Keeping The Passion In It (R18)

Hello everyone!

Before I begin, let me just get this out of the way:

Sex, fuck, straff, bang, nack, brap, shining congo, lamba, making love (ewww), intercourse, wire (my friends are mad people), ati be be lo

See what I did there? Good.

So I’m here to talk about sex. Yes, sex. I do not know why I’m talking about something I have never experienced (I’m a fargeen) but here I am.

I’m not talking about when to have it or how to do it (Google is your friend and playboy is your bible) but I’m here to give tips on how to keep the passion alive in a relationship.

Many of us know that once you get together and start fucking, it’s like heaven on earth. You guys are exploring each other, teaching each other, trying new things and such. It’s a wonderful thing to share yourself and body with that one person and the feeling is just beautiful.

Six months later, and you’re moaning and faking your way to an orgasm. At that moment, the chicken in the freezer is far more interesting. Why is that so?

In all relationships, things get boring or stale. His smile doesn’t exactly make you want to sing and dance anymore but the feeling is there. You can’t stand the way she litters your apartment floor (if you have your own place) with her shoes. You practically force yourself to fuck him because ‘We do the same thing all the time but he’s so horny and I don’t want him to go and look for an excuse to sleep with that slutty secretary/classmate/friend of his.’

I will give you some helpful tips and ideas on how to get yourself out of a sexual rut but I cannot guarantee these will work 100%. Cosmo will tell you to learn gymnastics or turn up to his office in a trench coat with nothing on but ladies (and guys) know that it may still not work. A simple change may be all that takes to kick both of you of that stalemate.

  1. Communication: I know this may be hard but maybe you should tell him you don’t exactly like a finger up your ass. Or you like the way he kisses you down there and he should spend a little more time there. Or you should def tell her you like the way she hums when she’s … you get the point. Tell her/him what you want and presto! You get it! Ask and you shall receive. Let him know what makes you feel good and what makes you cum. If you like, lie there and continue receiving while he gets off. Sex is meant to be enjoyable and not boring. Which brings me to my next point …
  2. Try new things: I repeat Google is your friend and Playboy/Cosmopolitan is your bible. If you’re tired of the same old thing, read up and try on new stuff. I know Cosmos has tons of articles about new positions and how that girl did that and loved it (do not ask how I know this). If you read something and want her to try it but you’re shy, leave it around ‘accidentally’. I do not mean leaving porn paused on the laptop screen. Leave the magazine page open on the bed, she may just pick it up and read. Make up a story about how Tunde/Rita told Frank/Joke who told Obi/Ify who gisted you about this ‘crazy thing’. If you present it in a fun way, she/he may just try it. Oh, and try watching porn together. It may sound weird now but try watching it like a movie with a serious script and cast. I guarantee you will be on the floor rolling at the horrible acting and forced situations (the pizza delivery guy/plumber/electrician just happened to have a hard dick waiting for you) Once you are laughing, say this ‘hey, this looks like fun. Why don’t we try it?” Do not go and suggest she shapes herself into a pretzel for you or invite your three
  3. friends over for ‘drinks’ (only if you are into that of course). Take things easy and see how they go.
  4. Toys and Food: The toys part may just be under ‘try new things’ but I wanted to pair to along with food here. There are great ways to explore your body with your bf/gf/husband/wife and using sex toys are part of it. If you have a vibrator, ask him to pleasure you with it. I guarantee he will love the look of pleasure on your face. Why don’t you tie him up? The fear and anticipation of what is to come will heighten your senses and make things better. Blindfolds, whips and chains may be new but hey, you’re tired of the ordinary right? Now when I talk of food, I do not mean White House Pounded yam and efo being eaten off her/his body
    (only Ibadan people do that please). I mean strawberries dipped in chocolate or cream and you feeding her. I mean using honey to trace your initials on his chest and licking it off. I mean using ice on her nipples to make her yelp and want more. There are many ways to incorporate food into foreplay and if yu try it, I give you a 90% guarantee it will be good or I will give you your non-existent fee back.
  5. Last but not the least, the mind: You may do everything and more on this list but if your mind isn’t into it, you will not cum. What are you thinking about during sex? Why are you having sex with him/her? Who is she/he to you? Is it just to bust a nut or to share something? These days, it seems like everyone is hooking up just for the sake of it but you need to understand that sex is not just sex sometimes. It’s a gift and it’s a way to share yourself to the deepest level with your partner. If you intend of making it the best experience both of you will ever have, then think that way.  Let her know that this isn’t just sex and it’s more than that. Be the best person to your partner in and outside the bedroom and you will see your sex life and relationship will improve.

