Who Is The Victim?


Frustration

No need for any introductions, @Terdoh has my entire blog to himself today, Enjoy people.

Four score and two decibels ago, my parents used to beat me. It was love at first crack (of the whip). They could beat me for not farting, beat me for farting, beat me for waking up too early, beat me for sleeping late, beat me for eating too much, beat me for wasting food, beat me because they hadn’t beaten me that day, and beat me because they just did.

And I took it. Like a tiv man should.

But in this age, we are encouraged not to ‘beat your kids’, encouraged not to use violent methods or techniques, encouraged to talk to them, encouraged to spare the horse whip and use the tongue tip. We are encouraged to spoil our kids and that is what we do. That is what I DID.

It is my undoing. If I didn’t heed the ‘encouragement’, I wouldn’t be sitting in this cell. Here’s how it started:

In the beginning, God made the heavens and the earth. But you guys already know that, so let’s skip to a more recent time.

I got married 20 years ago. Long time isn’t it?! It was lovely. It was love at first sight when I saw her afro swaying in the haze of the club light and I knew that I wanted her. And after spitting all the game I had accumulated from FIFA Sports over the years, I finally got her to do the windeck and plank with me. Best night of my life. Jamie Foxx wouldn’t understand!

Then she got pregnant. I didn’t mind. I got to keep this goddess of beauty and frankly, I considered myself lucky! We got married a couple of months after, and then she had my baby.
And died during childbirth.

Too bad the little ‘angel’ didn’t go with her. I was devastated, but I decided that my crown jewel would find both a father and a mother in me. So I brought her up myself, and I pampered her silly! I would never let anyone or anything hurt her. I recall fighting with numerous teachers on her behalf and she could always run to me for support. I was her refuge, her knight, her best friend, her dad.

I should never have forgotten that. I was her dad. I should never have let it get to that point. “What point” you ask? Lemme explain. She grew up to look just like her mother. (Don’t they all?) And one day, this happened;

She wanted to go on tour with her ‘celebrity’ boyfriend. And for someone who particularly loves that annoying song with the words “dull” and “don’t”, I wasn’t going to allow her run loose without my watchful eyes on her. I wasn’t being overprotective, I was being a father. So, of course, I said no.
Then she slapped me.

At that moment, when I looked at her face, I saw my wife. I just stared, dumbstruck at her, and I couldn’t lift a finger to do anything. She went on the tour without my permission, but that was only the beginning of my problems. After that incident, it became a daily routine. Wake up in the morning, bath, brush, dress up, eat food that I cooked, ask me for something expensive, and if I decline or deny her, slap me.

It got to a start one day when she said she wanted to change her Peruvian hair to Brazilian in the space of two weeks.

Her: Femi, I want to change my hair. (Yes, we were on a first name basis. BFFs and tins.)
Me: But you changed it last week, and it cost me two fortunes and one antique painting. I don’t even see what the difference is.
Her: This is Peruvian and I don’t like it. I want a new one. And I don’t expect you to fuck me up like you’re used to doing.
Me: The answer, honey, is no! I could buy you a hair pin that says “Brazilian Hair” if that will make any difference. But as far as getting Brazilian hair for you is concerned, you are On Your Own like a house in Ibadan.

And this is when she slapped me…for the last time.

I have never been so angry before. I pushed over the kitchen table, and started beating her to a pulp! How could she dare?! Lay one more finger on me again? I think not! I grabbed a kitchen knife and cut them all off! But why stop there? I cut off her limbs and gave her a nice H&M short sleeve look to sport. Then that head…that head that just had to have Brazilian hair. That head had to go!
By the time I was done, she looked like she was fresh out a thriller video. Then the gravity of what just happened hit me

Now I’m in this cell wondering if I could have continued to bear what was actually my fault and avoided this.

But pause to ask yourself, who is the real victim here?

This story is purely fictional, Maybe? At least in this part of the world it’s really not that prominent, but i have seen children disrespect and show total disregard for their folks by the use of words which i have to say can at times be worse than any physical abuse or at least a decent substitute.

What Could have been done differently?

If you were FEMI, what steps would you have taken to avoid this or what do you do now?

what role does our Up-bringing play on who we become later on?

