One Way Street


She held his hands as he was wheeled away into the theatre. Tears flowed down her eyes as the man whom she loved more than anything else in the world had his life in the hands of another man who was about to perform a Transoral Incisionless Fundoplication. She was advised to go home as it was going to be a long surgery due to his age and other medical complications. “I’ll  rather wait”, she insisted as she proceeded to the waiting area.
They had met 39yrs ago while they were in the university and she fell head over heels in love with him. He was quiet, calm, easygoing and humble. Nothing like the other guys she knew. When he asked her to be his, she kept him waiting for some weeks just to tease him and then she finally gave in.

In less than 18 months they were married and had a roller coaster of a honeymoon. They were an inseparable pair and due to the fact that he was a young and budding business tycoon, they were always in the spotlight but this did not affect their relationships. They weren’t just husband and wife as they treated each other like best friends, brother and sister, father and daughter, mother and son and most importantly, lovers. Many said that their kind of love didn’t happen to everyone. They were so close, it was almost annoying.

Ten years passed and though she was yet to conceive, he remained sweet and loving and he never complained. Even when his family started putting pressure on him over their childlessness, he still remained kind and loving. He never treated her with anger or disgust nor did he stand for such by his relatives towards her. Many nights she had gone to bed crying not because of their childless state but because she was overwhelmed at how unreal his loving attitude was to her in the face of their unfortunate situation. She knew he deeply wanted a child, as there was an obvious void in his heart that only a child of his own could fill. They went to all the best doctors they could find and all the tests results came back the same. “You’re both fine. Keep trying.”

And try they did.

Ten more years passed and nothing changed. She was not pregnant and he was not less loving and supportive. She brought up the idea of adopting kids one night but he didn’t want to hear of it. “If they’re not from you then they’re not meant for me” he had said.
Since they were no kids to look after, they had thrown themselves into work. He was the CEO of a group of companies and so had to attend endless board meetings which caused him to work till very late at night. He never let her work so one boring afternoon she had discovered her love for designing & sewing clothes and started a fashion house. Although she mostly worked from home, it was demanding which was why he agreed to let her do it as it would take her mind off their lack of kids.

One night at about 2.00a.m, she was up looking through sketches that some interns had submitted for the upcoming collection and suddenly her phone rang. She remembered looking at the screen with annoyance. She had employed way too many people to handle calls for the fashion house for it to be a dissatisfied customer.

“Can I please speak to Agatha Ohalete” the voice on the other end asked.

“Yes this is she.”

“We need you to please come to St Luke Hospital, urgently.”

“Who is on the line please?” she asked slightly alarmed.

“I’m Nurse Efe. Mr. Ohalete collapsed at his office and was rushed in. As soon as he was conscious, he asked us to call you.”

She immediately jumped up, knocking over the glass of wine she had been sipping from, causing its contents to spill over the papers she had been looking at. Without thinking, she ran out of the house, into her car and sped off to the hospital.

On getting to the hospital, she asked the nurse about her husband, Mr. Ohalete. She was asked to wait while she got a doctor. She was pensive. After what must have been about 15mins, Dr. Smith came and took her to private room 107, asked her to sit down and offered her a glass of water. “Doctor, can you just tell me what exactly is wrong with Nnamdi?” She asked anxiously, almost ignoring the drink  offered her.

“He came in two weeks ago, complaining of chest pains, heartburns, nausea and trouble swallowing. I prescribed some drugs for him and told him to let me know how he felt in a couple of days. He came back complaining that the pains had gotten worse and the drugs had done nothing. To get a proper idea of what might be wrong, we took X-rays of his chest and throat and upon our findings we performed an Endoscopy and discovered that your husband is suffering from Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD). It normally shouldn’t be serious but he has a few complications and underlying conditions that we are currently  looking into to ascertain what we are dealing with.”

She almost fainted. Nnamdi had never mentioned that he was in any sort of pain. She had noticed that he had stopped eating as much and as often as he used to and that a few times he would clutch his chest but whenever she asked, he would smile and say that he was giving old age a run for her money.

As soon as the disease was confirmed, he was started on Pantoprazole and Gaviscon. Thankfully he was discharged the day after and told to come again after ten days. She put the drama of the fashion house aside and became his nurse. On the ninth day, he was taking a nap and he suddenly woke up moving wildly, clutching his chest with his mouth wide open like he was struggling to breathe. She rushed him back to the hospital.

