@bule_jr: Yesterday, @thetoolsman showed us what an ‘ideal’ date looks and feels like from a guys perspective.
Today the girls are going to let us into their own idea of a ‘Perfect First Date’. Enjoy
I have never been on a date.
Dang! What an opener! Too bad I can’t use it truthfully. When ‘Baba Blue’ asked me to write this, I quickly checked the dictionary to make sure I could start with that but according to dictionary.com (A date is a social appointment engagement or occasion arranged beforehand with another person. So all em movies, hook ups and ‘just hangin’ count as dates. Bleh), i have been on a date.
But then there are dates and there are dates.
Seeing as this isn’t my blog, I’ll try to minimize the ranting (I seem to be in the mood lately yeah?) so we’ll leave the dates versus dates issue for another day.
Ok so. The perfect first date. Let’s see.
We’ll run over a few things before i describe the date and I’ll still be carrying on heavy commentary in between.
It has to be with someone I like. As far as i’m concerned, a date is more about the company than the actual event. That’s the major reason I’ve spent many a valentine’s day alone. Again, rant for another day but like I said the person is very important. We’ll refer to him as the ‘dater’ and me, the ‘datee’.
For me, besides the physical qualities and all, the dater’s gotta have some mystery. We probably talk on the phone and all but I don’t want to have him totally figured before the first date. There’s just something totally hot about wondering what’s going on behind those eyes and that lazy smile.
Now let’s talk about location. This is extremely important. If you’re like me and have a reputation to protect (I swear I do!), then there are some places you wouldn’t be caught dead at with certain kinds of people. So if you haven’t met the guy then don’t agree on a venue till he picks you up. That way you can assess the ‘situation’ (his appearance and level of decorum) properly and know what restaurant fits. This may seem a little snobbish but believe me, it has saved me many a time from certain disaster. You do not want to walk into Orchid Bistro or La Saison on the arm of a sloppy scruffy looking dude. Trust me, you don’t.
If you’re meeting him up at the place then good luck, may the gods favor you. But settle on a place that’s not too high end and not to street either.
First impressions are very key. You agreed he’d pick you up at 5. Be ready at 4:55 but when he calls to say he’s downstairs, tell him you’ll be out in five minutes. You don’t want to appear eager. You don’t want to appear tardy either so make sure your five minutes is five minutes.
I walk confidently to the car (ignoring the butterflies in my stomach because i know he’s checking me out as i walk towards him) open it and get in. I smile and take him in. He looks like his voice; hot. Good. Plus his car’s also tidy. No half eaten Gala’s or empty plastic coke bottles in sight. Nice.
Note that I said get in, not climb in. I’ve actually seen chicks that climb into cars; not a pretty sight.
The theme of the car is Light; light music and light chit chat about the weather and our respective days. We’re still feeling each other out; getting comfortable.
We get to our destination, step out of the car and walk to the door. He opens it and holds it open for me to got through. At our table he holds out a chair for me and waits for me to sit before he sits.
Chi may be dead but at least his first cousin Courtesy is still alive, no? You won’t believe that I’ve actually been out with a guy who didn’t just let me open the door but actually went through while I held it open. First and last date. I agree with TheToolsman though, the dater doesn’t necessarily have to open the car door. It may seem planned and overly eager to please. But the entrance is a definite must.
We place our orders and wait while sipping our drinks and engaging in interesting conversation.
The order: I always like the dater to be involved in the ordering for two reasons. One, he can subtly steer us in the direction his pocket can handle so as to avoid any future embarrassing ‘run the card again’ moments. And two, there’s just something tasteful and classy about a man who knows his food. Plus it hot when he seems in charge; like he knows what he’s doing.
The conversation: This is the most important part of the evening. For me, versatility is key. Yes, you may be interested in me and want to have a relationship and yadi yadi but that should not be all you can talk about.
In fact, you shouldn’t talk about it at all!
Politics, general headlines, religion, fashion, arts, gadgets…general random stuff. We could get a bit personal (family background, education, etc) but not too personal. I do not want to know EVERYTHING about you. I also do not need the full details of your past, present and future love life or the fact that your mother has a dog fetish. Go figure.
Pace yourself, give me something to wonder about.
Listening is also very key. Both the dater and the datee need to listen to each other and not try to out talk the other.
Now don’t be afraid to admit when you don’t know something. If I make a comment about the unrest in Syria and you know nothing about it, it’s better to admit that you aren’t really following it than to make a comment like “I know right! Why won’t Gaddafi just step down?” You just lost major points.
The food arrives and we tuck in.
Eating: General table manners apply so I won’t bore you with them all, just this one: NEVER talk with food in your mouth. Like seriously, are you crazy?? Doesn’t mean you have to be silent throughout the meal. You should still have light conversation going on in between bites and chews.
As a personal rule, I won’t ask for dessert unless the dater offers. Like TheToolsman said, ice cream works.
We finish eating, he takes care of the bill and we exit the restaurant. The drive home is much quieter; not awkward but comfortable with smooth music playing on the stereo. We get to my house, he parks properly and walks me to my door. At the door he says something along these lines, ” I had a good time tonight. We should do this again.” Then he smiles mysteriously, like he wants to kiss me and he knows i want to be kissed.
And then he turns and walks to his car.
The Goodnight: Again, like TheToolsman said, the goodnight should not be said in the car with the engine running like you can’t wait for her to get down so you can be on your way. Park, get down and walk her to her door.
Now I know opinions vary on the kiss thing but for me, don’t. Even if she wants it. It’ll give her something to think about/look forward to before your next date. Plus it just makes you look more cultured and less savage.
Speaking of next date, don’t fix an appointment or say you’ll call her later. Leave her wondering/ guessing what’ll happen next: If you’re going to call, when you’re going to call, whether you really liked her, whether you’ll kiss her this time…
Now this is what MY perfect first date would look like. I’m no expert (hell, I’m still single) and nothing here is set in stone so feel free, use the comment box; agree, disagree, create your own scenario…
This is going to change many boys lives I presume.
Anyway today the instructions from yesterday are reversed.
Ladies: Do you agree with this?
Give us your own scenarios of what will make a perfect first date for you.
Guys: simples, How has this helped you?
Where do you think they are getting it wrong and you wana help them out a bit?
Let us know about a perfect date that you have been on before.
Share your ideas and speak your minds using the comment box.
Do share something. Your little words can be of great help to someone out there.