The Chaotic Start.

I personally think that dating is the most advanced form of natural selection on the planet. The main goal of every species is to ensure its survival and man is definitely not left out. I’m torn between stating opinions and sharing reality from my perspective and while I hate imposing opinions or seeming to do so, I fear that may inevitably happen. Here goes.


I asked Jolade if she wasn’t used to folks hitting on her by now. She had just exclaimed that someone, the fifth person that day, had told her at work that she was sexy. She also said this was new for her. No one had ever crushed on her in secondary school or university. She said she wasn’t attractive then to anyone. Looking at her now, it was difficult to believe. Her figure-hugging clothes revealed curves almost bursting buttons and zips as she threw her weight from leg to leg in a fabulous sashay down the corridor, loudly announced by her clicking heels on the marble floor. Was this what money did to people? The hairdo, the clothes, the confidence, the smile of contentment and so many other things money could buy had brought out the attractiveness of this brilliant female. Now everyone wanted to have her.

I went with my brother to a fast food joint where we tried to order some sweet things to satisfy my sugar cravings. While we waited, he climbed the first rungs of the railing to get a better view of the food on offer. Slightly embarrassed on his behalf, I told him he was acting like a child in public. To which he replied, “I am rich, I can do whatever I want.” I laughed and could find no words to the contrary. He was handsome, intelligent and rich. God-fearing too. Every woman’s dream.

Ikenna was confused again. Yejide was acting as if she was his girlfriend all over again. Making last minute calls to disrupt his schedule, throwing tantrums when he turned down her wishes, demanding he call back when her credit ran out, monitoring his every move. This was the girl that had agreed that they would be just friends a week before. Now she couldn’t get enough of him. He had taken extra care not to let her know where he was working because he feared it would affect her answer to his love proposal. She had politely said no to him and asked that they be as brother and sister. Ikenna had sadly agreed. Things changed however when he took her to the staff club and showed his ID card to gain exclusive entrance. Her calls became more frequent, her demands more insistent, leaving Ikenna wondering how close she had become as a “sister.” Now his worst fears of landing a gold digger were staring him in the face.

Her boobs were not as firm as they looked when she was fully dressed. The wild thoughts running through his mind earlier on what to do to her once they were alone were slowly dissolving like a cube of sugar in a cup of black coffee. Was this lady going to be able to keep him on cloud nine in the bedroom? It would be different if he had never known such heights of sexual ecstasy. Now he had higher tastes, and death was looking too far to wait for their parting to be made legal. A strange calm settled over his heart where the storms of passion had raged oh some precious few seconds before.

People change. Times change. Circumstances change. What if you discovered that the person of your dreams today did not fit into your dreams in five years time? What if you met someone you connected with on a higher level than this person you were with? How would it feel to be unable to give your ruthless passion to your partner just because your sights were now set on the new curvy intern at the office? What did it mean to let only death do you part? Sighs.

With these troubling thoughts, I set my list of eligible females aside and fell to my knees to pray to God to choose a life partner for me as He had for Adam.



How much of God do you allow in your relationships?

What limits have you put on Him and should there even be any?

Take a step back and ask yourself, ‘What exactly do I look for before going into relationships?’

Have an answer? why not share with us today using the comment box below.


38 responses to “The Chaotic Start.

  1. Dating is often thought of as just another social exercise. But if you’re smart, you’ll think of dating as an opportunity to select a wife for life. Rather than simply dating a succession of girls w/out a plan in place, start dating with the purpose of finding your soul mate (this I have understood, but in a very hard way.) Doing so will save you the heartache of dating, going steady, breaking up, and repeating the vicious cycle. While stating your intentions up front might freak out some prospects, the ones left standing will respect you for your firm stance. Becoming more selective in your dating will strenghten the odds of marital success later. Mind you, the Bible says, “He that finds a wife…” God will never jump down from His throne to find you a wife, WE do the searching. This is why as men, firstly, we need to find OUR own purpose for life before seeking to “find a mate” (topic for another day.)

