Good Ol’ Ego

I’ve had the privilege of studying a great number of couples out on dates and it is undeniable the powerful effects money can have, positive and negative, on relationships.

Without doubt, one of the ways best favoured by people to bond with others is over a good meal and this, on a daily, brings a lot of clientele through the doors of the rather distinguished establishment in which I offer my services. I receive far more couples on dates than individuals and groups of people, day or night, and this has given me the opportunity to observe, to a great extent, couples out participating in the dating game.

Don’t get me wrong now, I’m not claiming to be an expert on such matters. Far from it, I’m just an observer who’s trying to learn from the experiences and mistakes of others before taking the plunge myself. Is this not wisdom? *wink*

Doing what I do requires me to know a few of my costumers really well. A few of them have me really intrigued to the point that in relating with them during the course of business, we begin to relate on a bit more of a personal level. Let me introduce one family I have come to respect and love to you.

The Owolabis come in regularly. They are accustomed to living affluently and coming to a classy restaurant is pretty normal to them. Practically the whole family comes in, individually or collectively, at different intervals during any given week.

Chief and Dr Mrs come in to dinner as a couple at least once a month. Things weren’t always this way though. They started small and humble and worked hard to build the empire they presently control. Dr Mrs once regaled me with the tale, to chief’s embarrasment, of how in their youth, before they were married, he would take her on only cheap dates. She recounted how the park not far from the London apartment she shared with coursemates was his favourite spot for dates because, as a foreign student on scholarship, he couldn’t afford to take her anywhere remotely fancy; and how he would slave over home-made sandwiches and freshly squeezed orange juice or the likes for their refreshment as they picnicked; and how she would make them walk to and from the park because she knew he really couldn’t afford the cab-fare he kept trying to insist they took, all in the name of chivalry. She stuck with him through the early days and now (she would gesture to the grandness around her), just look at the grand way they live.

Now, this would ordinarily be quite an inspiration to me, to work hard, make something of my life and the good things would then come. But all I felt was a strange mixture of respect and pity for her.

Respect, because the come-uppance Chief and Dr Mrs had experienced would solidify the love the wife had for her husband, but pity, because it had only turned the man into the weaker vessel, eroding the initial connection felt towards wife by him.

Coming into wealth he had never been exposed to previously only opened Kashimawo Owolabi’s eyes to the finer things he could have now that he could never have had back then. Things he is determined to now enjoy despite being advanced in years. He rolls around in heavy socialite circles, not for business, but just for the fun of it. Rides in fast and exotic cars that his son should be ridding himself of now. And beds some of the hottest women I have ever… or will ever lay my eyes upon. I can picture that in his mind, his wealth has given him access to the women he would have even been too ashamed to say a simple “hello” to in the days of his youth. He would sometimes bring these women to Greene’s to wine and dine them before heading on to the Five Corner’s down the street, obviously to get his money’s worth in kind.

Further contribution to the pity I have for Dr Mrs are her offspring. They had been born into their parents’ rise into the upper echelon and the wealth would come to greatly affect their outlook on life in general and dating and relationships in particular.

Kudirat, the first child, much like her siblings, had always gotten everything she wanted growing up. Problem here is, she wants everything else! Having acquired a ravenous sexual appetite far exceeding her father’s, she has brought every class of men imaginable to the restaurant. I have seen Kudi, in the stoking of imminent passion, dine government officials, captains of industries and even royalty and at other times, seductively wine homeless men, her own driver and much to my pleasure then and shame now, even the young manager of Greene’s, my humble self. (*-_-)

Kashimawo Jr (Kash Jr to his friends), the only son, in getting everything he wanted, had discovered his own peculiar tastes and then stuck to them. Or better put, stuck to him. I do not believe I have ever seen Kash at dinner here alone with another individual besides Karimu Owolafe. Kash and Kari, to Dr Mrs Owolabi, are just the best of friends, despite Kari’s very humble backgrounds. However, thanks solely to Kash’s influences and access to wealth, they have gone everywhere and done everything together. Emphasis on ‘did‘, ‘every‘ and ‘thing‘ and may I add ‘each other‘? I shall now leave the rest to your perverted imagination. (-_-)

Monie, the baby of the house, seems to be the only one who aspires to live a responsible social life. Oh, I’m sorry, scratch the ‘social’ there. Moni, after all, lacks any semblance of a social life. Always the wise, introspective and perceptive one, seeing the paths her siblings had chosen to take in their dating lives and recognizing the attendant pitfalls, she made her mind up early that she would not fall prey to any gold-digger types, temporarily or permanently, and as such, set her standards high. This one has high tastes. Very exquisite tastes. So exquisite, that I doubt any living person can satisfy them. I have never seen her on a date, here in her favourite restaurant, with another actual person. I’ll admit though, I Have seen her on several dates here, I just haven’t ever been able to see her date. The waiters always remain weirded out when they have to serve two places at her table and she is talking to and laughing with someone in the opposite chair they can’t hear or see. I’ve actually heard them in the back room arguing over whose turn it was to suffer the ordeal of attending her table.