Well, that’s it from me. I hope you find more ways to help spice up your sex life and love life. I repeat, do not ask how I know this stuff. I just  ….read a lot. And my friends tell me these things.

And I’m not lying!



Do you have any other tips to add to these?

Or do you have any bone of contentions with what has been shared by deola?

You know what to do.


Friends, Family & Relationships

There’s a popular saying, “when you marry a person, u marry their whole family”.

Yea I know a lot of you might be thinking….“hold your horses…no one said anything about marriage”…but as long as the phrase serves the purpose, cut me some slack.

Whether we like it or not, the reality is that relationships aren’t complete without the (sometimes) unsolicited interference from friends and family. Come on, you know what I mean, those little irksome statements that elicit a lot of eye rolling on our parts.

I remember one time I had this *whoosh fans self at the memory* hot Ibo potential boyfriend and one of my friends couldn’t just stop making comments like “but he’s not Yoruba…”, “there’s no future”, “don’t waste your time”…I mean, honey chill, we are not even official yet, why are you busy planning our divorce?!!! Few months later the question changed to “Does he have a brother?” *shaking head* FRIENDS!!!

Oh don’t get me wrong they aren’t all that bad. Who else do you chat away with when you want to “form important/busy/uninterested” on a first date (you girls know what I’m talking about *wink*). The other day I called up one of my best friends Bukky* whilst she was on a date. After all the necessary info had been passed…I noticed home girl was trying to drag on the conversation. The phone call went something like this.

Me: … OK love I’ll talk to you later.

Bukky: Err wait…which reminds me, have you checked that stuff?

Confused Me: What stuff?

Bukky: That stuff now can’t you remember?

Me: Huhn? Babe speak english my credit is burning jo.

Bukky: (breaks into a giggle) you’re not even serious.

(Thinking to myself “what’s funny?”)

Me: Are u ok?

And then just like magic…TING!!! (Light bulb moment)

Me: You’re out with Kunle* ba?

Bukky: Yes

Before I knew it, she had successfully kept me on the phone for 5mins saying little nothings. The things we do for friends!

And what about those times we (don’t) need advice? Where do friends come in, you may ask? I’ll relate an experience that happened to me a while back.


My boyfriend and I had had a little misunderstanding which resulted in him hanging up the phone on me. In a moment of anger, I told two of my “close friends” here’s what they each had to say.

Friend #1:

Me to Shade*: Can you believe Tunde* hung up on me?

Shade: What? What rubbish? That’s so rude. You can’t be allowing such nonsense o. You need to give him a piece of your mind. That’s how Osa* tried it with me I didn’t pick up his calls for 3weeks. Trust me he never tried it again.

(I later found out that Osa* stopped calling her after 3weeks and never did call again, but naturally she didn’t mention that part.)

Friend #2:

Me to Stella*: Can you believe Tunde* hung up on me?

Stella: Why? What did you do or say to warrant that?

Me: Why does it have to be me at fault?

Stella: Because Tunde* seems like a sensible person. He wouldn’t just hang up on you for no reason.

Me: Who’s side are you on self?

Stella: (laughs) Calm down. Do u want to tell me what happened from the scratch?

There…that’s how a good friend should respond in such a situation.

However, there are situations when we need firm friends to “lend us their pair of glasses” when we are too blinded by love to see that we are being taken for a jolly ride. That one friend that will look you in the eyes and say “Babe..snap out of it!”