  2. God can and should never be ruled out if u really want to have a healthy meaningful relationship.

    As for what to look out for in a relationship, frankly I think just d basic thing…companionship. He has to be someone I can look in d face and talk to, someone I am totally comfortable with even in his silence.

    Well I try not to love based on any physical reason, what I tell myself is, what if those things don’t appeal to u anymore? Being friends and being able to talk about any and everything is what counts for me. I hope I made sense 🙂

  3. I like where this is going. Now to answer your questions.
    To be honest, I have been at the two ends of the spectrum- giving God total control, and doing things myself. Doing things myself sucks. I’ve come to understand that God made me with all my quirks, so He knows who exactly will fit me perfectly.
    That being said, I’m not one of those people that believe that God will speak to you expressly (saying this is the person), so I have a couple of things I look out for in a guy that will show me that God is leading me to this person- Christian (with the same principles as me), compatibility (are our lives headed in the same direction?), attraction (do I like this guy, can we have a great conversation together, do I mind waking up to his face the rest of my life?) and finally endurance (can we weather storms together- financial, physical or spiritual?) These are the things I look out for. Of course there are physical things, but those are just added benefits, I will not completely rule out someone except we don’t possess the above listed qualities.
    Yeah, that’s it.

  4. There’s no long list of preferences for Mr Ideal… Or how to win the perfect husband…

    The key guide for me is.. “Never Settle”… There’s something better..
    So the prayer is.. That I find someone who I can change and evolve with..with whom I can stand and endure,regardless of time changes and transitional events.. We stay.

    • Hmmmn. Never settle… My question is dis… How do u know when to stop? Like u r with someone for a while and things r going great, and then someone new comes along with seemingly better characteristics/prospects and all, do u throw what u already have for the grass dat is seemingly better on the other side? Note that I use d word ‘seemingly’ twice cos I believe u can’t be too sure of these things until u get in the relationship.

      • When I say ‘never settle’,I am speaking of certain standards that I wouldn’t normally put up with..certain quirks,just because I think time is running out. E.g I have this friend who settled for a guy way older,who wants her to drop all her dreams at his door and waves at her friends,she did that ‘cos she thought the sacrifice was worth it,another is married to a man she can’t even stand,famoly and pressure,Time and the ‘haze’ of glittery stuff.
        I can’t settle if you and I can’t change together,can’t stand tests and if we don’t have enough solid to weather the difft storms coming. All I’m saying is… “ALMOST DOESNT COUNT!!”

    • You do realise that when you marry you’ve ‘settled’ as it were. There’s ALWAYS someone better than the person you’re with. You’ve only decided to be with this person because you want to.

      • Its not about something ‘better’…its about choosing that person with whom I’ve found a link,such that if we change,its together..
        Its sorta a union..I won’t settle for less than what I see as my idea of being a couple.
        Wasn’t speaking of ‘money’ or ‘looks’ or ‘charecter’

  5. Well for me, I guess I might have a different view – going through the book of Genesis, I realized God brought Eve to Adam and it is firmly expressed when at church, the man waits for the lady at the altar and she is the one that works up to him. So I feel a man needs to be in his place of rest and let God help him know the woman.
    I understand the book of proverbs says he that finds a way but then Adam found Eve when he woke up, it was then and only then did he name her… He wasn’t looking but he made God choose for him by being in his place and his mind was open to receive, some people based their selections on physical appearances and end up with the wrong mate for life but basing your trust in God is the believe that he will make everything beautiful in his time
    Even God doesn’t look at physical appearances before he does his thing, in choosing David – he anointed him first and then it was recorded that he was handsome and sturdy so no matter the situation, if you let God work for you, your mate will look attractive to you no matter

  6. Well, to start witj the first two paragraphs, I quite agree to the fact that money goes a long way to make someone look more attractive and free no matter the beauty or sort. Although relationship shouldn’t be on money either but it is essential.