So sad. *smh*

Whenever, I remember the Owolabis in general, I feel a little sadness for the Dr Mrs. Especially after all the sacrifices she made for her family.

Oh, did I forget to mention those sacrifices earlier? Well, my apologies.

Ms Ego Oputachi, while on an advanced medical program at Oxford University sometime in the 70s, would meet and fall in love with an engineering student with a rugged demeanor and a bright outlook on life. Recognising this moslem yoruba boy’s prospects and his immense love for her, she would ignore her very tribalistic father’s threats of denouncing her as his daughter, thereby severing all ties with the wealthy background rife with highly placed connections from which she comes to marry him. Only through much toiling and fighting together against all the odds would Mr and Mrs Owolabi of back then become the influential figures they are now.

In other words, it would appear it is as possible for money not to positively affect the ego of a couple trying their hand at the dating game as it is to negatively affect either or both individuals.


Personally, I don’t need whoever I eventually end up with to be rich or highly connected. I just need her to truly believe in me and I’ll bring whatever she believes to life. I just want to find me my own Ego to boost my deflating ego.

How big is your ego?


Ego, Power & Respect

Hello People

I think I’ll start off by giving the definitions of the three things I want to talk about:

I see Power as an attribute that allows you to influence people and/or outcomes to favor your desires.

The Ego is a sense of self esteem, or self worth. However, since this is Date Days 2, I’d like you to assume that my use of “Ego” here is synonymous with pride.

Respect is the feeling of admiration you have for someone or something.

Power comes in many forms, mostly physical and materialistic. These forms of power are truly advantageous, but I’m more interested in the mental and emotional form of power. You see, you could move people towards your goals by brute strength, or by using money but that is pure coercion. I believe there is greater power in having the genuine love and respect of others. They will bend to your will out of their own free will. Let’s transfer this thought into a relationship between two people. The power you have over someone else is yours simply because that person trusts you with his/her emotions.

Manipulating someone’s emotions is a blatant sign of weakness. Your partner is neither your property, nor your slave. Respect your partner, and more importantly, respect yourself. How you treat yourself plays a huge role in the way others treat you. Love yourself, but do not be self-absorbed to the degree that you’re blind to the feelings of your partner. Selfishness is an extension of the negativity of having a swollen ego. All you will end up doing is taking your partner for granted. Humble yourself and listen to your partner. Be patient. Be thoughtful. Try and put yourself in that person’s shoes all in your attempt to understand him/her.

Respect also has a lot to do with self-restraint. Not everyone is an open book; respect people’s space and their right to privacy. Better still, respect people by leaving them alone especially when you know you know you aren’t what they need/want. Be honest with yourself at all times, and try to differentiate between offenses to your ego and those to your person.

It takes a lot of time and patience to get to know someone first, talk more of accepting them for who they are. It also takes humility to respect people’s habits. It’s also a sign of strength of character when you refrain from the guilt trips, the emotional blackmail et al.  Everyone has something to offer, and it’s pure arrogance to think you’re better than your partner. Nobody knows it all. I mean, nobody’s perfect.

Don’t misunderstand me though. I’m not saying you should turn yourself into a doormat, or an emotional dustbin. If you’re constantly being maltreated, respect yourself and leave.

Reflect on these little questions:

Do you know what you want from your partner?

Have you ever manipulated your partner’s emotions?

To what degree does your pride affect your relationship with others?

Are you willing/ready to receive the same treatment you dish to your partner, or do you have a double standard?

Are you quick to be defensive when an issue arises? Are you quick to play the blame game?


Money In Relationships

Relationships on a regular should be about the people involved and their feelings. These days it’s about how much you have at the moment, how much you plan to have in the next few years.

I’m not sure at what point we lost the main focus of relationships and turned it into an emotional business deal. It has become majorly a case of “what shall I gain from this?”.