After attending to him, the doctor asked her to come with him to a private room and the look on his face told her that it wasn’t going to be pretty. “He is asthmatic. It has stayed hidden all along and has only come about by the weakening of his respiratory tracts. We will have to perform a Nissen Fundoplication as soon as possible because medication would not be sufficient. We need your approval for this.”

Without thinking, she signed the papers and gave them the go ahead. A few more days of tests and he was wheeled in for surgery. A few more trips like this to the operating room came over the years. Rehabilitations in India every few months and a lot of expensive drugs also followed. They were spending more money than both his companies and her fashion house were making and she had to apply for loans.

As all this went on, his health continued to deteriorate and the intensity of the pains he complained of increased. Nothing they did seemed worth it. His relatives had deserted them. She vividly remembered one of them referring to him as a lost cause but no, he was her Nnamdi. She couldn’t stop trying, believing and hoping that he would be better. She loved him too much.
******************************************

“Ma’am…..Ma’am…..he is out of surgery and is presently in recovery.”

His Transoral Incisionless Fundoplication was done. This was a more technical surgery and it was usually done for a minor number of cases of GERD but Nnamdi had asked the doctor to do it after his  Nissen Fundoplication had been unsuccessful. The doctor agreed at his insistence.

“Madam, I am afraid this is going to be the last procedure we can do for him. After this he will have to be on medications alone and just go home and take it easy. I suggest you see another doctor for a second opinion if you feel I am not giving you the best but I can assure you that they will say the same thing. It is the last resort”  Dr Smith said.

This lowered her expectations and after a gruelling 10hrs, Nnamdi awoke and asked for water. He was tired, heck, he looked tired. That was what 5 years of hopelessness and countless procedures could do to you. As soon as he was discharged, they went back home and she continued to nurse him. Her entire life revolved around him. They spent as much time as they could together whenever he felt up for it. He was still in a lot of pain but the meds helped keep it under control.

One morning he started to complain about pain again in his teeth and chest but this time he said it was worse than it normally was. She had him lie down and proceeded to contact the doctor. “You can give him a double dosage of Ibuprofen and we’ll send someone to see him as soon as possible.”

She did as she was instructed but the pain did not stop. A doctor came over and gave him more pain killers but to no avail. He cried until he fell asleep. She cried too, her heart was in pain for him.

The doctor had given him 3months to live after it had been found that he had a stricture that had narrowed his oesophagus and his breathing was declining by the day. There was no medical help for this and he just had to wait till he breathed his last.

This was when he called her and told her what he had in mind to do. She immediately got upset and asked him to never speak of such again. He begged her for days and tried to make her understand. “Agatha, please. It hurts so much. Many nights, the pain makes it impossible for me to sleep. I look at you and it breaks my heart to see that all you do is nurse me. All my teeth feel like they’re not mine. My chest hurts so bad, it feels like I might drop dead the next second. My heart feels…it’s really difficult to breathe. I can’t eat because swallowing hurts and so all I do is regurgitate. Sometimes I’m so nauseous, I feel like I’ve already fainted. I feel like my body is being punished for a heinous crime and my mind is trapped to suffer. Please…” he coughed with pain in his eyes and whispered with the little strength he could muster, “…Please.”

She went to church and prayed, weeping profusely. Life had been very unfair to both of them. They didn’t deserve any of the things that they had gone through. Nnamdi was too kind-hearted for this misfortune. She prayed and prayed until she was spent and then she left and went back home to meet him.

The next morning, she went out to get everything they needed and rushed back home. Nnamdi was still asleep and then she woke him up ever so gently. He weakly smiled at her as he woke up and hugged her. He asked for his Whisky which she had duly brought for him. He opened the bottle, put it to his lips and took three gulps.

He then handed her the bottle and noticed that she was shaking.

“Dont be afraid. You’ll be fine.” he said with a smile.

“I need you to do this. You know that right?” She nodded slowly.

Then he closed his eyes, smiled and whispered “I love you.”

She took his wrist, injected him with a syringe labelled “Sodium Thiopental” and watched him drift into unconsciousness as she whispered “I love you too.”

Tears drifted down her cheeks but she was comforted by the fact that he looked happy.

Three minutes later, she drew a deep breath and then pumped him with Pancuronium Bromide which she was told will cause muscle paralysis and respiratory arrest. His body jerked a little and then he lay still.

Watching that felt like someone had twisted a knife in her heart.

She lifted his body up to her and hugged him ever so closely feeling the heavy, slow beats of his heart. She whimpered as tears ran down her face.

