The Veil


This is a post someone sent to me to read and I just decided to share with people.

It’s an amazing piece and I hope someone leaves this place today with some lessons learned and a couple of tips.

Enjoy!

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question.

This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said, for I loved Jane so dearly.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and fell asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce.

She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain.

From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me, she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office, jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.– At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband….

Normally I would write something here and try to make sense of this story. But today I will leave you guys to just do the talking.

Cheers.

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McDREAMy II


Is This The Truth?

Is This The Truth?

Welcome people.

Last Time we had a story about a dream girl and many girls had their say on it and felt we were over-reaching and being unrealistic. If you missed it read it here https://bulejr.wordpress.com/2011/06/21/mcdreamy/

Its only fair that we have their own side of the story and allow them dream as well Right?

So I got my good friend @ukabah(who happened to be the most outspoken person on that post) to write the female response to McDREAMy.

Enjoy!!

So we all saw @bule_jr’s dream girl but as the name implies, she was only in his dreams.

My dream guy will be 6ft 4inches, well -built, not enough to scare people away but enough to look like Zeus; shirt-less.

He is handsome beyond words, with a sexy smile that starts with a little curve at the side of his mouth and slowly widens to display perfect teeth.

His laugh is magical and can make all my problems seem unimportant, his touch is gentle, his words always kind.

He speaks English, Espanol and Italian(ah bellisima!) fluently. He would have eyes that look into the soul, he would love, care and understand with all his heart.

He will always be there no matter what, he would give up the world for me, give his whole heart to me. He would know when I need him, just by looking at me, no need for words.

He would control my moods easily, when he kisses me, the world would cease to exist and only that moment would matter.

Ah! Could my eyes be deceiving me? He’s sitting right there in the corner at the restaurant. His hair slicked back so sexy, his suit looking like it was made on him, his hands smooth and nails well manicured.

His Italian shoes tapping gently to the music playing. This has to be him, he fits my description in every way, he is perfect! He had those eyes, the ones that just let me know he would be all I need and more.

Could he be waiting for someone?

Anger boiled inside me thinking about how a lady could keep a treasure like this waiting, if he were mine, I’d never let him out of my sight.

I watched patiently, thinking of what could possibly make good conversation between us, what excuse would I have to go over there?

Do I write a note and give to the waiter to take to him? Or do I go over and hope I don’t make a fool of myself.

Finally, I summon the courage and smooth down the skirt of my dress. Just as I get to my feet I see him; a much older man, coming straight for Mr Perfect’s table.

I relax…it’s not a girl after all, business meeting perhaps?

So perfect and hard-working…this is too good to be true. *sigh*

Still making my way over very slowly, I stop suddenly.

Why are they hugging tightly?

Why did the old man’s hands slightly run up Mr Perfect’s back?

And why when they sat down, were they still holding hands across the table?

And then it happened, the older one leaned across and kissed my Mr Perfect lightly on the lips.

Now it all made sense, what was I thinking?

So that’s that. I have to say thank you to the beautiful @ukabah for a very nice write up.

But again this is just a response for the guys to come and defend themselves after they felt battered last time around. đŸ˜€

Are the girls over-reaching as well?

Are there really perfect Guys out there?

Does anybody’s dream spouse come true?

Feel free to share your comments about the perfect guy and whether its right for them to dream or they should just manage anything that comes our way.

Cheers people.

Relationships = Jamb

Relationships = Jamb

McDREAMy


All my life, for as long as I can remember I have had this dream about the how the babe I wanted to marry will look like.

She had to be a maximum of 5’9″, she had to be light brown in complexion(I’m black enough already, so we won’t birth the anti christ).

I’m more of a legs guy(yeah I said it) so she must have hot legs to die for: well shaved and trimmed, no unnecessary darkened knees *cringe*

I’m more bobee over backside. Both MUST be in moderation though and not excess because if I see her whether I like it or not, its her outward appearance that sucks me in.

She had to be able to communicate well; have a good command of the english language and hold herself steady in a conversation.

She had to be comfortable in her own skin and not be jealous of finer looking girls or ‘better dressed girls’, I met you the way you were and I liked you just that way. đŸ˜€

She had to be have a fantastic sense of humor and be able to make me laugh from time to time. (For me this takes the cake all the time)

A girl that can fit in with my friends easily has completed 75% of the job for herself.

On that note I saw a babe whom I felt passed ‘roughly’ 97% of my checklist(the remaining 3% na down to error of parallax). Let’s call he ‘simbi’.

