Perfect First Date


@bule_jr: we have seen what both sexes think about before going on a first date.
Today we are going to look at what makes a ‘perfect first date’ from a guy’s point of view. Enjoy.

@thetoolsman

So you finally got her to say yes to going on a date with you but the realization does not hit you till the night before. This is the girl of your dreams, the one you’ve been waiting for and you finally get a shot, it’s time to pull out all the stops to make sure she has the best(est) first date ever. Only problem is, you have no idea how to go about that.
 
Well if you think I’m here to teach you how to do that, guess again. If you take a second to think about that statement ‘the perfect first date’ you’ll understand just how subjective it is. Surely you won’t expect a model who is almost always on a diet and a food enthusiast who loves experimenting to share the same preferences when it comes to a first date meal?
 
Having said that, what I’ll be sharing with you is my idea of a perfect first date but before I get into that, I’d like to clearly spell out my thoughts on the objectives of a first date.
 
1.     Killer first impression: Yes you have all the resources at your disposal. Yes, she’s actually a princess but that doesn’t mean you’ll take her to the moon on the first date. The idea here is to have a killer first impression but one that can be topped. Remember there’s still the possibility of a second, third and subsequent dates. So even though you’re a French trained chef, don’t offer to cook for her on the first date. Keep it simple but not stupid.

2.  Talk. Talk. Talk: Yes you might have known her all your life but once you use the word ‘date’ with her name in a sentence, everything changes. Also, you might have been talking through phones for a while but being that close to her physically for the first time, she needs to know she can be comfortable enough to talk to you in person as much as she can over a computer or a phone.

3.   X (where X = invitation into her apartment, a kiss, and maybe, SCORE): X is a bonus. You shouldn’t expect it or demand it. As a matter of fact, except things just spiral out of control, try to make sure you avoid this happening on a first date.
 
Ok, I needed to put that out there so you’ll understand this piece better.
Here goes…
 
Before.

For me, this period begins a few days before the actual date. Actually, from the moment I ask her out on the date, I factor in this period. If she’s someone I’ve known for a while and I know the kinds of things she’s into, I can always spring the date up on her – ‘can we do tomorrow?’ But if she’s someone I hardly know anything about, I might want to give myself a few days to try to dig up some info. What does she like in terms of food, activities blah blah blah.
 
The venue is key. Remember my objectives??? I want to keep it simple but not stupid so I’m looking for a simple restaurant, bistro or café that serves the kind of stuff she likes to eat. (I’m not about to take her to a Mexican restaurant on a first date except I’m very sure we’re both into that). Now, that’s just one option. Some may wonder, why not the clichéd movie date? Well, if I’m doing the movie date then we have to start off with maybe a short meet up at a café for some sweets – confectionaries, ice-cream e.t.c… The idea here is to get a chance to talk to her. If you just meet up right before a movie and part ways after, it’s almost very certain there’ll be little or no talking (except you want to yell out her ears during your movie).
 
So, I’ve chosen a small restaurant, nice ambiance with a decent menu. If it’s not a place I’ve been to before, I always try to go there before hand (don’t just take suggestions from friends). I try to get to know the menu and even the waiters. A healthy tip will get one of them to even remember your name. Remember, this is the girl of your dreams we’re talking about. The date is finally planned out. I pick her up, we go to dinner and then drop her off – simple.
 
During.

I’m casually dressed but looking smart still. If we’re meeting up after work, I lose the tie but keep my jacket on. If it’s not a workday, then I can play a little bit more with my outfit. No matter how I dress, one thing is key: Accessories!!!. Women never miss details. Unique cufflinks, that Rolex I only wear on special occasions, belt buckle, shoelaces, socks, perfume and wallet. Yup, if you have one of those sport wallets or a leather one that’s falling apart, you might want to consider changing it before your date.
 
I pick her up in my freshly cleaned car and on the ride to the restaurant, I engage her in as much conversation as possible. I’m no clown but a little humour here and there won’t be bad, just to lighten the mood. We get to the venue and I hold open the door to the building for her (Note: not the car, don’t choke her with chivalry). We walk in and the waiter friend I tipped the other day spots us:
 
“Good evening Mr. Adetula”
“Oh how are you Joseph, can you please find us a table?”
 