She laid him back down and finally sent Potassium Chloride coursing through his veins to stop his heart.

She had granted his wish.
*****************************************

Have you ever had a friend or family member in so much pain that you just wished you’ll wake up one day and they’ll have gone away to rest?

Sadly it is a crime to perform euthanasia on anyone in Nigeria but at times it might just be the only way out.

Do share a comment with us both on the story written or any personal similar experiences using the comment box.

Cheers.

This story was written as usual by @Ms_BeeA and @bule_jr.

 

Blitz


Hello there. I’m @Ms_BeeA and I will be writing here with Femi in his words, “as often as I find the muse”. This is my first post here and I hope you like it.

Enjoy!
************************************

She was running late again for her shift at the clinic. If she didn’t get out of the apartment now, she’ll definitely be late but she couldn’t find her lip gloss. She barely wore make-up to work but at least her lips didn’t have to be dry. She checked her make-up purse but she didn’t find the light pink lip gloss that would have been appropriate for work. Then she remembered that Tari came to borrow some make-up from her last night. Remembering this she angrily stomped to Tari’s room and flung open the door.

“Ta…” she stopped.

Tari was still asleep in bed and she had a guest. A mighty fine one. The duvet they had tried to use to cover themselves up wasn’t exactly serving its purpose. She smiled and allowed her mind wonder. Then she remembered she was running late and she tore her eyes from them and looked around for Tari’s bag. She found it and found her lip gloss in it and then she dashed out of their apartment and headed for the bus stop. On the bus ride she couldn’t help feeling jealous of Tari. She was so lucky. Being a model, she had never had to work for more than two days in a week except when she was booked for a fashion show and even that wasn’t very often. As a result she had lots of free time and it made meeting, hooking up or dating guys really easy.
As for her, that was far from the case. Being a nurse is very demanding and they were short-staffed at the clinic so her shifts were long and hectic and she used her little free time to run personal errands and rest. Her last relationship had ended more than two years ago and since then every guy that had shown interest in her had darted on finding out she was a nurse at a mental hospital. She was lonely and it sucked not just emotionally but on so many other levels. Remembering the sight in Tari’s room, she bit her lower lip.

She got to the hospital twenty minutes later than when her shift was to start then she quickly changed into scrubs and ran to the counter to meet the already grumpy-looking nurse she was supposed to take over from. She made the most apologetic face she could.

Nurse Nene, I’m so sorry. My room-mate was having cramps this morning and I couldn’t just leave her.”

Whatever. You’re late. Again. We can’t keep having this Nurse Sarah.”

“I know and I’m really, really sorry.”

“Fine. Two patients were brought in last night. One of them has a severe case of PTSD and the other is Schizophrenic. Dr Salis and I ran evaluation tests on them and we’ve come to those conclusions. We had to sedate the one with PTSD because he got into a fitful rage and we put the other one on Benzodiazepines to help him sleep. When you go on your ward rounds, start with them. They’re in rooms 105B and 112C.”

“Okay. I’ll do that.”

Nurse Nene handed her the patients’ files and left. She took the files and headed to room 112C. People with PTSD came to the clinic all the time but it had been so long since they last had a Schizophrenic. She was curious. Their PTSD friend could wait.

She opened the door to room 112C and saw the patient. He was awake and he was staring at the wall opposite his bed. She let herself in and shut the door. He looked like he was watching something but he seemed calm. She took an immediate liking to him. She didn’t know why. Maybe it was his cute dimples or his manly, stubble beard. Whatever it was, she didn’t exactly know.

She cleared her throat.

“Goodmorning…*she quickly opens his file*…Rotimi. My name is Nurse Sarah. I’m here for my ward round and I just want to see how you’re feeling this morning and to also check your vital signs .”

He smiled and looked at her. “You’re pretty.”

That caught her off guard and she blushed. “Thank you Rotimi but I’d like to know how you’re feeling this morning.”

“They said you’re pretty too.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Who are “they”?”

“You wouldn’t know them. They’ve gone. They don’t stay when I have visitors.”

“Ok. So I’m going to check your vital signs.”

She used the stethoscope around her neck to check his heart beat and pulse rate and then she wrote in his file.

“So would you please tell me how you feel this morning?” She asked.

“I’m fine. I don’t need to be here.” He replied.

“Rotimi you’re not fine. I mean you’re fine but that’s not what I mean. You have a condition.”

“Everybody thinks I’m crazy. Do you think I’m crazy?”

