Before I begin, let me just get this out of the way:
Sex, fuck, straff, bang, nack, brap, shining congo, lamba, making love (ewww), intercourse, wire (my friends are mad people), ati be be lo
See what I did there? Good.
So I’m here to talk about sex. Yes, sex. I do not know why I’m talking about something I have never experienced (I’m a fargeen) but here I am.
I’m not talking about when to have it or how to do it (Google is your friend and playboy is your bible) but I’m here to give tips on how to keep the passion alive in a relationship.
Many of us know that once you get together and start fucking, it’s like heaven on earth. You guys are exploring each other, teaching each other, trying new things and such. It’s a wonderful thing to share yourself and body with that one person and the feeling is just beautiful.
Six months later, and you’re moaning and faking your way to an orgasm. At that moment, the chicken in the freezer is far more interesting. Why is that so?
In all relationships, things get boring or stale. His smile doesn’t exactly make you want to sing and dance anymore but the feeling is there. You can’t stand the way she litters your apartment floor (if you have your own place) with her shoes. You practically force yourself to fuck him because ‘We do the same thing all the time but he’s so horny and I don’t want him to go and look for an excuse to sleep with that slutty secretary/classmate/friend of his.’
I will give you some helpful tips and ideas on how to get yourself out of a sexual rut but I cannot guarantee these will work 100%. Cosmo will tell you to learn gymnastics or turn up to his office in a trench coat with nothing on but ladies (and guys) know that it may still not work. A simple change may be all that takes to kick both of you of that stalemate.
- Communication: I know this may be hard but maybe you should tell him you don’t exactly like a finger up your ass. Or you like the way he kisses you down there and he should spend a little more time there. Or you should def tell her you like the way she hums when she’s … you get the point. Tell her/him what you want and presto! You get it! Ask and you shall receive. Let him know what makes you feel good and what makes you cum. If you like, lie there and continue receiving while he gets off. Sex is meant to be enjoyable and not boring. Which brings me to my next point …
- Try new things: I repeat Google is your friend and Playboy/Cosmopolitan is your bible. If you’re tired of the same old thing, read up and try on new stuff. I know Cosmos has tons of articles about new positions and how that girl did that and loved it (do not ask how I know this). If you read something and want her to try it but you’re shy, leave it around ‘accidentally’. I do not mean leaving porn paused on the laptop screen. Leave the magazine page open on the bed, she may just pick it up and read. Make up a story about how Tunde/Rita told Frank/Joke who told Obi/Ify who gisted you about this ‘crazy thing’. If you present it in a fun way, she/he may just try it. Oh, and try watching porn together. It may sound weird now but try watching it like a movie with a serious script and cast. I guarantee you will be on the floor rolling at the horrible acting and forced situations (the pizza delivery guy/plumber/electrician just happened to have a hard dick waiting for you) Once you are laughing, say this ‘hey, this looks like fun. Why don’t we try it?” Do not go and suggest she shapes herself into a pretzel for you or invite your three
- friends over for ‘drinks’ (only if you are into that of course). Take things easy and see how they go.
- Toys and Food: The toys part may just be under ‘try new things’ but I wanted to pair to along with food here. There are great ways to explore your body with your bf/gf/husband/wife and using sex toys are part of it. If you have a vibrator, ask him to pleasure you with it. I guarantee he will love the look of pleasure on your face. Why don’t you tie him up? The fear and anticipation of what is to come will heighten your senses and make things better. Blindfolds, whips and chains may be new but hey, you’re tired of the ordinary right? Now when I talk of food, I do not mean White House Pounded yam and efo being eaten off her/his body
(only Ibadan people do that please). I mean strawberries dipped in chocolate or cream and you feeding her. I mean using honey to trace your initials on his chest and licking it off. I mean using ice on her nipples to make her yelp and want more. There are many ways to incorporate food into foreplay and if yu try it, I give you a 90% guarantee it will be good or I will give you your non-existent fee back.
- Last but not the least, the mind: You may do everything and more on this list but if your mind isn’t into it, you will not cum. What are you thinking about during sex? Why are you having sex with him/her? Who is she/he to you? Is it just to bust a nut or to share something? These days, it seems like everyone is hooking up just for the sake of it but you need to understand that sex is not just sex sometimes. It’s a gift and it’s a way to share yourself to the deepest level with your partner. If you intend of making it the best experience both of you will ever have, then think that way. Let her know that this isn’t just sex and it’s more than that. Be the best person to your partner in and outside the bedroom and you will see your sex life and relationship will improve.
Well, that’s it from me. I hope you find more ways to help spice up your sex life and love life. I repeat, do not ask how I know this stuff. I just ….read a lot. And my friends tell me these things.
And I’m not lying!
Do you have any other tips to add to these?
Or do you have any bone of contentions with what has been shared by deola?
You know what to do.