Now you’re getting me? We sit and she’s presented with the menu. I allow her look it over for a while before I suggest ordering for her. Of course I don’t look at the menu while I dish it out to Joseph, I’m a regular here…
☺.
 
What follows is the most important part of a first date for me. The conversations before, during and after the meal arrive. That’s where you score your points because she gets a chance to really look you over while you’re talking. She notices the watch as you gesticulate. She takes in more of your perfume… e.t.c. When our meal arrives, I make sure I explain what she’s about to eat while also talking about mine because at some point, I’ll let her try out what I’m having. Remember my objectives again.
 
After the meal comes desert. Ice cream almost never goes wrong. It’s always good to pick a venue where they have good meals as well as good deserts so you don’t have to move around much. Ice cream allows you to loosen us and even be a little playful (Ice-cream mustache anyone?)
 
After

We leave the restaurant and head home. At this point, I’ve achieved 98% of what I have set out to do. It would take some colossal fuckery to get things screwed up now. And as for the third objective, well, like I said, don’t expect it or demand it. It’s only the first date.
 
I pull the car to a stop outside her compound and I unlock the doors (First date should never end in the car). We both get out and I tell her how much fun I had while making sure I’m not lingering (I don’t want to come across as if I’m waiting for something). I say my goodbyes and go in for a casual hug. Nothing major. Be sure to smile after and then you can leave.
 
Mission Accomplished.
********************************
Is there anything like a perfect date in the first place? Yes? No?

To each his own I guess.

But let’s start talking today.

I have specific instructions for both sexes! Please Adhere to them as much as you can.

Guys: what is your own idea of a perfect first date?
Create your own scenario and describe to us what a perfect first date feels like to you.

Ladies: Do think about this and let us know what we get wrong. DO NOT share your own thoughts on what a perfect first date is…..just yet. You’ll do that tomorrow. Just criticise this and let us know where we guys can improve.

Do share an opinion with us using the comment box.

And see you tomorrow when @Ms_Dania responds to this.

Cheers

Day 3

Day 3

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62 responses to “Perfect First Date

  1. All in all, rem dat we r in naija and as much as u ll love to fnk ideally. The “naija” factor still has to b considered as in hold-up, work itself, distance nd most of all d “bar”. My point; perfect date ke, I really doubt dat but dis post is a good yardstick sha.
    Nice 1 nd yea “typos” dey dere sha oh

  2. A well trained gentleman u r. I can’t think of anything else. Personally, I prefer fun dates as first dates depending on how much talking we’ve done cos dinners put pressure on conversations when there isn’t some familiarity already.

  3. Since I have not been on a date before I can’t wait to read the responses. My first date that was supposed to happen on monday was cancelled and it was supposed to be a movie date. Glad for this post.

  4. Baba Blue. You got Tula on your blog? No be beans oh.

    The fact that I haven’t gone on any official date is a mitigating factor against me commenting. But if I ever do, I’ll be sure to remember these things. Thanks.

  5. Conversations are essential.

    The aim of the first date is to observe. Look for the little things. The details. Reason: its always an insight into her whole personality.

    So guys, as she’s checking U out, better make sure you’re doing the same.

    You will learn more about her from what she doesn’t say than from what she does.

    The post is ON CHECK.

    F.

  6. I hate first dates….too much details go into it, its tiring.
    Tula, I like how you said ‘don’t choke her with chivalry’ cos most guys just don’t know where to draw the line on this.
    Afterall said and done, I like me my gangster anytime,anyday. They just seem like they’re more fun.

  7. I can’t find a fault anywhere in this TheToolsman’s post. This is ideally how a perfect first date should go but things can’t always go to plan and it’s the little mess-ups that end up becoming fun memories later (if a relationship is borne out of this). All in all, nice post.

  8. Can’t lie: I’m guilty of the rugged wallet paroles… Had mine since 03. But it can be a veritable convo starter sha.

    My problem is that I’ve never had a first date in that proper sense bar one: twas a disaster. I was uncomfortable thruout. Especially after we ran into an exceptionally good-lookin hunk of an acquaintance of hers. And yes, she flew on him. Have barely called her twice since that day!

  9. My idea of an ideal first date is a trip to a music store, that has REAL Cd’s (ofcourse with a girl who loves music as much as I do) We get to share opinions and delve into experiences landmarked by certain songs. A literary event like a poetry open mic event or a book reading. By the time we actually get to the restaurant afterwards, we’ve already created this foundation of mutual interests which can now be built upon.