Personally I do not put much emphasis on money when I’m thinking of relationships, and that is because I can afford most things myself but I have to admit that it is easier being with someone who’s financially stable or to a large extent, independent. I also believe in helping your partner especially when you’ve decided in your heart that this is who you want to be with for a while.

To survive in a relationship in today’s world we need money……. Be it  for communication, fun or just basic surviving.

If we are to look at communication, you need money to do this, and in this world where there is a blackberry craze everywhere, you would need to pay for your BIS. And in all honesty, you can’t keep all the communication to blackberry alone because there are some things/feelings which are gotten through speaking/hearing the voice of the other party. And considering the fact that an average person has over 50 contacts on his/her blackberry, as a partner in a relationship, you would need to go the extra mile lest you lost in the crowd.

Heaven help you if you are in a long distance relationship like across the ocean kinda thing. You’d spend more on communication, be it calls, text or good internet for all those your skype dates and others. I guess that is part of the reason why they say LDR isn’t for the faint hearted.

Let us look at the fun aspect of the relationship; because every now and then you need to put spice in your relationship else it starts to feel like a routine. If you want to catch a movie or go kart racing or something as simple as a hangout at the beach you need money especially if you live in Nigeria where all these things are apparently like gold (God knows why though). To continue to spice things up, you need elements of surprise and flowers don’t count for the average Nigerian girl just like boxers don’t count for the average guy. So you’d need to be grand in your surprises, creative too. And this takes time and money (you just might pay someone to do thinking for you).

Nobody wants to date a liability and just be the one giving; it’s not fun and makes the other person feels taken advantage of. I’m a girl and I pay for stuff too. I know there are a lot of girls that feel like they should be taken care of. And there are a lot of guys with ego problems that feel they should do the paying and when the girl gets used to it, they now say she is a gold-digger. First of all, you taught her how to dig the gold…… short you created the monster so live with it. And there are a lot of girls who take advantage of  these “generous” guys and ask for the most ridiculous things on earth e.g freshest newest gadgets, fancy cars, designer this and designer that or the persistent craze with all the Brazillian, Peruvian hair.

There are some weird extreme cases like asking for the guy’s 6months bank statement (I find this a tad uncomfortable since they are not engaged or anything like that). While I know it is important to look at the financial status of the person you are with, I think it is wrong when it becomes the major criteria while considering a relationship. The joy is in growing together, building your life together. You get to appreciate each other more because you know that you went through thin together and are coming out thick. Unlike when you land with a partner who is already swimming in cash and would constantly see you as an accessory and not an equal partner.

The society too plays a major role in this line of thought as well because you bring a partner home to the family and the question of what they do comes up…….where they live…….where they schooled.  Some even go as far as asking how often the person travels out of the country.

A male friend once told me this “if you meet a guy who isn’t doing so well, ask him about his past, rate his present, consider his principles not his sweet-spoken nonsense and from there predict his future from all he says and all you can get from his body language”.

I guess in essence he was telling me to judge my partner with my head not my heart as the heart has been known to lead people astray.

No one is saying you should walk blindly into a relationship with someone that cannot meet his/her needs and has no intention of trying. Just make sure that the size of the wallet isn’t your major “attraction”.

There was a point in this life when all you needed for a relationship to work was the commitment of the people involved. Now the commitment can be “bought” because

‘Love isn’t all that matters any more’.


Tosin just shared her views on the role of money in relationships. Agree? Disagree?

What are your takes on the financial aspect to relationships?

when and where should it be be brought in as a criteria in Relationshiposphere?

Do share your view with us using the comment box.


The Order Of Things

Under the meager amber light, in the privacy of fogged windows, the slightly custardy smell of David’s ejaculation fills the car. In a few minutes, he would clean up most the evidence of his ‘pleasurement’ from his uncle’s vehicle but Laide would forget an earring.

The following morning, Laide’s forgotten earring would be the cause of another argument between Mr. and Mrs. David’s uncle, all the way from their big home in the old-money section of the Magodo residential area to the Third Mainland Bridge where the missus would demand to be let out as soon as she discovers a shiny piece of condom wrapper. The letters ‘G’, ‘O’, ‘L’ and half a ‘D’ are usually not so upsetting – they are however printed on a maroon background in the same colour as the height of David’s excitement.

David’s uncle wouldn’t have been excited about David using his new Mercedes S550 for intimate purposes but the smile on Laide’s face when a classy car had picked her up and parked at the dark end of a quiet street would have melted his old heart. With only a little seduction, as prescribed by David’s friends, Laide’s purple panties had obeyed gravity.