And family? Where’s the place of family in relationships you might ask. After all the saying did go “…you marry the family too”.

In my personal experience in the first few months my father’s own is to be formally introduced to the young man that has been frequenting his house in search of his daughter. Of course he knows we are in a relationship but still chooses to refer to homeboy as “your friend” Heaven forbids that he admits his little girl is having boyfriends at 22.

Now my mother…wants to know “where’s he from”. When I reply, “Oyo state”. The next question is “what part of Oyo state?”. After replying her with “Ogbomoso”…she proceeds to tell me all the stereotypes she knows about Ogbomoso people and their traits citing examples to buttress her point of course. But it goes beyond that. Most mothers, mine inclusive, are more involved in their children’s’ relationships. They want to know the family background. They want to hear the “gist of a first date”. They pray for you and give you advice, solicited or unsolicited, and if the relationship crashes and burns, they are there to clean up the pieces and rock you back to decorum.

On the flipside, I’ve often heard of situations where parents bring about untimely deaths to relationships. We’ve heard of the “hot water pouring” types and the extremely tribalistic ones (although if you ask me, the average Nigerian parent is tribalistic to a large extent). We’re probably also familiar with the “possesive/jealous/controlling mothers” and the “iya oko bournvita (I don’t know how to translate this one to English) types”. They are all out there.

Siblings? Truth is the earlier your siblings like your partner, the better for him or her. They hold a degree of influence in relationships. They say things as they see it, sometimes more bluntly than preferred. You’d often hear comments like “He looks unserious” or “she’s just there” if they don’t like your partner. But when they do? The glowing comments can’t roll in fast enough. (My brodas and sistehs don’t be caught dulling. You want his or her siblings to like you? Bribe them! Nothing over the top, just thoughtful gestures once in a while. Trust me, it works…TML)

At the end of the day, family and friends however important they are, are not the actual participants in the relationship and should not hold the reigns in our relationships. Yes, we should be open to their inputs because most times they are done with our best interest at heart, but at the end of the day, it’s YOUR relationship and YOUR responsibility.

Do you have comments or experiences you wanna share or opinions of your own? Go right ahead.

xoxo…  @_Ayaba.

The Chaotic Start.

I personally think that dating is the most advanced form of natural selection on the planet. The main goal of every species is to ensure its survival and man is definitely not left out. I’m torn between stating opinions and sharing reality from my perspective and while I hate imposing opinions or seeming to do so, I fear that may inevitably happen. Here goes.


I asked Jolade if she wasn’t used to folks hitting on her by now. She had just exclaimed that someone, the fifth person that day, had told her at work that she was sexy. She also said this was new for her. No one had ever crushed on her in secondary school or university. She said she wasn’t attractive then to anyone. Looking at her now, it was difficult to believe. Her figure-hugging clothes revealed curves almost bursting buttons and zips as she threw her weight from leg to leg in a fabulous sashay down the corridor, loudly announced by her clicking heels on the marble floor. Was this what money did to people? The hairdo, the clothes, the confidence, the smile of contentment and so many other things money could buy had brought out the attractiveness of this brilliant female. Now everyone wanted to have her.

I went with my brother to a fast food joint where we tried to order some sweet things to satisfy my sugar cravings. While we waited, he climbed the first rungs of the railing to get a better view of the food on offer. Slightly embarrassed on his behalf, I told him he was acting like a child in public. To which he replied, “I am rich, I can do whatever I want.” I laughed and could find no words to the contrary. He was handsome, intelligent and rich. God-fearing too. Every woman’s dream.

Ikenna was confused again. Yejide was acting as if she was his girlfriend all over again. Making last minute calls to disrupt his schedule, throwing tantrums when he turned down her wishes, demanding he call back when her credit ran out, monitoring his every move. This was the girl that had agreed that they would be just friends a week before. Now she couldn’t get enough of him. He had taken extra care not to let her know where he was working because he feared it would affect her answer to his love proposal. She had politely said no to him and asked that they be as brother and sister. Ikenna had sadly agreed. Things changed however when he took her to the staff club and showed his ID card to gain exclusive entrance. Her calls became more frequent, her demands more insistent, leaving Ikenna wondering how close she had become as a “sister.” Now his worst fears of landing a gold digger were staring him in the face.

