The First Visit

@bule_jr: ok this wasn’t on the menu as well but I decided that it could fit the bill because many guys actually like to do this kind of paroles. Enjoy.

@O_Toby & @bule_jr

You have had that first date, it wasn’t bad but you know it could have been better.

You have sweet-talked your way into seeing her yet again as you will like to make amends but this time instead of going out, you offer a chilled day at home and ‘surprisingly’, she agrees.

The first visit is your second chance to make a first impression if you already haven’t or win her over for the second time but this time ‘Permanently’ ! I always put more effort into visit like this particular one.


Because she is coming into your abode and she will make all her conclusions about you from the scent of your flat to your personal hygiene.

She is going to want to fill in any gaps that she couldn’t on that first date.

I am not saying you should completely go out of character but a certain part of your *natural cool A-Game* MUST surface.

Women in our time certainly don’t like to be freaked out, so you must avoid things that ought to be romantic but a little bit too much.

What am I on about?

Decorating your bed with rose petals, candles lite all over, and a funny scent from those wall fresheners (the worst).

I mean your not trying to propose to her or make a baby. Keep it simple and real.

I always start my preparation with fresh sheets, what happens if she decides to sleep over and you have sheets from two fortnights ago? Surely she won’t return.

Next off, is making sure your wardrobe is in order, trust me they love to have a sneak peek at what your collection looks like and how tidy it is. The room in general has to look sane enough to get you a chance of scoring(if that’s your plan though).

While I advise you to focus on your room, don’t loose attention of other areas (esp the bathroom, kitchen and sitting area)

Now, she rings the bell. This is your home, so you can’t be dressed like your about stepping to a club or a dinner. I usually go for casual jeans or three-quarters and a t-shirt.

You welcome her, show her round and take her to the living room. (NOT THE BEDROOM).

The usual courtesy should follow, do you want something to drink?, have you eaten? Etc. The answer is almost always NO, but be prepared!

Its your place and she’s new to it. So making her feel comfortable is your role. Engage her in a conversation or watch something funny.

Its always easier when you don’t think of scoring!

Time passes and her tummy rumbles, you might have made food b4 her arrival, but where’s the fun in that? Cooking together brings you closer,even if you are absolutely crappy at it. You cut the onions while she blends, she teases, you laugh…… (Get our picture now?)

At this point you both are comfortable, share a glass of wine, laugh some more and the night might just begin.


This is a more familiar kind of parole for naija people abi? Albeit for completely different reasons. You see as I didn’t call it ‘date’ abi? Yes na PAROLES.

I know for a fact that if the other person can feel very comfortable with you alone, it brings a lot of dimensions into the whole thing.

As long as you don’t go overboard with this, trust me you CANNOT go wrong.

So guys and girls, how do you plan for the first visit ey?

What goes through your minds before a first visit?

Assume that you are both the visiter and the visitee on this one.

Use the comment box and share your stories.

P.S There will be a mystery guest blogger at 1.30pm today.

Anyone that can guess correctly who that person is and tweets #datedaysfreebie at me will get something from me. 😀


it starts tomorrow at 10am

it starts tomorrow at 10am

Girls’ Talk

@bule_jr: Well, the success of date days always meant many surprises and non-scripted things will happen.
My friend gave me a vivid description of how girls act after a first date which is a continuation of the post this morning. I decided to share with you all too.


I look down at my phone and hiss as I see who is calling; can’t this dude just take a hint and leave me the hell alone? I’ve been ignoring his calls all morning and he keeps calling me. I push the phone to one corner of my bed and turn back to my friends sitting in different positions on the carpet in my room.

Funke: you’ve been ignoring this call all morning, who is it? A new stalker?

Ada: I bet it’s a guy you’ve given green light and now you’re dodging, you better answer your phone.

I think for a minute before I say anything because even though these are my best friends, we had never really supported blind dates and they would so laugh at me when they find out how the date went. But I’m dying to tell someone and let out all the anger inside me so I start my story.

I tell them how a guy in my office hooked me up with his friend and how we hadn’t even been chatting that much on bbm because we were so busy with work. So he asked if I wanted to meet up and talk one on one so we can get to know each other.