Laide had asked David to turn on the air conditioner but David had immediately claimed that he liked things hot and steamy. Actually, he had been as uncomfortable as Laide but he was conserving some fuel for the drive back home. He had spent the last Thousand Naira in his wallet buying canned percentages at a supermarket down the road from where he picked the girl and he would have had an extra Five Hundred Naira if she had not wanted Fox biscuits. There was just enough gas in the car to get him home without alerting the gas-level warning lights and his uncle’s car, as his uncle always boasted had never had reason to complain about insufficient petrol. It would have been unwise to leave evidence of his indiscretion in so obvious a manner.

It had been somewhat tricky too, the sex, partly because it was David’s first time and because sedan manufacturers apparently do not make allowances for such adventures in their schematics. Laide, as a result, had endured several head bumps to the rhythm of Ice Prince’s not so intelligent music that was coming from the disc player. She had also braved leather seat burns, and general postural discomfort but thankfully, it had been over in four minutes, thirty three seconds. She had confirmed this from the dashboard – David had started grunting on her at exactly sixteen minutes past six and the car had stopped heaving at exactly twenty minutes past six. He’d wiped the retarded look off his face and stopped his “aaaaaaaah” in thirty three seconds –  the clock had showed thirty-four in green immediately he’d stopped spraying the smell of cheap beer in her face.

The most important thing is that about two hours later, when Laide gets back to her cramped room in Unilag, she would have the singular pleasure of telling Vanessa, Seun, Fatima and some random girl that came into the room with Fatima that she has just been fucked in her boyfriend’s S-Class, somehow forgetting that David has never asked her to be his girlfriend and he has never expressly claimed ownership of the car.

On getting home, David would give a status report to Femi and Tolu, his friends, via SMS. Femi wouldn’t reply because he doesn’t think much of the occurrence but Tolu would send his congratulations and also contact Femi. They would discuss David’s recent luck and share a joke about Laide, the plain girl they had encouraged David to talk at some boring party the previous week. They would more so, find wickedly hilarious David’s choice of music. They would then make plans to attend a very lecherous event in the weekend to come, one David’s pocket or personality cannot afford. They don’t even think to invite David. They would shout Magikshun at the same time and burst into laughter again before hanging up. Magician is a peculiar song by Ice Prince, David’s ballad of choice.

Femi would  send a text message almost immediately after the conversation, bragging very casually that he would be attending the event with Vicky, and Tolu, not to be outdone, would let Femi know that he has made plans with Vicky’s less beautiful but still attractive friend, Ginika. Tolu would remember how at the party where he had found Laide for David, he had also found Vicky for himself, but Femi had usurped him. Tolu had, as a result switched over to Ginika and they’d gone back to his place that night. After all their years as friends, he still wasn’t ready to get used to the idea that whenever his taller, richer, better looking friend was around, he was destined to get the second best girl. Femi would control everything wherever they went, from the labels they drank to the time they went home even if he wasn’t financially responsible. If Femi was having a bad night, nobody could have a good one and if he was enjoying himself, he didn’t care about them. Tolu didn’t mind though because Femi, who loved being the center of attraction, was also always the entertainment and even though he charmed all the girls, he couldn’t take them all home. The second best girl would settle for the second best guy as well.

David’s uncle investigations would eventually lead to David.

Femi, without consulting Tolu, would invite David for the party the following week when he realizes that the Mercedes would be much better transport than his Chrysler car which is undergoing repairs and might not be ready in time. Unfortunately, David’s uncle is not as careless with his car keys as he once was but Femi cannot withdraw the invitation. The trio, with their dates would attend the party in Tolu’s uninspiring Toyota. Femi would drive and Tolu would be co-pilot. David would uncomfortably sit in the middle of three almost naked girls.

And they would all have a good time until Vicky leaves Femi when she  discovers two pretty friends in the entourage of a local celebrity. Femi would try to displace Tolu but Ginika and is very content with her just tall enough, just rich enough, just handsome enough man.

In thirty minutes, Femi would be dancing with Laide and David would be left to the awkward task of pretending to have fun all by himself.


Power & Respect


Disclaimer: All ideas expressed herein, are solely based on the writer’s opinions and experience. You Do NOT have to agree, in fact, your disagreement and personal opinions are much welcome in the comments section. I would love to hear them. *Snickers*

OK. So I hear this is very respectable ground, and I will do my best not to sully it with my… whatever it is I have that could possibly sully up a nice blog like this. I’m supposed to talk about power and respect in relationships, although with my Forever Alone status, you might be a bit hard pressed to believe me. To make it easier for you, I have decided to use an everyday analogy that will put what I’m saying into context:

The Power Holding Company of Nigeria (PHCN.)

