The Real Deal II



Well I just couldn’t leave the last post at that point and even though I had another write up in mind, let’s see if we can try and wrap things up on relationships this way……

Firstly there are two kinds of relationships. Interpersonal and intimate relationships.
Obviously we will be dealing with intimate relationships in this post.

What is really an intimate relationship? Off the top of my head I will say it’s a
relationship between 2 mature people who build bonds in view of reaching a set target. And mind you maturity here isn’t talking about age but development of ones thinking and the outlook one has on life.

If you are not ready for one, then you are not. Period. DO NOT be forced into one simply because you are trying to make a statement to someone or simply because you are tired of being teased by people over your lack of ‘a significant other’.

Ever seen someone go into a relationship and all of a sudden becomes someone you hardly recognize anymore? Seen a friend ever drift away from people simply because they are trying to please their ‘lover’?

The story of Lolade comes to mind.
A girl with a very decent upbringing who decided she was going to wait out till marriage and also wait for Mr. right and not just test the waters. She had made good on her promise up until she went to Abuja for her NYSC programme and was posted to a bank.

All alone for the first time she faced challenges like never before and didn’t have anyone to call on for help. Along the way she met Alex, who was a dashing businessman and also a valued customer of the branch she worked in. He took interest in her and after a little persuasion she went out with him and before long they were officially dating.

Lolade, a novice in the game, was easily swayed by material things and the ‘sugar coated words’ of Alex and soon started having butterflies in her stomach.

After her service was done, Alex told her it was fun while it lasted but that he didn’t see them going anywhere and the earlier they broke it off the better.

She cried all night as she thought she had gained not only material things from the man, but the man himself. At least something to show her mum as a ‘product’ of NYSC. But alas she had lost everything to this man. Her dreams, her most prized “female assets”, her VIRGINITY, EVERYTHING…

She had learned enough.

Next time she would be wiser.

BULES’ thought: I have seen love screw with the heads of people(male and female inclusive). I have seen the very essence and foundation of true relationships get entangled with physical and material things.

Lolade held out for as long as she could and its props to her but as soon as she let her guard down it became easy for other things to rub off on her and make her mix up her priorities.
The Question today is :
1 What do you base your relationship on?
2. How long do you study a potential partner before going in?
3. Do you set targets and timelines for your relationships?





21 responses to “The Real Deal II

  1. Really, peeps don’t fnk dat deep no more. If ur a Virgin dey ll say u av issues. If ur not, ur just a bad person.
    My point is, most relationships r nw based on d physical, if yall ain’t banging den somfngs wrong somewhere.
    But like u said, we need d rite bases for our relationships

  2. I personally believe all relationships should be based on understanding…… Every other thing wears out……… And No. No timeline or target for relationships…. It only adds pressure

  3. Very nice write up….i like.u shud start writin 4 bella naija u kno? Anyways to ans ur ques i think every relationship shud b based on trust n effective communication n ds can only b achieved if both parties tak time out to get to kno each oda n spend more time togeda.

  4. I don’t think that the success or failure of a relationship is essentially based on how long uve known d person for, altho in some cases it counts. What’s important IMO is that both partners want the same thing from d relationship. Good piece!

  5. Personally I don’t think the success or failure of a relationship is essentially based on how long uve know ur partner for altho it does count in some cases. What’s important IMO is that both partners want the same thing from the relationship which can be derived from effective communication and discernment.

  6. Its actually worrying that most relationships are built on Sex alone, whereas, your partner should also be one you could turn and talk to in your good and bad times. Nice article, though.

  7. Lovely post. But ppl rily dnt think dt much abt relationships anymore. How many do u even wanna think deeply abt and den d thinkin results in a relationship dt u ll stick out till the end and smetimes its nt rily planned also. Both cud jst be very good frds and den, emotions r flying and dere s a connection and both of u jst think u ve a shot @ sumthin good and u go for it. U both jst aim for d best ,smetimes u workin hard @ it n d guy is tryna pull u bak or d oda way round.dts y so many ppl r in so many relatnships b4 one finally works,others r jst in one or a few n dey ve got it good. For most gals,d target is marriage if d guy is nt ready or if he s nt considerin it dey r off to anor relatnship wit anor whom they think is ready or some of dem tak a bold step of gettin ready pregnant for d guy so as to leav him wit little or no choice but dts very risky.

    • I actually know that there are few people that do notthink about it. But shouldn’t they? That’s why I wrote this. Any other thing is a pure waste of time in my opinion.

  8. There is no blueprint for a good or proper relationship.. Its abt doing the best with what you have. Every situation is unique as long as u dont have to compromise the values u hold dear, any relationship can work as long as both parties put in the effort.

  9. I love the piece …beautiful, dint knw u had a blog ooo…true most relatnships are based on sex…relatnships r a gamble and there is no clear cut rule to it. We can only hope for the best when we get in. @ kitkat I CONCUR!!!

  10. I love the piece …beautiful. Ehen pls tell d drifters ooo, because dey r in a relatnshp we shud all die, mschew…true most relatnships are based on sex…what wif sex and money evrywher on d media. Let’s face it after sisqo’s thong song we knew it was coming

  11. “The Longer you hold out on sex in a r/ship, the more power you have” <—- This is for the ladies.

    Let's not all get mushy mushy and blame it all on sex, besides it takes two to tango (usually!).

    Thing is you should be mature enough to know what you want/hope to get from a r/ship and look if your partner is able to fulfill those needs. If not, you'll be hurt at the end of the day.

  12. My Take: OKay post. As for me, I won’t stay single because I’m yet to find the right guy ‘cos I’m not even looking for him. Being reasonable and sensitive to the feelings of others has brought me thus far- plus sincere and detailed communication. Your relationship is what you make of it. Sex is just as overhyped a noun as any other thing you can think of.

    1. My relationships are based on impulse.
    2. A moment.
    3. Yes, I set timelines but not targets and it’s never worked. They like to stay longer.

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