Funke: na wa for you oh and you couldn’t even tell us.

Ada: wait jor, let her finish the story

I can’t believe he actually kept me waiting that long; 2 hours….2 freaking hours! Who does that? At first waiting was cool because I saw an old secondary school mate at the mall waiting to see a movie, so we started catching up but then when she went in for her movie I looked at my watch and realized more than an hour had gone by. Plus I’m starving, where the hell is this dude?

Me: Babes I will never forget the dark cloud that passed over me when I finally saw him in person, the dude said he was average height, average my ass, my friend you are short! SHORT!

Ada: Forget the height, was he cute?

Me: Yeah he was definitely cute, nice eyes, nice hair and a very charming smile.

Funke: why do I sense a “but” coming?

Me: Probably because he dint even have the nerve to apologize for being late. This dude actually looked at me smiled and said you have very sexy legs. What happened to “you look very nice” or “you look very pretty”?

Ada: *laughing* next time u won’t wear a short dress on a first date, since u started It by flaunting your legs, he completed it by telling u how sexy they are.

Me: After we ordered drinks, I started the conversation by asking him to tell me more about himself while looking at the food menu. If this dude was 5ft 4inches in physical height, his pride and ego definitely gave him 12 extra inches.

He talked about how he’s the only child and how his father is the something something of some governor of some state; he lived abroad for about 8 years and came home to work because his mother kept begging him to come back. He is still trying to adjust to the weather in Nigeria even though! He’s been back for almost 3years.

Babes I have no idea how the topic got to how his ex girlfriends stalk him and want him back at all cost? I must have dozed off at some point.

By now Funke and Ada were rolling with laughter while I’m trying not to get angry at them, if the story had been someone else’s experience, I would be laughing my ass off as well.

Funke: At least you got to eat free food right? I mean you guys were in Bella Roma and the food there is wonderful.

Me: I wish! After staring at the menu for a long time, I noticed that he wasn’t making any attempt to order anything. So I decided to fall my own hand and say, it’s getting late we should probably order before it gets late. He said “Oh I had a big lunch with some of my friends at southern sun so I’m good but you can order whatever you want”

At this point Ada was laughing so hard she had tears running down her face. Funke on the other hand had a shocked look on her face for about 2 seconds before she burst out laughing as well.

Me: I mean did he really expect me to order while he watches me eat and probably curses me in his mind? The dude is so wrapped up in tales about himself that he doesn’t even notice that I’m looking at my watch like every 2 minutes. I thought it was girls who talked too much?

Ada: Please tell me he at least dropped you at home in his nice car

Me: That was the plan at first but I refused oh. I thank God I carried vex money because if I had to listen to any more of his stories in the car on the way home, I’d have pulled my hair out in agony. The silly boy did not even refuse when I offered to take a cab to relieve him of the traffic on the way to my house.

Ada: So I’m guessing you are not planning to give him a second chance?

Me: Hell no!!! I never want to see him again, infact no more blind dates for me

Funke: Well look on the bright side, if you ever need to commit suicide, you can jump from his the height of his ego to his physical height.

We all burst out laughing as I threw a pillow at her head…..

Anyway this was just an extra piece to add to date days and is a vivid description of how girls react to bad dates.

Yes they chat with friends and Gossip a bit.

Ladies why is this so? Must every experience be delved into by your friends?

Guys beware oh, your matter will be heavily analyzed if you screw up and if you do good as well. Don’t be fooled.

Happy and sad to say that datedays will be ending tomorrow with 2(possibly 3 posts).

Glad to have had you all for the ride.

See you at 9am tomorrow.



Hello people.

We so far have discussed about the things that go on before dates, the perfect and not so perfect dates.

Hope you have learnt something. (If yes, you owe me money).

Today we have a brief recess and i just want to ask you one question.

What are the 5 things that are key for you on a date?

You know, the things you Really look forward to when going for one.

I got 4 friends of mine to answer this question just to give us all a head start and here is what they had to say.


