I think I’ll start off by giving the definitions of the three things I want to talk about:
I see Power as an attribute that allows you to influence people and/or outcomes to favor your desires.
The Ego is a sense of self esteem, or self worth. However, since this is Date Days 2, I’d like you to assume that my use of “Ego” here is synonymous with pride.
Respect is the feeling of admiration you have for someone or something.
Power comes in many forms, mostly physical and materialistic. These forms of power are truly advantageous, but I’m more interested in the mental and emotional form of power. You see, you could move people towards your goals by brute strength, or by using money but that is pure coercion. I believe there is greater power in having the genuine love and respect of others. They will bend to your will out of their own free will. Let’s transfer this thought into a relationship between two people. The power you have over someone else is yours simply because that person trusts you with his/her emotions.
Manipulating someone’s emotions is a blatant sign of weakness. Your partner is neither your property, nor your slave. Respect your partner, and more importantly, respect yourself. How you treat yourself plays a huge role in the way others treat you. Love yourself, but do not be self-absorbed to the degree that you’re blind to the feelings of your partner. Selfishness is an extension of the negativity of having a swollen ego. All you will end up doing is taking your partner for granted. Humble yourself and listen to your partner. Be patient. Be thoughtful. Try and put yourself in that person’s shoes all in your attempt to understand him/her.
Respect also has a lot to do with self-restraint. Not everyone is an open book; respect people’s space and their right to privacy. Better still, respect people by leaving them alone especially when you know you know you aren’t what they need/want. Be honest with yourself at all times, and try to differentiate between offenses to your ego and those to your person.
It takes a lot of time and patience to get to know someone first, talk more of accepting them for who they are. It also takes humility to respect people’s habits. It’s also a sign of strength of character when you refrain from the guilt trips, the emotional blackmail et al. Everyone has something to offer, and it’s pure arrogance to think you’re better than your partner. Nobody knows it all. I mean, nobody’s perfect.
Don’t misunderstand me though. I’m not saying you should turn yourself into a doormat, or an emotional dustbin. If you’re constantly being maltreated, respect yourself and leave.
Reflect on these little questions:
Do you know what you want from your partner?
Have you ever manipulated your partner’s emotions?
To what degree does your pride affect your relationship with others?
Are you willing/ready to receive the same treatment you dish to your partner, or do you have a double standard?
Are you quick to be defensive when an issue arises? Are you quick to play the blame game?