 9am and the posts will be up.

Do share the word about this and we hope that we do have a wonderful time while sharing opinions and expressing our views about an institution which frankly no one has ever gotten a total grasp of. This should be fun

Till then, i remain ‘Baba Blue’.

Cheers

One Way Street


She held his hands as he was wheeled away into the theatre. Tears flowed down her eyes as the man whom she loved more than anything else in the world had his life in the hands of another man who was about to perform a Transoral Incisionless Fundoplication. She was advised to go home as it was going to be a long surgery due to his age and other medical complications. “I’ll  rather wait”, she insisted as she proceeded to the waiting area.
They had met 39yrs ago while they were in the university and she fell head over heels in love with him. He was quiet, calm, easygoing and humble. Nothing like the other guys she knew. When he asked her to be his, she kept him waiting for some weeks just to tease him and then she finally gave in.

In less than 18 months they were married and had a roller coaster of a honeymoon. They were an inseparable pair and due to the fact that he was a young and budding business tycoon, they were always in the spotlight but this did not affect their relationships. They weren’t just husband and wife as they treated each other like best friends, brother and sister, father and daughter, mother and son and most importantly, lovers. Many said that their kind of love didn’t happen to everyone. They were so close, it was almost annoying.

Ten years passed and though she was yet to conceive, he remained sweet and loving and he never complained. Even when his family started putting pressure on him over their childlessness, he still remained kind and loving. He never treated her with anger or disgust nor did he stand for such by his relatives towards her. Many nights she had gone to bed crying not because of their childless state but because she was overwhelmed at how unreal his loving attitude was to her in the face of their unfortunate situation. She knew he deeply wanted a child, as there was an obvious void in his heart that only a child of his own could fill. They went to all the best doctors they could find and all the tests results came back the same. “You’re both fine. Keep trying.”

And try they did.

Ten more years passed and nothing changed. She was not pregnant and he was not less loving and supportive. She brought up the idea of adopting kids one night but he didn’t want to hear of it. “If they’re not from you then they’re not meant for me” he had said.
Since they were no kids to look after, they had thrown themselves into work. He was the CEO of a group of companies and so had to attend endless board meetings which caused him to work till very late at night. He never let her work so one boring afternoon she had discovered her love for designing & sewing clothes and started a fashion house. Although she mostly worked from home, it was demanding which was why he agreed to let her do it as it would take her mind off their lack of kids.

One night at about 2.00a.m, she was up looking through sketches that some interns had submitted for the upcoming collection and suddenly her phone rang. She remembered looking at the screen with annoyance. She had employed way too many people to handle calls for the fashion house for it to be a dissatisfied customer.

“Can I please speak to Agatha Ohalete” the voice on the other end asked.

“Yes this is she.”

“We need you to please come to St Luke Hospital, urgently.”

“Who is on the line please?” she asked slightly alarmed.

“I’m Nurse Efe. Mr. Ohalete collapsed at his office and was rushed in. As soon as he was conscious, he asked us to call you.”

She immediately jumped up, knocking over the glass of wine she had been sipping from, causing its contents to spill over the papers she had been looking at. Without thinking, she ran out of the house, into her car and sped off to the hospital.

On getting to the hospital, she asked the nurse about her husband, Mr. Ohalete. She was asked to wait while she got a doctor. She was pensive. After what must have been about 15mins, Dr. Smith came and took her to private room 107, asked her to sit down and offered her a glass of water. “Doctor, can you just tell me what exactly is wrong with Nnamdi?” She asked anxiously, almost ignoring the drink  offered her.

“He came in two weeks ago, complaining of chest pains, heartburns, nausea and trouble swallowing. I prescribed some drugs for him and told him to let me know how he felt in a couple of days. He came back complaining that the pains had gotten worse and the drugs had done nothing. To get a proper idea of what might be wrong, we took X-rays of his chest and throat and upon our findings we performed an Endoscopy and discovered that your husband is suffering from Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD). It normally shouldn’t be serious but he has a few complications and underlying conditions that we are currently  looking into to ascertain what we are dealing with.”

She almost fainted. Nnamdi had never mentioned that he was in any sort of pain. She had noticed that he had stopped eating as much and as often as he used to and that a few times he would clutch his chest but whenever she asked, he would smile and say that he was giving old age a run for her money.

As soon as the disease was confirmed, he was started on Pantoprazole and Gaviscon. Thankfully he was discharged the day after and told to come again after ten days. She put the drama of the fashion house aside and became his nurse. On the ninth day, he was taking a nap and he suddenly woke up moving wildly, clutching his chest with his mouth wide open like he was struggling to breathe. She rushed him back to the hospital.

After attending to him, the doctor asked her to come with him to a private room and the look on his face told her that it wasn’t going to be pretty. “He is asthmatic. It has stayed hidden all along and has only come about by the weakening of his respiratory tracts. We will have to perform a Nissen Fundoplication as soon as possible because medication would not be sufficient. We need your approval for this.”