I had watched her for weeks in school, mid week services in fellowship and church on sundays. In wizkids voice ‘omo toh shan’ DIEE.

Thing is I’m a shy guy and it took me months to gather the momentum and courage to walk up to the girl of my dreams.

I walked up to her very slowly, counting my pace one at a time.

Suddenly I heard my mum’s voice, ‘femi, femi, oya we are late’. Huh?

I turned round and saw no one and kept working toward her.

Again ‘femi, femi’. I knew the voice was real but from where?

And my eyes opened up and there I was, NOT on my way to ‘greatness’ but on my bed, crashing and being awoken by my mum to take her to work. *sigh*

I like what I saw in simbi, she could have been the girl of my dreams but for now that’s all she is going to be………………………. ‘A DREAM’.

So, ladies and gentlemen, most of us have had images of the kind of spouse we will like to have right? NO? If you haven’t oya #slapyourself.

I fear we might never get them and just settle for what God sends our way, if not some people are joking around with lifetimes as bachelors and spinsters.

Question: Does the perfect girl exist?

Please use the comment box to share your views on whether my own view of a perfect girl is on point, feel free to add, subtract and multiply and divide :D.

Ladies don’t feel left out. Are we over-reaching? Should we lower our expectations? Please share your views with us as well. Thank you

Cheers everyone!

“The Concept Of Dating”


cute couple

cute couple

What is about dating that can be so hard at times. I mean c’man, a guy meets a girl or a girl meets a guy and after a couple of ‘hang outs’ they realise they have some chemistry and decide to go into a relationship. I mean in a nutshell this is what it is(or supposed to be) plus or minus a few things. Right? No?
What now makes it so complicated?

Why is it that it takes over your whole life and consumes you when its supposed to complement you and make you a better person?

Why does it make us act silly most of the time instead of helping to fine tune our lives?

So many questions, yet so few answers.

I am no expert and this isn’t entirely original but let’s discuss on certain rules that might/should/could/ help relationships.

1. Dating Rule #1: Don’t Lose Who You Are

Your first priority in a relationship – no matter what kind of a relationship you are in – is to be yourself. To do that, you’ll need to love yourself by ensuring you are ready to date before taking the plunge, as well as having a strong sense of self-worth and esteem.

2. Dating Rule #2: Ensure Every Date is Fun

Not only does trying to make your date happy make you feel good, but it is also one of the first signs of attraction. And studies have shown that when taking someone out on a date, the primary way your date will be determined a success of is how much fun was had. Err? Ok

3. Dating Rule #3: Communicate Well and Clearly

It is impossible to have a healthy relationship without strong communication. In essence, communication is the bridge that forms between partners, helping them create a sacred space in the middle ground where they meet in order to foster love and intimacy. Without clear communication, two people who seem like they are connected romantically to outsiders truly aren’t; instead they just going through the motions, lacking the intimacy they require to move forward, together.

4. Dating Rule #4: Be a Strong Negotiator

When communication alone isn’t enough to weather a relationship through stormy times, negotiation skills come into play. In order to work through the issues that arise in these kinds of circumstances, both partners must be able and willing to negotiate. When done with respect and awareness, negotiation can be the key to unlock a shared bright future.

5. Dating Rule #5: Nurture Your Relationship

All dating relationships require tender loving care in order to thrive. Daily appreciation, respect, attentiveness, reciprocity and kindness all work towards showing your partner that you cherish them and value their contribution to your life.

6. Dating Rule #6: Touch

Now every person in a relationship needs to have that physical connection and needs to ‘feel’ loved and cared for. A cuddle while watching a movie or Afmag, holding hands on the beach, or plain stroking of the hair. Might seem small but trust me it goes a long way, especially for them ladies. đŸ˜€ trust me there is a place for physical touch.

7. Dating Rule #7: Space

Its hard for many couples to understand that not every trouble faced or fight must be sorted out by talking about it immediately. Especially for girls, many times a guy just wants to be alone and clear his thoughts. If and when he does that he will call/text you. And by the way this counts also not only when you fight but when he just wants to hang with the guys. Give him that room to just be free without nagging or wanting to tag along. He will miss you soon enough and come crawling back.

8. Dating Rule #8: Trust

Even I don’t know what to write about this but just know it has to be there some how. No and I repeat *shouting* NO relationship will work without trust. You have to let go and let GOD if not there’s no point being in it.