“No, Rotimi. I don’t think you’re crazy.”

He smiled. “Good ’cause I don’t think you’re crazy too.”

She smiled. “Thank you.” She dragged the chair by the wall and placed it beside his bed and sat down. “Maybe you should just talk to me. Tell me how you’re feeling, what you’re thinking, what you see and then I can help you prove to everyone that you’re not crazy.”

“I don’t just see things. I’m not a freak. I hear voices. Everybody in the world hears voices in their heads. Why aren’t they all in hospitals?”

“Yes, we all hear voices in our heads sometimes but that’s different from what’s going on with you.” She looked into his file. “You were brought here last night because you attempted to commit suicide. You almost jumped off the top of your apartment building but for the security guard that followed you and stopped you. Why did you want to do that?”

He sighed and stared at the wall. “I didn’t want to kill myself. I might not be having the best life but I’m not interested in dying yet. I couldn’t sleep. There was this loud noise. I left my apartment and it got louder so I tried to trace where it was coming from. When I got to the top of the building, there were people there. It was a party that was why it was so noisy. It reminded me of a pool party I had attended some years back. I saw a familiar face. A girl. She jumped into the pool and I stood at the edge of the pool and watched her swim. Then she asked me to join her for a swim. I was about to jump in the pool when the guard yelled at me to get back.”

His story made her so sad. Why did this have to be happening to him? She tried to explain things to him in the calmest way she could.

“Look Rotimi, what you thought you saw was actually a delusion. When you were brought in last night evaluation tests were carried out on you and we discovered that you are suffering from a mental disorder called Schizophrenia. Associated with schizophrenia is a thought problem described as psychosis. This makes you usually hear voices and see people that aren’t actually present and we refer to that as auditory hallucinations and delusions. It’s one of the five types of Schizophrenia called Paranoid schizophrenia. It’s treatable but currently incurable. Nonetheless I assure you that we will do our best to help you get better.”

He didn’t say anything. She continued.

“There are drugs that can suppress the hallucinations and delusions and there are also therapeutic treatments and programs that can help you with your reality detachment issues.”

He looked at her. “So, the bottom line is you also think I’m crazy.”

“No I don’t.” She quickly said. “I just think you’re a bit confused and you need a little help.”

He smiled. “I need help huh? We’re saying the same thing. You think I’m crazy. I know I’m not. I know what I saw.”

“Rotimi, I honestly don’t think you’re crazy. It’s just that…” Her pager beeped. “I have to go but I’ll be back, I promise.”

As she got up to leave he said, “No matter what you think of me, I’ll still think you’re pretty.”

She blushed. “Thanks again.”

She left his room and went to find out why she was beeped. She hadn’t completed her ward rounds. She quickly went to attend to other patients and went to sort out some paperwork. As she went about her duties, she couldn’t stop thinking about Rotimi and how much she wanted to know more about him. He wasn’t anything like the other patients. She rolled her eyes as she remembered one of the patients that had tried to grope her when she was checking his pulse rate. Rotimi would never do something like that. He was so calm and polite and so she kept her promise. She went back to his room during her lunch break and they talked. He said the voices left when she came.

They talked about him. About his family and how they had all died in a fire when he was a teenager while he was spending the weekend with a friend. About being a teacher. He had taught chemistry at a secondary school and she could tell he loved the kids he taught because he spoke about them with love and affection. Four teachers had seen him at different times talking to an empty lab and two students had at two different times passed by the window of his office and saw him yelling angrily at no one. He was served with a letter terminating his employment. They talked about how after he lost his job, he discovered his love for writing and drawing and how he started to write and draw for a comic book series he intended to publish. It was about a dying breed of super humans and how they discovered their powers and used it to fight bad guys. His eyes brightened up when he talked about it. He looked like an over-excited kid in a toy store. They even talked about how he was allergic to onions because they made his eyes go red and itch terribly.

After her shift ended, she came back to his room and they talked some more.

They talked about politics and the economy and cancer and natural disasters. Before she knew it, they were talking about her. The nurse was talking to the patient about the nurse. However, it didn’t feel like that. It felt like she was talking to an old friend.

She talked about how she missed her parents and two siblings who were all living in London. About how she decided to become a nurse after watching a movie about a nurse that touched the lives of all the patients at a hospital in amazing ways. About how her dad wasn’t so happy about it because he wanted her to be a lawyer. About how he has accepted it but never sounds excited on the phone when he asks about her job. About how hectic nursing school was and how she dealt with being undermined by people generally because she was only a nurse and they assumed it wasn’t as important as being a doctor. She talked about Tari and how she loved and hated her but loved her more than she hated her. They also talked about random stuff like how she hated ketchup because to her it tasted like tomato puree and how she still hated Brad Pitt for leaving Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie. About the hilarious things that happen on the bus on her way home between angry passengers.