    • OR more like you’ve already bored her to death and she just wants to go home…depending sha. You would know by how many times she checks her watch. U shud hav stopped at the CD store..literary reading??poems??..guy,I want to believe your dream date is not a nigerian??

    • Skip the music store and replace with an open mic event…except you’re going with a hermit or a nerd.The open mic event would give you something to talk about as it usually involves various acts. Then,the restaurant act can follow.

  10. very nice one Tula..
    Bule,.. Nice one. Things are looking good around here. LOL..

    my 2 cents.. I think we put too much pressure on first dates/first impressions.. don’t get me wrong, you need to impress, but I think the real person comes out after the 3rd/4th date.

    first dates are thoroughly prepared for.. which means, you’re probably seeing the person at his/her best on the first date.

    so personally, I’ll take my first impressions on the 3rd date….if it gets there.

    i like one thing Tula said.., as good as the first date goes, make sure it is something you can top on the 2nd, 3rd date.

    I’m a sucker for ‘casual’.. who says our first date can’t be on a lazy Sunday afternoon at the beach..wearing t-shirts and shorts.. LOL. Just me tho.

    • yea, i totally agree to this, first date, u guys r both forming for each other and a dinner makes it more complex cuz you it is well prepared for……
      catch her off guard, do beach, bowling or some other outdoor activities, trust me she can laugh her heart out at that moment without the usual side mouth smiles as it applies to if u guys were sitting in one exotic restaurant. that’s what i think anyways

  11. This makes sense. Some of us girls don’t look out for the Rolexes and stuff though. And if it seems like you’re flashing it in my face, I’ll add “vain tendencies” to my initial assessment of you. Besides that, nice idea for a perfect date.

  12. Going to the movies is for weaklings.
    A real guy knows that the cinema isn’t a location for any kind of date unless you guys are going steady.

    Tula’s reference to being familiair with the restuarant or any place you choose to take her to is an easily overlooked part.All it takes is one bad waiter/service person to ruin a perfectly planned outing.

    I am amused everytime I see a guy & a chick struggling to get attention or service at a bar/club or restaurant.

    At the end of the day, all I wanna know is “Is she gonna bang doe?”

  13. I like spontaneous dates. Have always worked for me. The really formal ones make perfect sense if you want to just…talk…The dinner thing is really nice and the flow ultimately depends on how much y’all have been talking BEFORE the actual date. The most important thing is to be comfortable. Preparation is key like you’ve rightly said.

    I’ve done dinner dates and late movies afterwards…after all the light dinner conversation things get to be more comfortable when watching a movie (you know woh I mean 😉

    Finally, I also like to add that Razor Eddie hit the damn nail on the head!

  14. Hmmm…how can you guys improve? Don’t pick your nose on the first date. Don’t sneeze in your palms and rub it together. Don’t eat icecream and come to kiss me after, that would be the end. In fact, like tula said, don’t kiss at all. An affectionate hug would do.

    If your date goes like Tula’s, then yeah. There would def be a next time.

  15. nice post. For me, the best dates are all about the conversation and observation. any environment in which that won’t take place is off my list. movies are bad for conversation. any place with noise is bad for conversation. if you are thinking of being in a relationship with someone, you have to take in every detail.

    great stuff.

  16. Can’t think of anything wrong wit dis post. Nice one. However, I prefer something less formal and serious for d 1st cause u’d av to rely solely on conversaation to make d evening fun and dis can b difficult if both parties r d quiet type. I’d rather much do something ‘fun’ and light say go-carting and movies for example? dat is more likely to effortlessly bring out d playful side of d both of us first, and do d dinner thing as a second date. I believe u can still ‘wash’ d babe, depending on how u handle it.

  17. Wow. THIS is a perfect date right here!! Thumbs up, Tula.

    @bluejr: Unfortunately I have no experience here: no idea of a perfect first date.

    I can like to print out this series or something. Lol. 🙂

  18. I don’t believe in dates being ‘fact-finding missions’. Dates are, IMO, for fanning the flames of an already steady or potential relationship. Of course, we’ll talk and get to know even more about each other, but it’s what I already knew about her that made me ask her out in the first place. This is why blind dates are just a heck of a No-No for me.

