The Way You Are

I have had a very very short time on earth and in that little period I have seen so many people underrate themselves, under-value themselves and some just plainly look at themselves and see absolutely nothing worthy. To me, this is simply a recipe for disaster.

Human beings will seek to get as much as they can from such people, be it physical or material as long as they are sure that you don’t know your worth and are simply looking for people to approve of you.

Well today, true to my style and theme I write this to all insecure girls out there and hope this helps you.

I can’t speak for everyone out there but for myself I would say, I’m a decent guy(at least many babes have told me so) :p and I will like to believe that there are a number of decent guys out there.

I tend to always want to look out for the best in people. Half the time I ignore their faults and although it comes back to haunt me a lot I always feel I have done my teeny weeny bit in helping the person.

And if I tell a girl I like her, tharizzit for me. But I’ve come to learn that many girls will rather block someone out because of insecurity issues and other related woman palaver but how I wish that for that moment in time they will just trust that we are not all out to ‘use and dump’ you.

This is my Motto:
If I meet a girl and she thinks she is ugly, not my fault, I like you just the way you are.

If I tell you I like your feet and you tell me you think you have ‘yams’, I like you just the way you are.

You hide a part of you when we are in deep conversations, well I would like you to give me more but still I like you just that way.

I tell you that you have a wonderful shape and all you see is a fat blurb, well I like you just the way you are.

I tell you that you have nice eyes, you say you need contact lenses, I like you just that way.

I tell you that you have a great sense of humor but you keep hiding that part of you because your ‘ex’ didn’t like you, I still like you that way.

I tell you that you dress well but you like going out mostly at night so that people won’t scrutinize you that much, well I like you that way.

Believe me just this once and let us together come out of this dark alley you find yourself in.

All I’m saying is, not all guys want a perfect girl and a girl that is ‘all that’. All we want is someone who is comfortable in their own skin and who is ready to learn and improve herself. #shikena

But you see, even as a decent guy there is a limit to which I can ignore your insecurities and not allow it affect me.

Another ‘decent’ guy might not be so patient and quickly move on to the next P and leave you in a worse condition.

Other guys will happily do ‘chop & clean mouth’. (God dey)

You need to start to see a better you before anyone else will see a better you.

You need to build your confidence and not depend on your mood or state of mind to know whether to smile or not.

There is someone out there that will fall absolutely and madly in love with you ‘THE WAY YOU ARE’ but you have to be ready and allow them love you. If not, they will get away.

Now you might ask how does someone go from being insecure to being a confident person.

*inserts beyonce’s Who Run The World*
I might not like her but in ‘your own world’ you have to first believe that you run it. You are in charge of your life and only you can determine what goes on in there.

You have to have a great structure support i.e. Family and friends. Refer to my post on this topic so that you understand who and what friends and family really are and the role they are to play.

For me, you have to have a personal and wonderful relationship with GOD. There are things that only He can understand and will definitely just calm your nerves and give you an unexplainable warmth in your heart. Don’t believe me, Try it today?

Ask yourself this question: when you wake up in the morning and look at the mirror what do you see?

So, again I have come with all my crazy and funny stuff I know, I wrote this 1month ago but it didn’t feel right to post it then.

Insecurity has robbed people of discovering themselves. Now all we see is people bending themselves to fit the ‘spec’ of the person they are with at any particular time. This is so not right! Or is it?

What’s your take on the whole issue?

How can you and I be of help to people that are insecure?

How can we make relationshiposphere a better place?

As usual share your opinions in the comment box.

P.S. For the first time I wrote on someone else’s blog and tried my hands on humour. Check it out at , its titled Must Read. Lemme know what you think. Thanks.


23 responses to “The Way You Are

  1. Great piece once again, but I think the problem most people are faced with is finding the balance between improving yourself and not loosing yourself in the process. You should write on that soon.