They talked and laughed some more. Then she had to leave. It was 11pm and her shift had ended at 8pm. She was sad she had to leave but she knew she had to. It was a short bus ride home but she hated being out late.

She stood up to leave. “I have to go now, Rotimi. It’s getting late but I promise I’ll be back tomorrow.” She said with a smile.

“Alright.” He said. “And I promise I’ll be here when you come tomorrow.”

She laughed. “Where else would you be?”

He smiled. “Well, you made me a promise and I just wanted to make you one too.”

She blushed. He was so cute.

“Alrighty. In that case, I’ll hold you to your promise.”

“And I’ll hold you to yours.” He replied.

As she turned to leave, he said “And you’re still as pretty as you were when you first came in this morning.”

She blushed again.

“And you’re still as sweet as you were when I first saw you this morning. See you tomorrow.” She said and left.

As she left the hospital and walked to the bus stop, thoughts of Rotimi flooded her mind. As she got on the bus, she still couldn’t stop thinking about him. She didn’t even pay attention to the idle gossip between the two women that sat next to her. On another day she would’ve been interested but not today. She smiled to herself as she thought about his brown eyes, cute dimples, manly stubble beard and rich brown skin. A lethal combination. She thought about the way he talked and how he talked. She laughed when she remembered how he laughed. Then she remembered she was on a bus and composed herself before people started saying the nurse from the mental hospital was going crazy.

As she got off the bus and walked to her apartment she was still thinking about him. How alive he became when he talked about his comic book series. How calm, polite and genuinely sweet he was. No one had told her that she was pretty as many times as he did today. Not even her ex. She couldn’t remember when last she had really talked about herself even with Tari. There was something about him that made talking about herself so easy. She was still thinking about him when she unlocked her apartment and let herself in. She saw Tari’s note on the fridge about not coming home for the night because she was sleeping over somewhere else. She didn’t care. Tari was probably returning the favour to the guest she had seen in her room in the morning. For the first time, she wasn’t jealous.

She was still thinking about Rotimi while she ate dinner and while she showered and while she brushed her teeth. He was still on her mind when she locked up for the night and climbed into bed. She knew she felt something for him. Maybe not love because they had only just met and she didn’t believe in the crap about love at first sight but she knew there was something. It made her feel warm and fuzzy all over. As she closed her eyes to sleep she felt very eager to go to work the next day. More eager that she had felt in a long time and it was not just because she loved helping the mentally ill.

She couldn’t wait to see the patient in room 112C. Rotimi, the Schizophrenic.
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How can You relate with Sarah’s Story here today?

Have you met someone and just had that instant attraction and you just couldn’t think of anything else?

Share that wonderful experience with us would you. :D

Anyway, For those that missed the announcement and as she has already said earlier, the author of today’s post @Ms_BeeA, is now a permanent writer on this blog. Do show her some love. And it gets better, this story is anything but done, she will continue this as soon as she ‘finds the muse’.

I am sure you don’t want to miss it. Till then.

Cheers.

The Case Of The Ex


“See that stupid girl over there!!”, shouted Nina, startling everyone out of their sleepy state.

We all looked up shocked and asked in unison “what happened?” as we all leaned forward on our lounge chairs in the balcony that overlooked the road to get a better view of this “stupid girl”.

I looked at Nina’s face & then I heard a loud voice next to my ear saying “That’s Becky & Kevin!” Uh oh…there was a sudden chill on the balcony…He who was not to be named, in other words, KEVIN, was NINA’S EX!

Nina laid back, looking perplexed and then we all started to mumble and mutter about “that Becky bitch”…”such a fake friend”…”stupid hoe”…we could not believe that Becky, Nina’s own best friend had gone after Kevin, after Nina & Kevin broke up.

“Is that right?” asked lina “I would never do that” said Claire, which brings US to the purpose of this blog post.

IS IT RIGHT TO DATE AN EX.?
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YES YES YES, It is not only right but it’s perfectly legal to date to an ex but there are certain points you need to take into consideration first.

I am not trying to preach to anyone but this major question should be analyzed before proceeding: are you trying to keep your friend in the process whilst making such decisions?