A lot of things are important to look out for. But these 5 are key.

1. She must have a sense of humour.: I’m not looking for a comedian or anything. But a girl should be able to understand a joke.., a pun, sarcasms and intelligent banters. Even if she does all the receiving, so far she understands.

2. She should speak well. Good tenses and all. You know the drill.

3. Very hygenic. I’m a sucked for hygiene. She must be clean. Clean nails. Clean shoes. Clean teeth. Lol.
I hate underarm sweat patches. Its a major turn off.

4. confidence is a major turn on. A confident girl has my attention already. Confidence that doesn’t turn into pride. Her mannerisms. Her words. Her posture should reek of confidence.

5. This one is personal to me. I like people who don’t take themselves too seriously. Cos I don’t. If a girl has that ability, she has my attention already. A girl who can laugh at herself is a winner.


5 things that are a necessity for me on a date (both the guy and the date)

1) A (good looking) guy i like or atleast can tolerate ( i mean thats the only way i can eat my free food in peace :oI )

2) More often than not, i like doing fun activities with whoever im on a date with .. not just eating and watching movies;that gets boring.

3)this is linked to the guy …. he must be able to hold interesting and intelligent conversations; i really hate long awkward silences so he must be able to ensure that those don’t come up.

4) I wouldn’t get mad if he gets me a little gift :o) *whispers* tennis bracelet

5) last but not the least , he must smell nice.. i LOVE LOVE LOVE guys that smell nice.. he’ll probably wonder why im clinging on to him so much ; might even get a little frightened by me but a lovely masculine fragrance goes a looong way for me *swoons*


5 things I look forward to on a date…..

1) Appearance – his dressing, haircut, his perfume, tiny details like dirty or long nails, efo in between his teeth n most especially his SHOES…

2) Confidence: I am attracted to confident guys, once u can pull this off without looking or sounding cocky and arrogant. As well as being comfortable in your own skin without over-fronting for instance trying to phonerize and u mix up both BrE AmE with your shitta accent…….Disaster!

3) Communication – of course, ability to keep engaging me in interesting conversations. Without asking “so what’s up?” Severally! Also, on first dates I love to take a back seat and give him his first 15minutes of fame and observe a lot about him from what he will say (2 minutes is enough for me to do that tho but….).

4) Venue – I can judge a lot about him from the venue he picks. Because I lose my appetite when I am out, restaurants won’t be an ideal venue for a first date for me. But I will pardon if he chooses to eat tho…but it has to be classy! No KFC, TFC, SFC, Iya Ibadan etc…But, I would prefer he is creative on the venue…penthouse, Boatcruise, a lawn-tennis duel etc anything but Food!

5) Simplicity — Despite the fact I sound crazy most of the time, I am just a simple down to earth chick! Simplicity is the key. Keep it simple but not “Tacky”. That is spanning through the points above…simple dressing ( not puting on a necklace n rings like omatta men in onitsha main market), simple conversations (don’t try to sound like a professor yet still don’t sound like a dummy) etc. simple as wearing a smile…they actually relax your date!

FYI…if everything works out perfectly on the first date…I shall reward him with a KISS! I am not greedy even the Bible recommends it!


My Top 5 requirements on a dat would, in no particular order, be

1. Mutual Attraction
This is most important for me… (I know I said in no particular order, but yeah, whareva!) If there are no feelings at stake, and it def has to be on both sides, then it’s not a date, we’re just friends hanging out. Doesn’t necessarily have to be romantic though, but it must be relationship-building (which is originally supposed to be the whole point of dates).

2. It has to be Just Us.
That might seem to go without saying but in my opinion, a date is meant to be relationship-building, and I obviously mean a romantic relationship. Three is no longer a date, a double-date is just four friends who also happen to be two couples hanging out together. Two is the number.

3. Money
Yup! Owo, Kudi, Ego, Mullah mehn! If it isn’t costing someone something, it ain’t a date. If one of y’all goes to check the other out at home or the office, y’all jus hanging out.