Her boobs were not as firm as they looked when she was fully dressed. The wild thoughts running through his mind earlier on what to do to her once they were alone were slowly dissolving like a cube of sugar in a cup of black coffee. Was this lady going to be able to keep him on cloud nine in the bedroom? It would be different if he had never known such heights of sexual ecstasy. Now he had higher tastes, and death was looking too far to wait for their parting to be made legal. A strange calm settled over his heart where the storms of passion had raged oh some precious few seconds before.

People change. Times change. Circumstances change. What if you discovered that the person of your dreams today did not fit into your dreams in five years time? What if you met someone you connected with on a higher level than this person you were with? How would it feel to be unable to give your ruthless passion to your partner just because your sights were now set on the new curvy intern at the office? What did it mean to let only death do you part? Sighs.

With these troubling thoughts, I set my list of eligible females aside and fell to my knees to pray to God to choose a life partner for me as He had for Adam.



How much of God do you allow in your relationships?

What limits have you put on Him and should there even be any?

Take a step back and ask yourself, ‘What exactly do I look for before going into relationships?’

Have an answer? why not share with us today using the comment box below.


Date Days II: The Preview

Hello there.

I have no cool story to tell you about why this blog hasn’t been updated for ages. It just happened that way for reasons best known to bola and I but we like to think a friend called BLOCK has been messing around with us. We apologize and hope our little announcement today makes up for the last 2months.

Its a new year and i do hope we all have fabulous days ahead and build memories to last us a lifetime.

Moving on, i am very certain that we all remember Date Days I, where we spoke about the happenings that surrounds a first date. If  by any chance, you never did read it, catch up and get a jotter as well, we received testimonies of countless lives that were changed.

We at ‘The Ugly Truth’ did promise to do it again when the time felt right and i am glad to say, that time, is NOW.

We present to you, Date Days II:

The Sequel

Money, Power, Sex, Ego & Respect.

Relationships are special, like them or hate them, we all in one way or the other, need them. A lot of discussions with friends on twitter and other platforms over the last couple of months had made me often wonder if our generation really knew the place of certain basic principles in relationships, this led to a decision to do a sequel on the DateDays series with the title, ‘Money, Power, Sex, Ego & Respect In Relationships’.

Again, just like I DateDays1, there will be no experts coming to share their preconceived and well researched politically & morally correct notions about this theme but instead, we have got regular young people like you & i to do so and in so doing, we hope to get a basic realistic idea of where we stand now in relationships as youth and where we ought to be.

We need to ask ourselves the following questions when we think about relationships;

Are we getting things right?
Am I going into it with the right motives?
Am I willing to sacrifice and compromise? Where are we going astray?
what should we tolerate and what should we kick against?

We hope that during the course of this series, a lot of headway will be made and we’ll be able to better understand the workings of this thing called relationships.

The plan is to create an avenue through which i hope we can all share ideas about relationships in a very relaxed and semi-informal way yet taking away what we believe should be valuable life lessons which would come in handy at some point if & when we all decide to get into relationships *Dons #TeamForeverAlone Shades*.

Join @mizztosin, @HL_Blue, @LaComtessNoire, @_Ayaba, @MrOmidiran, @0Toxic, @D3ola, @xoAfro, @TheFakeEsse and myself as we share what are our own ideas of relationships today.

It runs from the 27th of February – 6th March with all post going up at 9am.

We hope that you’ll subscribe to the blog to get all posts in your mailbox or just visit the site at 9am and the posts will be up.

Do share the word about this and we hope that we do have a wonderful time while sharing opinions and expressing our views about an institution which frankly no one has ever gotten a total grasp of. This should be fun

Till then, i remain ‘Baba Blue’.