The Bad Spouse: The Tale Of The Gold-Digger(s)

My first ever guest writer @MsWilliams_ gives us a look at the world of female Gold Diggers …. Its the concluding part to our bad spouse series.


Confessions/Tales of a gold digger

When did it become acceptable to be a gold-digger?

Let me start by giving you an insight to the term ‘Gold-digger’. 
Any woman whose primary interest in a relationship is material benefits or a woman who cares more about a man’s bank account than she does about the man is a ‘gold digger.’

After all, isn’t a woman who sleeps with a man for money – or at least for extensive use of his credit card – called something else?

But then, ‘prostitute’ doesn’t have quite the same glamorous, diamond-encrusted platinum ring to it, does it?

Who needs sexual chemistry when you can have cold hard cash right?

Karen is an attractive intelligent young girl but underneath the pretty tousled hair and shiny Chanel handbags, the message is an ugly one.

‘Okay I’m tired of beating around the bush, I’m a beautiful 25 year old girl. I am articulate & classy, I am looking to get married to a guy that makes at least 5-6 million a year, I know how that sounds but keep in mind that 5 million a year is middle class in nigeria so I don’t think I’m overreacting at all’.

This is a young lady who doesn’t even have her own pot to piss in but she is good living off other guy’s money.

The image of womanhood that the gold-digger propagates is one of a greedily acquisitive airhead. She never reads a book or a newspaper, but knows the ticket price for the latest designer handbag.

Consumption replaces affection. 

Her diamante sandals may be lovely and sparkly, but she tarnishes all of us.

I have friends who are dating rich men just to get designer clothes and jewellery, and one who was seeing a 60-year-old just so he would pay for her to have breast implants

‘Forget tall, dark & handsome. Even love is an optional extra, what I am looking for in a man is a nice fat bank account’ said Lorna, during one of our conversations on a girls night out. Lorna has been dating Micheal, who is 60 years old for about 6-7 months now, they do have sex, and she says: ‘I love him,’ although whether she’d love him if he was a street sweeper is an open question. -_-

‘Would love make me rich or would it feed me. ‘I was not born with a silver spoon & for me to survive in this cold heartless world, I have to use my assets to get what I am’ said Claire as she interrupted Lorna.

These are quotes from a couple of girls who are content with their life style & do not wish to alter what they do. They enjoy it & it makes them happier than love would ever do. 

Some women love money & the trappings of success but they also have a lazy streak, so instead of working hard at making their own money, they look for a free ride, fueled of course by your money but your time & energy as well.

What’s interesting about the new breed of gold-diggers is that they tend to be well-educated and come from good families like karen. But she finds more pleasure gold digging & feels its her way to independence instead of relying on the families wealth :s

A man exists in a gold digging world not as an equal partner in a kind, loving, relationship, but merely as someone to be fleeced for as much money as possible.

It is worth saying that the men are not blameless in this unpleasant sex for designer clothes/ jewellery/breast implants transaction. A man who buys a woman is no better than the woman who agrees to sell herself. It all reduces human interaction to the level of a business deal.

How depressing and how insulting to the millions of women who don’t live their lives according to these mercenary rules.

Some women are trifling, some don’t want to work, most are materialistic & for some its a ‘Gift of gab” that they got. They use what they got (ASSets) to get what they want. 

Looking further ahead, do these girls know the sort of deal they are doing? They are not only throwing away any moral sense, but also their independence, control of their own lives and self-respect.

I know a man who has never married. He’s not gay, hideous or furious, he doesn’t have eczema, halitosis, twitch, stammer or deformed genitalia. He doesn’t live with his mother neither is a plane spotter. He is independently wealthy, attractive, cultured, amusing, kind & popular. He has been in & out of relationships, mainly because the sole purpose of the girls being attracted to him in the first place was his wealth & nothing more. One of his Ex-girlfriends actually joked & said ‘If not because of your bank account, we wouldn’t have gotten this far in this relationship’

The real reason he can’t sign up to marriage is because he fears that all women are only really after his wealth & the family silver, the frugally milked blue chip portfolio & his hand made shirts. any woman he fancies must, as heads follow tails, be out to pick his pocket & empty his safe. He knows that the evolutionary purpose of every woman is to find a male, fleece him, skin him & throw him back a broken shivering pauper. My friend is extreme but he’s not alone. 

I know some  men who are rich, comfortable, working full time & earning good money but are scared of dating because they think all the woman might be attracted to is the size of their bank accounts.

I don’t blame them really. 
Times have changed but the concept remains the same. Whether we like it or not, many women still wish (sometimes subconsciously or quietly) for someone who can be a bread winner for various reasons. 

I write as someone who could have taken the gold-digger route I didn’t take the gold-digger route because I think it is wrong. It is insulting to men and it cheapens women. Every woman who does it polishes an image of womankind that the rest of us then have to try to argue against. 

Most women are seeking wealthy partners who can provide for them, prioritising financial security over other factors like romance, love, looks & compatibility.