    Nice one Baba Blue. Nice one, Repairman. 😀

  19. Tula..justice was done.. Assuming guy is bucks’d..has great taste..has a well functioning brain and is serious hence .. No flaws in this Date.. Too damn perfect.. This date woulda had me totaly except ofcos he’s fugly..

    Thanks toolsman and bulejr for raising my hitherto ‘Too High'(as I’ve been told countlessly) standards… *sighs* 😦

  20. Dis date thing sef……..d only restaurants am familiar with, where d waiters would easily recognize me is all dis iya-basira things oh! No need to form toosh! D only betta reatuarant haf ever been to was 1 chinese affair like dat. Btw d girl doesn’t talk 2 me any more cos she had running stomach for days. I’d rather keep it casual, movie things has been over flogged. I’d always stick to iya-basira, calabar kitchen and stuff where we can have pamie 4 dessert. We r africans now!

  21. If this is what a perfect date should look like, i have never been on a date in my life. I’m more of a bush boy, bar & pub setting, a drink here & there, light banter & intelligent convos & then we let the wind take us wherever, if I’m lucky, it might just blow up her skirt… Nice one tula.

  22. FIRST! Tula! I am a sucker for mexican cuisine! I SHALL NOT, REPEAT, SHALL NOT, LET YOU HATE ON MY PRECIOUS TORTILLERRA’S AND TACO’S WITH JALAPENO PEPPER AND GRILLED CHICKEN WITH SOY SAUCE!!! Having said that, restraunts are a No-no for first dates… i assure you that you won’t learn shit… she’ll be too careful to let u in… you can’t go wrong with an activity, naija doesn’t have a variety of venues for that tho’ but if you can (where available) take her to a theme park. Talking from experience i got at least 20 hugs and more snuggles when we went into the haunted house… see me forming protector… girls can fear sha… and after the roller-coaster she laughed so much she din’t know when she told me we had to go on a second date (by force)… fun activities guys… (not movies) you can’t go wrong…

  23. This was defo dreamt in 3D. Avatar screaming @ me bigtime. But for real if you’re in the motherland, unless you guys have nothing to contend with like traffic and attitude of the idoit you tipped yesterday then you’re pants.
    Cinema? Yimu mehn have you seen (or heard) the idiots that talk through movies or the morons that clap to actor?
    As for Bars mehn 9 outta 10 times he’s been there. Now if she would follow me back to mine (I cook) and she likes a drink or two then maybe we could do something.
    A brutha don’t need penetration if she can give good conversation (well yet @ least)

  24. Predictable;I feel like I’m watchin a movie…wld hv luvd somethin dynamic and a little bit adventurous,I dnt think I wld enjoy d kinda date just descibed here….bur I guess it’l be gud for some pple

  25. Ok!
    Screw all this Malboro pedigree date tins meeehn!

    You want the perfect date? For me it’s not a date! I’d ask her what she loves doing and match it with something I love doing too and we’d go do it, make noise and build a stronger friendship.

    I’m all about the girl that gets to be totally herself around me. That happens when the wallet is torn but it contains fresh money, when the belt buckle is rusted but the perfume is intoxicating, when she eats noiselessly but spills some rice off her plate;

    WHEN WE’RE NOT TRYING TO BE PERFECT!

    • As much as I agree with your comment, I really don’t know how practical it is.. well, I speak for myself cuz I’ve actually tried this. I think it’s something very psychological… even if you’ve known the gurl for months before, things aren’t just the same esp. on that first date or lemme say the first hour of the first date. You’re just more cautious and self-aware.

      A lot of people might not agree with me.. you know why? We live in a society where ‘dating’ as it’s known in other parts of the world isn’t exactly what we practice here. There’s a strong possibility that you’ll already be on your third date before you realize that “movie” you saw with her a couple of weeks back was your first date. And then you remember you had on rusted belt buckle e.t.c.

      Humour me… next time you meet a girl you fancy, spell it out LOUD and clear when you ask her out on a date and see if nothing changes.

      • First off, Runtaj, Oshey!

        I’m totally getting you Tula!

        I won’t deny that even in this my hangout kind of date, there can still be some tension.

        Experience? Some girls, even good friends only open up when the social charade is done and we’re about to leave so we probably end up saying more during farewell time in the car, in front of her house and extending that 2 minutes to thirty.