Have you witnessed an abusive relationship before? How did it affect you?

What did you do to overcome the trauma?

Do share an opinion.(‘Firsts’ and ‘Nice Posts’ are only acceptable as long as you come back to say something.)

Cheers People.

Its Date Days Baby

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38 responses to “Who Is The Victim?

  1. Oh dear…from the 1st slap…she should have been sent out! Ha!
    Well tbh…when one faces a harsh upbringing the tendency to want to do a 180 for your own kids is very high so spoiling them is very easy.
    However one just needs to apply wisdom. Spoiling a child rotten can’t be good and would only lead to such frustrations.
    From that 1st slap sha…she should have gotten a firm reminder of who her father is…I don’t know how but…
    Men…Wisdom is profitable to direct shikena

  2. Wow…so Terdoh has a “sane” aspect to his mind…impressive.
    In my short teaching career, I’ve met kids who have a monumental lack of respect, never however, have I seen any that would dare lay a finger on either of their parents.
    If I was Femi (no pun intended) n she did it the first time, the beating that would follow it ehn, omo na “Baba mi” she go begin call me henceforth.
    I don’t exactly believe caning is the most effective form of discipline, kids are different from one another, but it is good to have that option.

  3. There’s something called “tough love”. Its sad that a lot of people don’t have the heart for it, that lack of strength can be damaging.

  4. I hate beating, but it’s necessary for nigerian kids. They rarely listen until you show them instant consequences. That also doesn’t mean that you’ll turn into Spartacus on your child. There are limits to everything.

  5. All these insane bloggers trying to seek closure and put a human,sane face to themselves..ok o!
    All I’ll say is a leopard cannot change its spots except eczema join!
    As fr the post…I don’t blame femi, he loved his girl. I blame her teachers in school (assuming she went to school)
    Femi shoulda arranged with them to do his dirty work, beat sense into her when she strays..that way, he’ll stil be d good guy!
    That said though, I won’t physically touch my kids but they must enjoy the thrill of picking pins and the threat of pepper!
    😀
    lovely one bruv!

  6. Mehnnn. I wud beat my child oooo, jst for d fun of it sef if possible. Child slap me? Walahi, dt nyt she wud know d diff btwn khaki nd leather! Hian! Its sad tho dt dse days’parents neglect d rod,wn its d only way 4ward in (my opinion sha).:D

  7. If u pamper your kids, dem go tamper with your life. No pamper your kids cos dem go tamper with your life. If your child fuck up, slap am, brush am, blow am, nak am, kick am, discombobulate am. Make im faint cos if he faint im go dey respect you.
    This is a rhyme from my second single: yes, I’m the best rapper in the world.

  8. Lemme go with the Bible on this one. Don’t worry, Terdoh started it and I only intend to stick to the book of Proverbs. The wise writer of that book kept speaking of the things his father and mother sat him down to say to him. Beating is not enough. You have to sit the child down from time to time and TALK to him/her, not talk at them all the time.
    That being said, we are also told that “Beatings are reserved for the backs of fools”. And also that “Foolishness is found in the heart of a child but the rod of correction shall drive it out.” And finally, “Discipline your child with the rod, he shall not die.”
    Phew. That felt good.

  9. Infact ehn, from dat 1st slap…whether she looks like her mother or not, she wouldn’t have been able 2 sit down 4 a week…mschew
    But come o uncle on ur own like a house in Ibadan LOL!!! Cracks me up men…
    Serzly speaking, I dnt bliv u shud beat kids all d time. There must alwaiz b a balance, like d bible says theriz time 4 evrythng…a time 2 die, a time 2 b born…consequently, theriz time 2 b flogged and theriz time 2 b talked 2…and d day u dnt heed d talk, we will do sangalo on ya bottom.FULLSTOP!

  10. I am still an advocate for beating kids shortly after u give them a lecture on why they are getting spanked..instill some discipline and get them to know what u expect of them..without values..we know what happens.
    The man in this case,very much a victim and guilty too..deserves what he got for poor child upbringing..he must have had low Morals himself..as for that silly child..maybe death is hardly ever the best way out.