Yes. Your relationship with PHCN is the ultimate example of power and respect in a relationship. Still don’t understand? I’ll explain.

See, I often hear that in a relationship there has to be one domineering partner and then the other one. Now, do you feel like your partner is currently holding all the power in your relationship? (Power Holding. Get it now? Huh? Yes? No? Oh.) Well, a girl can try. 😥 OK, let me give you a scenario where you can see this display of power holding and utter lack of disrespect.


It’s the big El Clasico game. You’ve gathered all your buddies and the beer is free-flowing. It’s a wonderful evening. Now, Messi has just tackled C. Ronaldo and is gunning towards Casillas. You can tell that if he makes this goal, it will go down in the annals of history. The room is quiet, all eyes are glued to the TV, the glass of beer is sweating in your hands as your heartbeat is reaching quickstep tempo. Your mouth is hanging open, and Messi kicks the ball hard and it’s heading to the goal post almost as fast as a bullet and suddenly…

Ahhh!!! Won ti mu ina lo!

If that ain’t power holding and disrespect at its utmost, I don’t know what is.

Now, if your relationship feels like that, it’s unhealthy. A PHCN-consumer relationship is not the way forward. You know how even your kind-hearted-gentle-wouldn’t-hurt-a-fly grandmother becomes a foul-mouthed, evil monster, whose tongue would rival a sailor’s in cussing, when it comes to cases of PHCN. Yeah. That’s what I’m talking about. This kind of relationship will quickly turn resentful, if it hasn’t already. Especially if you’re not the PHCN in the relationship. That one is just the height. Your partner will literally be taking your light every time, leaving you in darkness. We all know how that feels especially when you need that light to iron your shirt for work tomorrow.

Even the people at PHCN hate PHCN. PHCN probably hates itself. It’s an insecure company, preying on the weakness of a people that have almost no choice in the matter. Lucky for you, you have more degrees of freedom in your relationship. (If you don’t, there is a BIG problem.) Now, you’re reading this and you’re wondering “Is my partner a power holder? Does (s)he continually disrespect me?” You want to know if your partner has the PHCN-Syndrome. I will give you some classic signs of the PHCN-Syndrome.

  • If your partner is constantly trying to make you look bad so that they can look good, they probably have PHCN-Syndrome.
  • If they have violent mood swings, (you know, one minute low current, another minute high current until they burn all your appliances,) PHCN-Syndrome right thurr.
  • If your partner is rude, shows up at the wrongest time (see above scenario,) stingy, and always disgracing you, and does this constantly, hate to break it to you, but your partner is suffering from classic PHCN-Syndrome.

Needless to say, you need to leave this relationship. FAST. It is a breeding ground for life’s mosquitoes. Trust me; you DO NOT want life’s mosquitoes.

What you want is a relationship like the one between you and Google. Now, we all know that relationship isn’t perfect, but that’s OK because nothing is perfect. More often than not, Google is reliable, highly knowledgeable, a great listener, and most of all, your friend. Let me elucidate.


You’re in school, and midterms are around the corner. You know you should study and you will! Just as soon as you finish the entire season of Game of Thrones. And that party on Friday at Lekan’s private beach house. Of course, Saturday is no good because you have to rest and then, Sunday you go to church. Sunday evening, you realize you are dead. 70 pages of required reading, you’re still on the acknowledgements. Then, it hits you – Google it, baby! Result? A.

This is what I mean. Your Google relationship is fun, exciting, and you learn something new every day. Your partner is more than fine with letting you take the spot light sometimes and then picking up the slack when you’re too tired to care. As long as you have a Google account with good privacy settings, this relationship is long term. And respect? How can respect not grow in such an environment? There’s happiness, love, friendliness. I would love to talk more, but I’m only being paid to talk about power and respect.

By the time there is a power tussle in a relationship, things are ALREADY going downhill. Don’t be with someone that will disrespect you and won’t let your light shine. Don’t try to lord it over your partner. For the men, this is the 21st century; there can be respect without all that “I’m the man of the house” type-a thing. If you don’t respect yourself, it really is hard for anyone to respect you. You should be comfortable, and able to discuss whatever, without feeling like you’ll be put down.