        I just never do an elaborate date with all the filigree till I’m sure conversation would come super easy and that we both can show up there in jeans, polos and slippers and still be naturally comfortable. I reserve that for later.

  26. Ooooohhhh Uncle TULA!!!! *crowdcheers* I pray I meet som1 who’d go thru all dis stress and not have it @ d back of his mind dat he’s gonna score…d best part was his doing a background check on d babe & resturant…

  27. Afrosays couldn’t be more on point. Nobody wants the rigidity of Adam’s Family Reunion on their first date. Girls who can blend being razz and tush are the best. IMO.

  28. Nice post tools! Very nice!

    I agree with Afrosays tho…(Y)

    Too much pressure on the first date thing but its very subjective as one man’s meat is another man’s poison.However the rolex and gesticulating thing shouldn’t be too much.It can pass across the wrong message and make him seem vain.

    Can I add that his phone be put on vibe or silent.The phone ringing or an IM coming in when its your turn to ans his question can be annoying. All in all,nice post!

  29. And that is how work at the office did not allow me set P on Baba Blue’s Blog today (Gerrit? Triple B? No? *sighs*) My idea of a perfect first date is somewhere that takes both of us out of our comfort zone. Tula has gone to lure the girl into his hunting ground where he has the upper hand. Foolish woman. How wont she fall for his practised Superstory? Unnatural places break down the walls between people and allow you to interact with the real person. How can you pretend when both of you are barely trying to survive the new environment without failing at that?

    Oh well, my idea of a first date is in the classroom, when the girl and I are doing an assignment together, or she asks me to help explain some topic to her. Or vice versa.

  30. @Tula, you are spot on with preps, choice of venues and dressing.. a lil’ vanity never hurts (yea, they might say or think u r vain but in the end, i believe you’d end up proving their perceptions wrong and they’d like you more for it)…
    Pls never forget to act not tooooooo interested (NOTE: ‘NOT TOO’)..
    Finally, the first date is not worth the stress if it never leads to a mutually acceptable second! it’s the next.. and the next… and the next that really matters.

  31. Different strokes for different folks.

    For me, one of the fastest ways to get into my friend zone is to make our first date casual. There’s plenty of time to go casual after the first date.

    Some of us still like fairy tales and hollywood.

  32. Pleasant read, never been on a date before cos naija guys can be Nigerians lol. I’m guessing it might be awkward or maybe fun. Depends on a lot.

    Can I ask the owner of this blog a question? Well that’s already a question, so I would like to ask a second question if I may. Heard/found out you are a love doctor of sorts. I need some advice from you, if you are willing to be of help. Thanks 🙂

  33. Not bad! Buh u hv assumed that this is Utopia. Waheva happened to spontaneity?? Personally, I hate planning things to d last detail. Trust me, u r sure to fuck up. Wat if d waiter or doorman u tipped isn’t d same 1 on duty?? So many questions to be answered. My idea is to be natural. Wah if I dnt possess a Rolex wrist watch?? U have based ur blog on d rich not taking US into consideration. Wah if I cnt afford ying yang?? U make a first date sound like Rocket Science. Dere are other simplistic approaches!!!

  34. I like what you guys are up too. Such smart work and reporting! Carry on the excellent works guys I’ve incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it’ll improve the value of my site :).

  35. Very vivid description. I always go to a place I know everybody!!!! All the waiters and security guards. Lol.
    On the real though, the issue seems to be about classy, formal // playful, fun filled.
    Most boys have their strengths and weaknesses!! When I was younger, I was ridiculously shy! A first date had to be fun-filled (go karting and stuff, then movies-comedy). In the end she has a nice time, filled with a lot of laughs, which is good!
    But as I grew older, more confident and funnier, I started preferring the formal dinner dates with lots of convo. If you are funny enough, she’ll appreciate the fact that you make her feel relaxed even when you are both obviously nervous (yes you have to pretend to be nervous!that way you don’t come off as cocky and rehearsed.)
    Truth is most guys think about banging their dates whether we say it or not! But that always increases the tension. It’s best not to think about it while you are actually with her. When I go on first dates, I just try to make the girl laugh till rice is coming out her nose!(while still coming off as a confident gentleman rather than a clown) If you can do that, you might get a kiss and definitely a second date.

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