We have all had friends with failed relationships and we should respect that but sometimes we all know that some ex’s are too tasty (good looking) to resist.

Bearing that in mind, we also have to admit or sympathize that some girls are possessive or extra protective relating to the duration/intensity/history of the relationship, this is where wisdom and maturity come in.

Another thing you need to ask yourself is, how important is your friendship with the person? Is the friendship worth fighting for?

Now let’s assume you have two brain cells and you have rubbed them together and you have already assessed the situation, this is your good friend, your ride or die…then under no circumstances should you go after you girl’s ex, especially when you know how into each other they were!

What has happened to the ‘Girl Code’ Ladies? It’s rather non-existent these days!

When you find yourself in this type of ‘I-like-my-friend’s-ex situation..The best thing to do is to speak to them about it. And don’t just listen to the words they say, watch their body language. They might say yeah they are okay with your liking and even dating their ex meanwhile what they really mean is, you bitch! How can you even fancy my ex? Did you fancy him all along?…one needs to tread carefully in these sort of situations.

These can be very delicate issues, especially when your mate and their ex shared deep moments (Good or bad) with each other. For example your friend’s relationship with the ex might have ended badly. Then one day you ask your friend if is okay to date the person that caused them a lot of grief. That might hurt your friend or make her even wonder if you and the ex were having something whilst they were together.

The other thing you want to look at is to make sure that the ex has no hidden agendas concerning your friend. You want to pay close attention because he might just be using you to get close to your friend again. There’s nothing like a little jealously up close to make an ex think they made the wrong decision when you broke up. People use this tactic all the time.

Also look at yourself and ask what is your motivation for you wanting to date your friend’s ex. It is considered being a bit unusual to want to date your friends ex lover. Did you and the ex just click in conversation and you have a lot in common? Or maybe it was a harmless meeting and you and the ex just thought you like to get to know each other better. Or are you the reason your friend is no longer with their ex in the first place? Remember what is done in the dark comes to light. Examine your motives and be honest with yourself before you even think about doing anything else. Only go after it if you are very sure it has a fighting chance, if not you will end up on the erring of not only that your friend but all other mutual friends and parties in the know.

In the end if you are going to make a decision, yay or nay to go forth with dating your friend’s ex, Just weigh the pros and cons and make the best decision. And ask yourself if its worth it. Sometimes we have chemistry with people and it just feels right but that is not the only criteria needed to be ticked.

Finding the right person takes a delicate touch and a lot more composure and understanding.

‘Ex’ does mean that they are no longer together and truthfully you can date whomever you want.

Even with the objections of your friend at times you might want to ignore that and just go ahead with it because you feel something very strong for that person but it makes things so much better and comfortable if you discuss it with your friend and the ex so you can move along in peace. It makes it so much better if everyone can get along.

You’ll never know if one day this relationship will become more that it is today.

Or if you and your friend’s ex attend one of those parties or functions and see your friend there. The entire situation will be a little awkward and will take a lot of maturity to avoid a situation developing whether the other party still has feelings for the ex or not.

On the other end of the spectrum. Others feel as though engaging in any sort of dialogue with an ex beyond a swift “hello”, “How have you been?” & “Goodbye” is grounds for suspicion & possible termination should it go any further. Ultimately, if the relationship didn’t last & its understood by both parties, then there’s no real issue.

Or is it a matter of tolerance & personal preference or a blatant violation of friendly codes of ethnics?

**************************************************************************

We have grown up in a country where religious and cultural practices take precedence and this kind of issue will probably be looked at entirely differently, right?

That will definitely open up another can of beans so we’ll keep that aside and just discuss the logical and moral angles to this story.

It was written by my good friend Gbemi (@MsWilliams_) and I really would have liked to write a guy’s response to this but it won’t have been much different, as for me the same rules apply with our ‘Bro Code’ and what not.

But let’s discuss a few things:
1. When is it right to date a friends ex?
2.When are ex’s off limits?
3. Does the opinion of your friends matter in situations like these.

If you begin to develop feelings for your friend’s ex,WILL YOU DATE THE PERSON?

You know the drill, speak your mind using the comment box.

Cheers.

McDREAMy II


Is This The Truth?

Is This The Truth?

Welcome people.

Last Time we had a story about a dream girl and many girls had their say on it and felt we were over-reaching and being unrealistic. If you missed it read it here http://bulejr.wordpress.com/2011/06/21/mcdreamy/

Its only fair that we have their own side of the story and allow them dream as well Right?