  11. Well He is the cause of his own problem (she’s his daughter),he shud have set the limit a long time ago. She wud have done some things before the slap that he shud have corrected her abt, u don’t wait until the child becomes rigid and hopeless before correcting her. I really don’t believe in beating children(unless the need arises), I say “train ur child in the way of the Lord and when they grow,they shall not depart from it”

  12. “But why stop there? I cut off her limbs and gave her a nice H&M short sleeve look to sport.” ◀—- BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! … Soomething irked me about this post tho. Femi and his wife windecked 20 years ago. O_O … How old Cabo Snoop collectively come be?

  13. *shivers from cold breeze* Oh, what rage! And to think I just tweeted a few days ago that I would almost never raise a hand to beat my child. That said, the child that slaps me ehn….. And as for Mr Ted Dega’s apparent sanity, I’m not surprised at all. We’re all relatively sane.

  14. Ok 1st of all that killing was bloody, imagining it actually made me cringe …. But at the end of the day, that child should have been dealt with from day 1, and given serious “Tounge Lashing” which is the most potent tool parents have at their disposal #IMO…… And yeah, I don’t know who Terdoh is but ur testimony 4rm pple na wa, u surprised pple on dis one oo lol!! Nice post (y)

  15. I agree with iamsamsie.Your parents flogging you is not really an excuse to spoil your child. I’ve seen children dripping maggots, literally,(ok, maybe not literally) because of this. If some of us were not disciplined that way, heaven only knows what we would have turned out to be. so i say: spare the rod, spoil the child. I don’t think the man’s the victim, i think the child was.

    PS: @Terdoh: even though i like your brand of crazy, this is lovely. i like.

  16. Lol, this was funny. I still think Terdoh doesn’t have a sane side.

    I’m an expert at disciplining children. The only thing worse than a spoilt kid is a fat kid, and you have to beat that one into shape.

  17. sad story but d gehl was d victim ere. The over-pampered her which is typical for men but if only she had a Mother around dat wouldnt take things lightly with her, things might av bn different. He clearly spared d rod nd spoilt d child.
    Now, abusive relationships r just time bombs waiting to explode abeg, shey na until d baba kill u b4 u comot him side ni?

  18. As far as am concerned, there is no victim or victor here. “Femi” in this case cause all the problems he had with hid daughter for himself in that he went to extrems by giving his daughter cause to disrespect and disregard him.
    Yea, its not wrong to pamper or over pamper a child; we should laern to be firm when we realize the child is begining to take us forgranted!
    Of a truth, we are affected by out upbringing to a large extent cause that the time our personalty is being moulded to what ever we become as grown ups.
    Femi knew when he should have drawn a line to call his daughter to order before she became untamable; but he didn’t under the guise of her being just like her mother!!!
    Now the deed is done and things are beyond repairs.
    There’s a Yoruba proverb which says “ti idi ba ti baje, ti oni idi la da” meaning “every man will bear the consiquences of his/her actions”.
    I have several experience growning up.
    As the first child of my parents, even though I was gentle & quiet, I was beaten a lot of times for my siblings wrong doing. Then when my dad returned from work, I’ll disapear to my room never to resurface except I was called cuase I dint want to get beaten for an offence I knew noting about.
    It was so bad I asked my parents on day if they were my real parents!

    This and more shaped me to be a beter person and to be tolerant.
    Finanly, I think Femi should start praying hard for God to intervain and deliever him cuase I know there are other ways he could have repremanded his daughter than to turn himself to a butcher. There are a lot of things he could have done to stand his ground, purnish her severly and call her to order.

  19. I’m not an advocate of the Rod.. My Mother never whipped,flooged or gave me an ass whooping.. I still grew up to respect her.. The look on her face and the sting in her voice was enough.. And then ofcourse the threats which I knew were empty but was still very very terrified of… “If I deal with you ehn.. You’ll wonder; is this woman really my mother??” Haha.. That still scares me.. A lil..

    Femi is a wuss …and I think his parents beat the ‘Nigerian Element’ of child discipline outta him… Poor thing!

  20. Good blog! I really love how it is simple on my eyes and the data are well written. I am wondering how I could be notified when a new post has been made. I have subscribed to your RSS which must do the trick! Have a nice day! “Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.” by Lois McMaster Bujold.

  21. Pingback: The Origin of AIDS | Terdoh's Blog

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