Another question is Why  some men are only  interested in a woman’s superficial look? Why are they content to value appearance  over personality traits?

Who knows, I say the two deserve each other– the gold digger who sells herself for money & the man who wants the woman solely for her outside appearance & to show her off like some kind of trophy or apparel. 

When I explain that I have never dated a man for his money, nor have any of my girlfriends, that we have jobs and homes of our own and we wouldn’t dream of expecting a boyfriend to provide either, they look at me with disbelief. 

While we are the majority, the sad fact is, we are all judged as a result of things like this. It makes us all look cheap

But the line between the girl who asks for cash up front and the one who is taken to a designer boutique to choose the latest handbag is surely now as thin as the strap on a La Perla push-up bra.

Girls are not smiling 😐

Shout out to @MsWilliams_ for the piece because there’s no way in the world i could have known all this stuff about girls.
So there we have it, the end of the Bad spouse series. I’m sure there are so many more issues to deal with than this few up here but we didn’t want to bore everyone but we will like you to share your views, thoughts and experiences in the comment section.


The Bad Spouse

Part 1: The Tale Of The Boys.

” Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die – FELA(or somebody like that sha).”

“Every man wants to play around but no one wants to marry a H*E – @bule_jr :p

Don’t be scared, I won’t go too far with the ‘diet’ yarns today(by the way if you don’t know what the diet is, Check the last post(s).

Today we talk about the guys so ladies enjoy and diss us while you can because in the second part, we will deal with your own side to the story.

Ever heard the statement: “I play around a bit but this girl(referring to a decent homely girl) is wife material, I DON’T mess around with her?” «—- This has got the be the dumbest thing I have heard guys say. To make it worse they say as soon as I marry, I won’t play ‘away games’ any longer. Like Really????

You mysteriously believe that once you put a ring on your finger and get married, all the girls will suddenly become unattractive to you? I don’t think so infact research shows the opposite even happens and guys become more attractive to girls. Ladies am I right?

In defense though, a girl told me she feels that boys were made to cheat on girls. #pause. I didn’t make that up. She said she had accepted it and gave her boyfriend room to play around as long as ‘HE CAME HOME’. Huh? I felt for her really. And I asked her why she had to put up with such crap but her reply in a nutshell was,”she loved him and he took care of all her needs”. Ok. Safe to say, the boy enjoyed his ‘freedom’ a whole lot without a care in the world.

If all guys play around like this, ladies, where will your dream husband come from? Mars?

I feel if you want to have a wife material, you should be husband material as well. To expect something good from a girl, I just feel you should be decent as well.

I’m a guy as well but I have asked this question: a guy sleeps around and he is seen as a bad guy, but a girl does this and she is brandished with all sort of names. Why? Please someone tell me Why?
Anyway, years ago, I started putting all in the same bracket, your gender definitely offers no immunity on this one.

Plus as christians and if I’m not wrong, muslims as well,we all agree that sex before marriage is a sin, right? So why is a ‘diet’ such a bad idea? Ok I allow for a little physical intimacy :D, I really just shared my thoughts last time out but the ‘whole ten yards’?
*please don’t batter me today, I’m just sharing my opinions*

All I’m saying is the least you owe someone you are in an exclusive relationship with is to be faithful, not easy I know but guys, C’man we have to try.

I know no one is perfect and not everyone will agree with what’s up here but talking about spouses(barring physical outlook), things like honesty, trustworthiness , loving, God-fearing e.t.c should be on all our lists right? No? *sigh*

Someone(much older) told me recently that relationships are no longer what they used to be and the purpose for which they were meant for has been lost in our generation. I flipped and defended ‘US’ but that was just a reflex action and he had a point, a valid one. 😦

We have to help ourselves and just be good boys, like our parents taught us :D, except you want to be ignorant, not all girls out there are bad and H*ES(I hate this word), and the least they deserve is a good guy. Can I get an ‘AMEN’ ladies?

But the question is are there any good spouses? Or just ‘manageable’ bad ones?

The concept Of kissing: Recap

I named it the concept of kissing for a reason. It will get people reading and I get to see where y’all are coming from, no way was I gonna be talking about how to tilt your head, whether to go 30 n let the guy come 70. Hian, hollywood has done that already. 😛
At the end of the day, the post was just my concept and rationale behind the place for kissing and physical intimacy in a relationship. You did not have to agree with me but I just shared my thoughts.
Let me say this, the decision to go on the ‘diet’ wasn’t a one sided one as the woman in question was thinking along the same lines so unlike what many think, I wasn’t being wicked and wasn’t depriving a ‘needy’ person. I was just sick and tired of all that.
It was very intimate in its own way, but I just didn’t get physical. Why is this so hard to comprehend? We cannot all be the same and that was just me exploring new sides to me.
I said whether or not my next get some we will wait and see: that means I more than likely will but I know the place it has in relationships and won’t be doing it to ‘keep up with appearances’.

Anyway I just let this out to clear the air and let it be known that I’m perfectly normal and healthy. 😀

Check back in a couple of hours for ‘The Good Spouse’. It should be a good read. Cheers

The concept of kissing

is this what its all about?

is this what its all about?