    I’m not an expert on relationship issues so I wouldn’t really comment on that. Maybe when I read the next two days/articles as the case may be. But its ok though. Some reflection to think of what kind of relationship you want or what you actually want it. My answer is I can’t say as at now. I feel when it is time I will decide on what it is that I want.

    Thanks for this piece though.

  7. One need to involve God in gettin into a relationship. Most of the time,what we want is not same with God’s plan for our lives.

  8. It’s so easy to get carried away by the superficial forgetting that what’s most important is what lies beneath the glitz.

    Insightful piece!

  9. I wish I could contribute more to this but from my single experience one needs to seek God’s face in helping to find the right partner and to help sustain the relationship. It might grow stale at some points, you will God to rekindle the passion for each other. What about those who don’t believe in God? Certain principles are universal, you reap what you sow, if you don’t tend your garden dont expect it to be beautiful. You have to make the selection that you know you can live with and work at it. Don’t leave the relationship to grow on it’s own.

  10. Complex. Human beings are complex. You see something beautiful today and things change tomorrow.

    Involve God, yes, but I know a couple of atheists in successful marriages, but that’s not the point.

    Jumping into relationships blindly is silly and fickle. Some of us have had such experiences. The key thing is, do what works for you. Don’t make certain choices because others are doing so. All I need is someone I can be comfortable with and share things with. The downright superficial person ticks me off.

    Pretty interesting views here.

  11. Interesting views outchea.

    Relationships are so basic to our human existence and different people set out looking for different things in any alliance made.

    1. It’s important to know what the other party seeks (that is if they are honest about it), once you’re on the same page then you are good to go.

    2. It’s always about friendship to me, if you start out as friends most things will come by easier. It’s easier and most times much stronger when friendships blossoms into love (it’s my experience as well).

    3. God is important but equally as important is the work you put into it.

    There’s always more to say but this should suffice for now 🙂

    • The whole starting out as friends is slightly overrated. I’ve seen pleasant girls as friends transform into dragons once they’ve laid claim to a guy. I have many female friends. I won’t be deceived to think all of them would work out as life partners. I would still love to marry my friend tho.

      • Hahahahaha… I’m just seeing this.

        True that, some people are different in intimate relationships than they are as friends. But, I’ll dare say they weren’t open enough as friends to share their innermost insecurities, those things tend to magnify in intimate relationships.

        Still Lmao @transform into dragons hahahaha….

  12. Yes, humans are emotional beings, yes women are suckers for sweet words and yes men fall for whatever gets their penises up…what breeds physical attraction. While one cannot dispel this seeming reality, you cannot override the fulfilment U get from knowing you are with the right person!

    I firmly believe if we act as God designed us to, so many issues that come up in relationships as well as in marriage wouldn’t. A man is meant to lead, a woman’s meant to follow. A man is the head, a woman the backbone. If a man doesn’t know where he is going, how d hell does he expect to carry a woman along?!. Before u even start asking if U can spend the rest of ur life with her, have u got d rest of ur life figured out? If u have, then u have narrowed ur search…a woman who believes in u and can support u. U know where u r going and she knows it too. She has gotta be able to live ur dream with U which means her dream has gotta align with urs. Cos with that, U get a partner in the true sense of d word.

    As 2 her boobs falling 2 her belly buttons, his ‘gone in 60seconds’ ish, yes I know that shit sucks but hey, thank God 4 technology! And mind U, sex is but a part of d immensely large whole. U can decide 2 spice it up. D fact that u r friends even makes it easier 2 talk about. Whip out d toys, throw in d boob jobs and some burantashi n u r good 2 go!

  13. Ahan. . . 4 questions before the Author
    6 questions after him. .

    Na questionaire??? Is this a field work for ur projcet Femi?

  14. Friendship and Spirituality(in no particular order) are very improtant to me. Of course, friendship isn’t everything but friendship helps partners be/feel free and comfortable with each other. Communication strives well in relationships that started with friendship and then relationship.
    In addition, spirituality is also paramount and would cub our weaknesses and make us improve each other; not just for ourselves but for God.

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