And if you’re still with your PHCN partner, for some reasons I cannot even begin to understand, and you still want to be in such a relationship… you might need a generator. I’m NOT advising you to cheat. I’m just saying… you might need a generator.

Special thanks to Beauty, my muse extraordinaire.


Le Début De Sexe

The question that goes through most girls minds, I’m sure. To shag on the first date or not?

Some mates and I had this discussion while slightly inebriated and though there were filthy jokes cracked, when I woke up the next day with a teensy weensy hangover and thought about it, I think we weren’t so far off point.

When to have sex? The first date, the ubiquitous third date, whenever we feel like it, or when we’re in an exclusive relationship and/or married?

So the first date went well. The food was great (or movie or whatever it is we got up to), the conversation flowed wonderfully, we are slightly buzzing and he’s about to drop me off at home (or we’re thinking of sharing a cab). Then the question goes through my mind – should I reply his invitation to go back to his with a yes or should I just go home?

My mates and I had different opinions about this. Some felt, sod it. Go for it on the first date. Others, not so much. Best to tackle the varying opinions one after the other.

Firstly, those that thought marriage – none. I mean, come on, maybe we’re too modern or too carefree but I don’t think anyone still goes into marriages as virgins. Maybe they do, but I’m fairly certain it’s very rare. Of course there are girls that pretend to be virgins and want to keep it till marriage. Then lie that their hymens were ruptured during sports or some excuse of that sort. How pointless, like he will still get the D from somewhere else while you’re guarding your precious (Gollum voice). And I’m not saying this because I believe guys are horny beasts. Well…they are *chuckle* but it’s just their nature. Men think of and require (I guess) sex. Even girls…but it’s been sort of hammered into us so much that it’s become a part of us – sex is important for guys and not so much for girls…if you know what I mean.

Those that thought exclusive relationships – very few. Life isn’t how it was back in secondary school. Then we were actually asked ‘Do you want to go out with me?’ Or ‘Do you want to be my girlfriend?’ Heck, hardly anyone goes ‘Let’s make this exclusive’ anymore. It sort of seamlessly slides into exclusivity from fafferage or fun. So majority of us thought, how on earth would you know that you’re having sex now that it’s exclusive when it might still be ‘fun’ for the guy? Except if the girl actually goes, ‘Oi, is this exclusive now?’ Then it might not be clear. I guess as long as the girl believes that she’s in some sort of proper relationship she won’t feel guilty or naughty. As incredible as this sounds, a lot of girls feel this way. Especially Nigerian girls. This way, even if their ‘gist’ spreads, they can say they only ‘did it’ while in proper or serious relationships.


Those that thought third dates – a lot. Even the lads. I guess this is because it’s like some unwritten rule. Don’t have sex till the third date. This way, you don’t seem like a slag by giving it up the first day and by the third you think the guy likes your company enough to have wanted to see you three times hence shagging him won’t stop him from wanting to see you again.

Those that thought first date – very few. Yup, not surprising right? Well, what’s the point waiting till the second or third or tenth date? If you like him and there’s chemistry why not open wide and enjoy some good old pummelling? Maybe because he’ll think you’re definitely A SLAG and won’t call you again since he’s gotten what he really wanted at the end of the day so why waste time and effort and money treating you to something/somewhere nice on another date? On the other hand, if he truly likes you then it doesn’t matter if you lot shag on the first date or not. He’ll still call you. There are some that keep their legs closed till the 70th date (if he lasts that long). ‘Let me tell you something, hun. If he just wants to fuck he’s willing to wait no matter how long.’ That’s what a mate said. And it’s true. There are some lads that will wait for months for sex and once they get it they’re off. It’s patience, really. And it becomes a sort of game for them. Don’t think holding out will make him fall in love with you, only God knows what’s going on in the chap’s mind and your holding out won’t change a thing. Except if he’s very traditional and if he is, then maybe he doesn’t want to ‘soil’ you and he’s getting it from somewhere else.

Ah, and there are those that feel having sex very early on is a determining factor in burgeoning relationships. Just imagine waiting for days then maybe really liking him/her then you lot finally shag. And he’s crap. Or she is. ‘Or he’s got a tiny cock’ (we all cackled here). Bummer, no?

Either way, this is a topic where people have set ideas on when it should be given up. It’s a topic that causes arguments or the standard ‘we’ll have to agree to disagree.’

My opinion is…well I bet you’d like to know which category I fall into *smirk*




Well, simples.

What Category do you fall into and what attitude do you have towards sex in relationships?

How much of it is needed, if any at all and why?

Kindly share your views using the comment box.