We have all seen blog-posts about sex, prostitution, relationships, chris and co. haven’t we? Same topic, same arguments and then everyone just goes and continues the way they were.

Let’s take it a notch down shall we. Let’s talk about the little thing that almost always precedes sex but is given as little attention as one can imagine. We call it kissing or to some “tush” people, hitting 1st base.

Its likely the first ever type of physical interaction you had with the opposite sex(or same sex) and what many of us kinda looked forward to in high school and some, maybe University. Heehee ((hugs))

Is it a sin?
Is it not a sin?
Is it right?
Is it wrong?

There are so many schools of thought on this issue that one easily gets confused as to what’s right or wrong.

As for me I don’t believe kissing(on its own) is wrong but the devils that it can bring about make it a treacherous ground to walk on. Stories of young girls and guys who had plans to keep “IT” till they got married but wanted to ‘explore’ just a little bit come to mind. And from a ‘kiss’ it went to 2nd base then to 3rd base and yada yada….we know how this ends.

I for one went on a ‘diet’, and had no physical contact whatsoever with my last girlfriend. This relationship lasted 2yrs but I TOTALLY ignored that aspect and decided to focus on the emotional and intellectual sides and developed a strong bond that wasn’t based on what I was getting(physically). I did this to prove to myself(and a couple of friends) that it was a possibility and NO I wasn’t getting any outside.

Whether my next girlfriend gets any from me remains to be seen but its a good feeling to want more from the opposite sex than just sex and all its cousins and actually have control over your mind and body. *Na GOD help me oh*

By kissing I am also referring to all physical contact without actual sex and penetration(rated err…… 16 or with this new generation 12??)

I thought to myself one day that a kiss is just a general way of showing deep appreciation and affection to someone dear to you, yes? No? Its my blog and post so accept it. 😀

But to go on a date and already have a plan as to how you are gonna go for the kiss when you are alone somewhere or when you are dropping the person off at home is just plain wrong in my opinion.

I’ve been with a friend who was with his babe for a whole day and didn’t listen to jack of what she was saying. Time to go home, he knows she will give him ‘the usual’ and his face lights up like a christmas tree. I was burnt for the babe and thought to myself, is this what it’s all about?

Looking back, I think this is what brought about the ‘diet’.

If it occurs spontaneously, for me is when it makes a lot of sense(look back, I am sure you will agree with me), looking forward to and planning a kiss kinda kills the purpose and renders it meaningless.

But who am I kidding? How many times is it spontaneous?

Almost every relationship now is based on the physical but it can and should be much more than that.

But these again are just my thoughts. Will you give a ‘diet’ a try?



The Real Deal II



Well I just couldn’t leave the last post at that point and even though I had another write up in mind, let’s see if we can try and wrap things up on relationships this way……

Firstly there are two kinds of relationships. Interpersonal and intimate relationships.
Obviously we will be dealing with intimate relationships in this post.

What is really an intimate relationship? Off the top of my head I will say it’s a
relationship between 2 mature people who build bonds in view of reaching a set target. And mind you maturity here isn’t talking about age but development of ones thinking and the outlook one has on life.

If you are not ready for one, then you are not. Period. DO NOT be forced into one simply because you are trying to make a statement to someone or simply because you are tired of being teased by people over your lack of ‘a significant other’.

Ever seen someone go into a relationship and all of a sudden becomes someone you hardly recognize anymore? Seen a friend ever drift away from people simply because they are trying to please their ‘lover’?

The story of Lolade comes to mind.
A girl with a very decent upbringing who decided she was going to wait out till marriage and also wait for Mr. right and not just test the waters. She had made good on her promise up until she went to Abuja for her NYSC programme and was posted to a bank.

All alone for the first time she faced challenges like never before and didn’t have anyone to call on for help. Along the way she met Alex, who was a dashing businessman and also a valued customer of the branch she worked in. He took interest in her and after a little persuasion she went out with him and before long they were officially dating.

Lolade, a novice in the game, was easily swayed by material things and the ‘sugar coated words’ of Alex and soon started having butterflies in her stomach.

After her service was done, Alex told her it was fun while it lasted but that he didn’t see them going anywhere and the earlier they broke it off the better.

She cried all night as she thought she had gained not only material things from the man, but the man himself. At least something to show her mum as a ‘product’ of NYSC. But alas she had lost everything to this man. Her dreams, her most prized “female assets”, her VIRGINITY, EVERYTHING…

She had learned enough.

Next time she would be wiser.

BULES’ thought: I have seen love screw with the heads of people(male and female inclusive). I have seen the very essence and foundation of true relationships get entangled with physical and material things.

Lolade held out for as long as she could and its props to her but as soon as she let her guard down it became easy for other things to rub off on her and make her mix up her priorities.
The Question today is :
1 What do you base your relationship on?
2. How long do you study a potential partner before going in?
3. Do you set targets and timelines for your relationships?