Without thinking, she signed the papers and gave them the go ahead. A few more days of tests and he was wheeled in for surgery. A few more trips like this to the operating room came over the years. Rehabilitations in India every few months and a lot of expensive drugs also followed. They were spending more money than both his companies and her fashion house were making and she had to apply for loans.

As all this went on, his health continued to deteriorate and the intensity of the pains he complained of increased. Nothing they did seemed worth it. His relatives had deserted them. She vividly remembered one of them referring to him as a lost cause but no, he was her Nnamdi. She couldn’t stop trying, believing and hoping that he would be better. She loved him too much.
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“Ma’am…..Ma’am…..he is out of surgery and is presently in recovery.”

His Transoral Incisionless Fundoplication was done. This was a more technical surgery and it was usually done for a minor number of cases of GERD but Nnamdi had asked the doctor to do it after his  Nissen Fundoplication had been unsuccessful. The doctor agreed at his insistence.

“Madam, I am afraid this is going to be the last procedure we can do for him. After this he will have to be on medications alone and just go home and take it easy. I suggest you see another doctor for a second opinion if you feel I am not giving you the best but I can assure you that they will say the same thing. It is the last resort”  Dr Smith said.

This lowered her expectations and after a gruelling 10hrs, Nnamdi awoke and asked for water. He was tired, heck, he looked tired. That was what 5 years of hopelessness and countless procedures could do to you. As soon as he was discharged, they went back home and she continued to nurse him. Her entire life revolved around him. They spent as much time as they could together whenever he felt up for it. He was still in a lot of pain but the meds helped keep it under control.

One morning he started to complain about pain again in his teeth and chest but this time he said it was worse than it normally was. She had him lie down and proceeded to contact the doctor. “You can give him a double dosage of Ibuprofen and we’ll send someone to see him as soon as possible.”

She did as she was instructed but the pain did not stop. A doctor came over and gave him more pain killers but to no avail. He cried until he fell asleep. She cried too, her heart was in pain for him.

The doctor had given him 3months to live after it had been found that he had a stricture that had narrowed his oesophagus and his breathing was declining by the day. There was no medical help for this and he just had to wait till he breathed his last.

This was when he called her and told her what he had in mind to do. She immediately got upset and asked him to never speak of such again. He begged her for days and tried to make her understand. “Agatha, please. It hurts so much. Many nights, the pain makes it impossible for me to sleep. I look at you and it breaks my heart to see that all you do is nurse me. All my teeth feel like they’re not mine. My chest hurts so bad, it feels like I might drop dead the next second. My heart feels…it’s really difficult to breathe. I can’t eat because swallowing hurts and so all I do is regurgitate. Sometimes I’m so nauseous, I feel like I’ve already fainted. I feel like my body is being punished for a heinous crime and my mind is trapped to suffer. Please…” he coughed with pain in his eyes and whispered with the little strength he could muster, “…Please.”

She went to church and prayed, weeping profusely. Life had been very unfair to both of them. They didn’t deserve any of the things that they had gone through. Nnamdi was too kind-hearted for this misfortune. She prayed and prayed until she was spent and then she left and went back home to meet him.

The next morning, she went out to get everything they needed and rushed back home. Nnamdi was still asleep and then she woke him up ever so gently. He weakly smiled at her as he woke up and hugged her. He asked for his Whisky which she had duly brought for him. He opened the bottle, put it to his lips and took three gulps.

He then handed her the bottle and noticed that she was shaking.

“Dont be afraid. You’ll be fine.” he said with a smile.

“I need you to do this. You know that right?” She nodded slowly.

Then he closed his eyes, smiled and whispered “I love you.”

She took his wrist, injected him with a syringe labelled “Sodium Thiopental” and watched him drift into unconsciousness as she whispered “I love you too.”

Tears drifted down her cheeks but she was comforted by the fact that he looked happy.

Three minutes later, she drew a deep breath and then pumped him with Pancuronium Bromide which she was told will cause muscle paralysis and respiratory arrest. His body jerked a little and then he lay still.

Watching that felt like someone had twisted a knife in her heart.

She lifted his body up to her and hugged him ever so closely feeling the heavy, slow beats of his heart. She whimpered as tears ran down her face.

She laid him back down and finally sent Potassium Chloride coursing through his veins to stop his heart.

She had granted his wish.
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Have you ever had a friend or family member in so much pain that you just wished you’ll wake up one day and they’ll have gone away to rest?

Sadly it is a crime to perform euthanasia on anyone in Nigeria but at times it might just be the only way out.

Do share a comment with us both on the story written or any personal similar experiences using the comment box.

Cheers.

This story was written as usual by @Ms_BeeA and @bule_jr.