After writing this and looking through them myself, I have but one conclusion: THERE
ARE NO FREAKING RULES AS TO HOW TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP LAST LONGER PERIOD
.
Who says if you do all these it will last?
Who says not doing any won’t make it last?
I could have written more but said I should leave them out for you all to share in the comment box.
And also please share anything that has helped you in times past; your words of wisdom could save a relationship today. *winks*

P.S coming from the writer of the ‘DIET’ err #6 might not be the way for everybody. #okbye

Cheers.

dating Tips?

dating Tips?

Friends & family


Hey so i was wondering.
Who’s family?
Who are friends?

No we are not talking about the ‘family & friends’ scam from networks like MTN.
We are talking about actual people.

To be honest, a very thin line exists between family and friends. the key is who is actual family and who is a real friend.

I didn’t write this but a friend did and he has decided to remain anonymous.
I will call him the “Ghost Writer” from here on.
I give you family and friends. Enjoy.

The concepts of “friend” and “family” are concepts which have confused me greatly, and have effectively done so since I was about 13 or 14 I’m closer to 30 than I am to 21 now! (yes, those who are close to me will tell you I’ve long had a roving, abstract mind) but its not the definitions of these words that have had me scratching my head for so long, oh noooooo, its more the application to everyday life that’s got me looking for the real me in one of those house of mirrors thingies.

Now if we’re meant to go by the definition of “friend” in the Oxford learners’ advanced-“one who we know and like but is NOT OF THE FAMILY”– then that guy/girl who has always been there for us, picked us up when we were down, shared everything with us, never questioned us even when he/she knew we were lying, had our backs when stones were being flung at us, BUT was not birthed by our mother or does not fall under those ‘conventional’ links that link you to the proper definition of the word ‘family’, can only be a friend. This, suo moto, is acceptable.

Then we have the word ‘family’, defined by the same source to include the “parents, children and their close relatives” and if we’re to go by this definition, then you may begin to see where my confusion takes route from. What I understand here is that the brother who stabbed and killed me, the father who raped my sister, the mother who abandoned me, the uncle who robbed me of my inheritance, the aunty who prostituted my sister, the cousin who raped my wife, the brother who slept with my wife…….is my family……this also is acceptable? HELL to the freaking NOOOOO.

What my rather slow brain is finding it rather difficult to process (and yes my brain is still trying to process this after about 14-15years) is that friend who did everything my ‘family’ was meant to do and even does everything that my brother does, is not family for the simple reason that he does not fall under that category that we have all come to know and subconsciously accept. In the same vein, my brain is also still trying to process the belief that these members of my family who have done these awful things to me and to other members of my family are placed as family over and above those who have played ‘the family’ in my life simply because of that belief and that awfully inadequate definition, in my opinion and its exceedingly laughable.:D

I mean I know of people who took in total, complete strangers into their families and they lived with them ate their food, they were bought clothes, fees were paid, and for anyone to tell me that, stricto sensu, such people can only go as far as friends of the family can only offend the senses of anyone with a mind such as mine.

I mean why refer to a friend as such when the only difference, in function, between him and your brother is that last name? Some might say I’m taking this a bit too seriously as they are just definitions but “I ask you to think of that situation where u’ll have to pick between one and/or the other individual and u’ll realise it goes far beyond dictionary definition”. If u ever get to that stage where u need to pick and you pick, without thinking, that “friend” over your “brother” then why would u still refer to that person as a friend? I mean you can cleanly and, without conscience, cut off a friend for say sleeping with your wife but a la Ryan Giggs, u’d say?!? *sigh*

Another question has often crossed my mind, at what point do you cut off family? If there is such a point, the saying blood is thicker than water comes to mind, family bonds blah zay……but I think all these muddle ups and confusions are based on what u think, I think you define who family is to you, I have “family” I have not spoken to in well over two years, but I have “friends” that I simply cannot go 3days without talking to and checking up on. I have “family” that I need to remember that passage in the bible (there is nothing special in loving a friend, love those who hate u Matt 5:46) in order to help and there’s friends that I’d die for without giving it a 1st thought, let’s talk less for a second……but look through this entire write up……I’ve fallen prey to the very confinement I complain about haven’t I?……..*sigh*

These are just the inner workings of a forever roving mind, feel free to disregard them everyone.

So thats about that. Thanks to the “Ghost Writer”. I don’t even know what to make of this because i too have similar issues regarding family and friends.. please use the comment box to share your opinion and lets see if we can try and at least get to the roots of this rather delicate issue.
Cheers

Lets Just Be friends.