  2. This guy, you surely are living up to your reputation as the Love Doctor oh! Issorai! I totally agree with this post and seriously regret how most girls can’t trust decent guys (I’m one too) because of the others. All in all, nice topic. So what made it ripe for posting now, ehn?

  3. Wow this is cool….first thn that came to my mind was darey’s the way u are……

    Uve said it all…mayb not all tho…but insecurity d reason all my EX broke up wv me….they cudnt stand d heat… aint my fault!

  4. Insecurities … Ofcourse i get plenty insecurity I get gateman, police escort, halsatian dog (which we dey use do peppersoup every christmas) even opc sef I get am …. Nice post (y)

  5. Bruno Mars’ Just The Way You Are should be the theme song for this post. I agree with you for the most part. I do have to say though that the difficult part of dealing with people with insecurity issues is the thin line between condoning their self deprecation and telling them what’s wrong with them, and on the flip side, complimenting them and flattering them (aka #washing).
    Really good piece mehn.

  6. 1st @gbengene need help! LOL!!! Hmmnnn…well av seen guys comment. D truth is in as much as babes dnt wanna b insecure, it doesn’t help dat guys keep comparing girls wif d sophie vergarros and eva mendes’ of d world. Still my advice would be…if u think dat loosing weight will make u feel good about urself? Den pls by all means do so…but dnt do it cuz of some guy. Cuz if he leaves, OBESITY would engulf ur being #dassall…as alwaiz beautiful piece Femi

  7. Here’s my take.
    1st, men have insecurities too. It’s not an exclusive enclave of the women.
    2ndly, I think for example that every ugly/deformed person knows it deep inside of them and will definitely wonder why you like them so much cos if they were in your shoes they wouldn’t like themselves. So here’s what I do.
    Say I meet a girl with a big nose and I wanna get fresh, I always tell her albeit jokingly but @ least they know I am honest and willing to look past that.
    So I’d rather say stuff like “Your nose is so BIG but I love it just the way it is. Just promise not to finish all the oxygen in the room.” I’ll even give her a nickname like Nosa or somn. I don’t just ignore, I tell them and then show love. Insecurities disappear a lot faster that way.
    The truth is ugly. There’s no need to pretend it isn’t.
    *by the way, you this guy, how many girlfriends do you have?* o_O

    • Your first point, there’s a post about male insecurities coming out soon. You are a spoiler.
      Then what’s ur own with how many gf’s I have ey?
      Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.

  8. “For me, you have to have a personal and wonderful relationship with GOD. There are things that only He can understand and will definitely just calm your nerves and give you an unexplainable warmth in your heart. Don’t believe me, Try it today?”…

    Cest fini. Next post please…

  9. Femi, good piece – it’s a massive cheesefest though. You addressed the issue of insecurity in quite a trivial manner making it seem less of a sensitive problem though. I say this because you can’t imagine how astounding an issue this is. Insecurities which develop in for example those scenarios you described above have as you can imagine several root causes. A lot of people might have been repeatedly put down, crushed and walked all over by family and friends (supposed internal/backup system for whatever reason) then majority of the rest I know of are caused by inferiority complex.

    Obviously, a relationship is based on trust and an acknowledgement and willingness to work through one’s imperfections especially those that are causing friction in the relationship.

    The way I see it is this; the world would tell you who you are until you tell them. Sounds very clichéd but carries a lot of truth in it.

  10. Real nice Femi. Ladies be confident in your beauty and in yourself,don’t let some guy make you feel bad about youself

  11. I love the sense of maturity with which this post was written. A lot of times, we girls look to our boyfriends/romantic relationships, friends and a whole lot of other things to define ourselves…even losing sight of who we really are.
    I didn’t know I had this issue till I was having a talk with my boyfriend one day and it hit me. I had always wrapped my life around a relationship and I really had a hard time knowing clearly who I was.
    I am working on it now-learning to love and appreciate myself for me! Thanks for your post!!

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