So I got my good friend @ukabah(who happened to be the most outspoken person on that post) to write the female response to McDREAMy.

Enjoy!!

So we all saw @bule_jr’s dream girl but as the name implies, she was only in his dreams.

My dream guy will be 6ft 4inches, well -built, not enough to scare people away but enough to look like Zeus; shirt-less.

He is handsome beyond words, with a sexy smile that starts with a little curve at the side of his mouth and slowly widens to display perfect teeth.

His laugh is magical and can make all my problems seem unimportant, his touch is gentle, his words always kind.

He speaks English, Espanol and Italian(ah bellisima!) fluently. He would have eyes that look into the soul, he would love, care and understand with all his heart.

He will always be there no matter what, he would give up the world for me, give his whole heart to me. He would know when I need him, just by looking at me, no need for words.

He would control my moods easily, when he kisses me, the world would cease to exist and only that moment would matter.

Ah! Could my eyes be deceiving me? He’s sitting right there in the corner at the restaurant. His hair slicked back so sexy, his suit looking like it was made on him, his hands smooth and nails well manicured.

His Italian shoes tapping gently to the music playing. This has to be him, he fits my description in every way, he is perfect! He had those eyes, the ones that just let me know he would be all I need and more.

Could he be waiting for someone?

Anger boiled inside me thinking about how a lady could keep a treasure like this waiting, if he were mine, I’d never let him out of my sight.

I watched patiently, thinking of what could possibly make good conversation between us, what excuse would I have to go over there?

Do I write a note and give to the waiter to take to him? Or do I go over and hope I don’t make a fool of myself.

Finally, I summon the courage and smooth down the skirt of my dress. Just as I get to my feet I see him; a much older man, coming straight for Mr Perfect’s table.

I relax…it’s not a girl after all, business meeting perhaps?

So perfect and hard-working…this is too good to be true. *sigh*

Still making my way over very slowly, I stop suddenly.

Why are they hugging tightly?

Why did the old man’s hands slightly run up Mr Perfect’s back?

And why when they sat down, were they still holding hands across the table?

And then it happened, the older one leaned across and kissed my Mr Perfect lightly on the lips.

Now it all made sense, what was I thinking?

So that’s that. I have to say thank you to the beautiful @ukabah for a very nice write up.

But again this is just a response for the guys to come and defend themselves after they felt battered last time around. :D

Are the girls over-reaching as well?

Are there really perfect Guys out there?

Does anybody’s dream spouse come true?

Feel free to share your comments about the perfect guy and whether its right for them to dream or they should just manage anything that comes our way.

Cheers people.

Relationships = Jamb

Relationships = Jamb

“The Concept Of Dating”


cute couple

cute couple

What is about dating that can be so hard at times. I mean c’man, a guy meets a girl or a girl meets a guy and after a couple of ‘hang outs’ they realise they have some chemistry and decide to go into a relationship. I mean in a nutshell this is what it is(or supposed to be) plus or minus a few things. Right? No?
What now makes it so complicated?

Why is it that it takes over your whole life and consumes you when its supposed to complement you and make you a better person?

Why does it make us act silly most of the time instead of helping to fine tune our lives?

So many questions, yet so few answers.

I am no expert and this isn’t entirely original but let’s discuss on certain rules that might/should/could/ help relationships.

1. Dating Rule #1: Don’t Lose Who You Are

Your first priority in a relationship – no matter what kind of a relationship you are in – is to be yourself. To do that, you’ll need to love yourself by ensuring you are ready to date before taking the plunge, as well as having a strong sense of self-worth and esteem.

2. Dating Rule #2: Ensure Every Date is Fun

Not only does trying to make your date happy make you feel good, but it is also one of the first signs of attraction. And studies have shown that when taking someone out on a date, the primary way your date will be determined a success of is how much fun was had. Err? Ok

3. Dating Rule #3: Communicate Well and Clearly

It is impossible to have a healthy relationship without strong communication. In essence, communication is the bridge that forms between partners, helping them create a sacred space in the middle ground where they meet in order to foster love and intimacy. Without clear communication, two people who seem like they are connected romantically to outsiders truly aren’t; instead they just going through the motions, lacking the intimacy they require to move forward, together.

4. Dating Rule #4: Be a Strong Negotiator

When communication alone isn’t enough to weather a relationship through stormy times, negotiation skills come into play. In order to work through the issues that arise in these kinds of circumstances, both partners must be able and willing to negotiate. When done with respect and awareness, negotiation can be the key to unlock a shared bright future.