Ever had a Girl tell you those four words? Err…..No i’m not talking about “Femi, I Love You”. yes that has actually been said but that is not why we are here. I Am talking about  “Let’s Just Be Friends.”

Most times it goes thus.

You meet a girl and initially its genuinely platonic and you talk every now and then and have the occasional hangout.

Just normal as per guys no wan fall hand.

But with time you realise that you talk everyday and subconsciously you are always planning how to see her often and arrange ‘P’.

At this time, you are still in denial that she is just a friend. When quizzed by your friends you claim that there is nothing more to it, but anytime you see her there is just that awry smile on your face, yeah you are not in love but you are smitten by her.(bless your soul)

Then you realise whats going on but most times its always too late as you are in way too deep and you now decide to make the ‘P’ official.

Thing is many babes dun open eye now and  if you are not upfront and direct from the off they just think you are a shareful(no pun intended) giver and just tag along for the free rides. And really i can’t blame them. Or can you?

Its unofficially written, Guys are allowed to be h*es and girls are allowed to milk guys. As long as no physical interaction a girl wont see anything wrong and just carry on.

Before any girl kills me, boys are also guilty of this and after getting down with a girl a couple of times and whether for insecurity issues or for clarification purpose she asks “what are we doing”?. The guy says i thought we were just having fun and i’m not ready for anything serious. This happened to a close family member so yeah its no hypothesis.

Anyway, these four words can also be a positive depending on how one chooses to view his glass.

It saves from expending resources, emotions and time and always means you can come back later on and try again. Right? NO? in fact i am lost myself.

Why is it so hard to hang out with someone new for a while without just beginning to develop feelings for the person.

Why is remaining friends with someone cool just down right hard?

Why do we often like people that most times we just cannot get into a relationship with?

Why do cool people at times fall out of our reach?

Why does being friends have the be our only option?

At times we want more than that.

But thats just the pride in us talking.

In the end it might be whats best for us and we know it.

But we cant shake off the “what if”?

*sigh*

WE might not like it but we accept: “Lets Just be friends.”

Why? Parents Why?


The good times

First time in months i wake up to a Saturday without a wedding, party, house chores or any “necessary paroles”and thought to myself  that i was gonna rest and use the day to recharge batteries after weeks of endless work(i am unemployed by the way) but you get my drift…

Alas! No wedding and party and paroles also applied to my parents too and there i was, stuck home with my parents for an entire Saturday(Now i miss the EPL, La Liga, and to patronize my country Africa Magic *cringe*)…

7.42a.m I see the PING!!!! on my phone and yes its my mum who says “what are your runs today like?” I say “i want to chill and rest at home” and she says”  ose omo mi, i need you to go to surulere, and then goes on and on to give me a number of errands….O_o

My mum starts with a tonne of Yoruba prayers: wa ri omo toju re, wa bi ibeji ma wa ba e to won dagba, wa dagba dada wa de ri ise ti olorun fe fun e(for translation find a local yoruba lady :D) before she goes on to ask you and i can’t just say NO. i actually find it funny now that i write about it.

There are times we all just want to be alone and just have the smell of our rooms and our thoughts to ourselves but in my house this one is NOT possible. My folks must just have an errand to send you on, dont get me wrong i LOOOOVE my folks but at times its just not ideal..

But why are many Nigerian parents like this?

I know in Nigeria we are brought up to respect not just parents but adults in general, but sometimes doesnt it just go too far? Why is it hard for “many” Nigerian parents to just give children space and not always feel the need to encroach all the time.

The minute we just speak out and ask for a little break, you get that “talk” about being very ungrateful and only do stuff for them when you need something? you don’t get it?? Errr ok……. sure you don’t? *sigh* Never mind. Maybe its just me.

A couple of weeks ago, i was out with my friends and we spent 3hours talking about our parents and i noticed from them that nigerian parents feel a need to be in control and monitoring all your movements despite the fact we are in our very own rights adults.

Try Dialogging at times and you are said to be rude as we don’t talk back to parents.

How are we to share our views if we cant talk with them?

How are we to go on telling them “stuff” when they listen but still feel their way is the right one?

I can go on and on but #pause.

I am sure our parents always thought they were going to be the dream parents, and i am certain many of us have said things like this “i wont be like my dad/mum, i am going to be a happening dad/mum and my kids will like me” but i am certain that till you get your own kids you just never quite know how it’s going to turn out, right?

My last Post was rather long so i will stop here and allow y’all to give tales (good&bad) about how you fare with your own parents.

P.S this is not a rant. đŸ˜€

Cheers.

*sigh*