5. Dating Rule #5: Nurture Your Relationship

All dating relationships require tender loving care in order to thrive. Daily appreciation, respect, attentiveness, reciprocity and kindness all work towards showing your partner that you cherish them and value their contribution to your life.

6. Dating Rule #6: Touch

Now every person in a relationship needs to have that physical connection and needs to ‘feel’ loved and cared for. A cuddle while watching a movie or Afmag, holding hands on the beach, or plain stroking of the hair. Might seem small but trust me it goes a long way, especially for them ladies. :D trust me there is a place for physical touch.

7. Dating Rule #7: Space

Its hard for many couples to understand that not every trouble faced or fight must be sorted out by talking about it immediately. Especially for girls, many times a guy just wants to be alone and clear his thoughts. If and when he does that he will call/text you. And by the way this counts also not only when you fight but when he just wants to hang with the guys. Give him that room to just be free without nagging or wanting to tag along. He will miss you soon enough and come crawling back.

8. Dating Rule #8: Trust

Even I don’t know what to write about this but just know it has to be there some how. No and I repeat *shouting* NO relationship will work without trust. You have to let go and let GOD if not there’s no point being in it.

After writing this and looking through them myself, I have but one conclusion: THERE
ARE NO FREAKING RULES AS TO HOW TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP LAST LONGER PERIOD
.
Who says if you do all these it will last?
Who says not doing any won’t make it last?
I could have written more but said I should leave them out for you all to share in the comment box.
And also please share anything that has helped you in times past; your words of wisdom could save a relationship today. *winks*

P.S coming from the writer of the ‘DIET’ err #6 might not be the way for everybody. #okbye

Cheers.

dating Tips?

dating Tips?

The concept of kissing


is this what its all about?

is this what its all about?

We have all seen blog-posts about sex, prostitution, relationships, chris and co. haven’t we? Same topic, same arguments and then everyone just goes and continues the way they were.

Let’s take it a notch down shall we. Let’s talk about the little thing that almost always precedes sex but is given as little attention as one can imagine. We call it kissing or to some “tush” people, hitting 1st base.

Its likely the first ever type of physical interaction you had with the opposite sex(or same sex) and what many of us kinda looked forward to in high school and some, maybe University. Heehee ((hugs))

Is it a sin?
Is it not a sin?
Is it right?
Is it wrong?

There are so many schools of thought on this issue that one easily gets confused as to what’s right or wrong.

As for me I don’t believe kissing(on its own) is wrong but the devils that it can bring about make it a treacherous ground to walk on. Stories of young girls and guys who had plans to keep “IT” till they got married but wanted to ‘explore’ just a little bit come to mind. And from a ‘kiss’ it went to 2nd base then to 3rd base and yada yada….we know how this ends.

I for one went on a ‘diet’, and had no physical contact whatsoever with my last girlfriend. This relationship lasted 2yrs but I TOTALLY ignored that aspect and decided to focus on the emotional and intellectual sides and developed a strong bond that wasn’t based on what I was getting(physically). I did this to prove to myself(and a couple of friends) that it was a possibility and NO I wasn’t getting any outside.

Whether my next girlfriend gets any from me remains to be seen but its a good feeling to want more from the opposite sex than just sex and all its cousins and actually have control over your mind and body. *Na GOD help me oh*

By kissing I am also referring to all physical contact without actual sex and penetration(rated err…… 16 or with this new generation 12??)

I thought to myself one day that a kiss is just a general way of showing deep appreciation and affection to someone dear to you, yes? No? Its my blog and post so accept it. :D

But to go on a date and already have a plan as to how you are gonna go for the kiss when you are alone somewhere or when you are dropping the person off at home is just plain wrong in my opinion.

I’ve been with a friend who was with his babe for a whole day and didn’t listen to jack of what she was saying. Time to go home, he knows she will give him ‘the usual’ and his face lights up like a christmas tree. I was burnt for the babe and thought to myself, is this what it’s all about?

Looking back, I think this is what brought about the ‘diet’.

If it occurs spontaneously, for me is when it makes a lot of sense(look back, I am sure you will agree with me), looking forward to and planning a kiss kinda kills the purpose and renders it meaningless.

But who am I kidding? How many times is it spontaneous?

Almost every relationship now is based on the physical but it can and should be much more than that.

But these again are just my thoughts. Will you give a ‘diet’ a try?

*sigh*

*sigh*