4. Other people
So This will sound weird. But i Love a date to be in The midst of people and we can just disappear in the crowd and just enjoy each other’s company without the risk of us being tempted to let things get out of hand. 😀

5. Vex money
I’ve come to associate this with smart, and in some cases, even considerate women. A good woman would look out for her man, even if he’s got it all sorted out. Asking to pay for one thing or the other (Ask o! No be by force, ms Independent!) sends him (usually) very good vibes about you. Plus a correct guy would (politely) turn you down. And there’s nothing wrong with a dude accepting either, if he really needs the assist (abeg troway that stupid pride jarey), as long as he’s shown previously and consistently that on a good day, he can represent.

Interesting right.

Now tell us what your own important points are?

Don’t just agree with any of the people above, do share your own.

Remember Just 5 things that are important to you.

Share your own Preferences in the comment box.

Tomorrow, Normal lectures will resume on date days at 9am.

Till then


Awkward Dates 2

@bule_jr: Hello. Hope you are having a blissful weekend.
Today we are going to allow the Ladies tell us awkward moments that they have had on dates as well. Enjoy


“I’m still waiting.” I said to the waiter for the umpteenth time, as he came to stand beside my table with a menu yet again.

He gave me a knowing look, and then returned to his spot behind the pillar closest to the entrance, probably awaiting the arrival of more promising customers.

Sighing, I finally gave in and glanced at the clock on my phone screen. Thirty minutes?! I could feel my eyes pop out, like in those cartoons where they just detach themselves from their sockets. I finally understood why the waiter was on my case, and why he’d had that stupid look on his face. Thirty minutes wasn’t beans.

I began to regret spending all that valuable time fussing over what to wear, my hair, my makeup, and all that other stuff. If someone had told me ahead of time that I’d be sitting at a table in Barcelos alone for the better part of my date, I honestly wouldn’t have bothered. But, of course, there’s never anyone to tell you, is there?

So, there my primped-up self sat, alone and hungry. I sent him another IM asking where he was. The message soon returned a ‘D’, but an ‘R’ remained elusive. My tummy making unpleasant sounds, and the last bits of hope and patience fleeing my body, I decided to order. Thank God for vex money, I thought to myself as the waiter eagerly responded to my summon.

Minutes later, I was greedily devouring my chicken and chips when someone walked up to my table and cleared his throat. I looked up into the smiling face of my ‘date’. Thank God I was holding that chicken, or I would’ve smacked all that ridiculous cheer off his face.

“Dude, you’re late.”

“Am i?” I hated that cheerful tone in his voice. “Am I really?”

“Of course you are!” I all but growled. “Shey it’s 1:30 we agreed to meet?!”

He was so calm; I really just wanted to hurt him. “Yes. And what time is I now?”

“It’s 2:23! You’re almost an hour late!”

“2:23 ke?” he glanced at his watch. “Babe, it’s 1:22.”

“Which rotten 1:22?” I pulled out my phone again.

And then it hit me. I’d done a hard reset on my phone that morning, and set the time by the DsTV decoder time without thinking.

All the blood in my body literally rushed to my face.

He just stood there smiling. Bastid.



It seems the instructions were not understood yesterday so I won’t give any today.

Ever gone out and not been able to pay up afterwards?

Ever had diarrhea on a date? (-_-)

Any funny stories let us lighten up abit.

EVERYONE, Share the awkward moments that you have had on a date. Or any story that you have heard before.


P.S tomorrow’s post will go up at 7a.m.

Day 6

Day 6

Awkward Dates

@bule_jr: We have been a bit serious on the first 4 date days and we discussed what happens before a first date and the ideas behind a perfect first date from both sexes.

Today let’s get a little humour as we look at what happens when a date goes horribly wrong for a guy. Enjoy.


The perfect date.
What the hell is a perfect date? I think 1/1/11 will qualify. No? My bad.

I was approached by @bule_jr and given a rundown on his desire to put up a series of posts on what constitutes a perfect date and how it plays out. Unfortunately for you dear reader and me the pathetic writer, I have had very few dates and they were far from perfect so welcome to #TeamScrewPerfectDates.

I’m a guy (the last time I checked I.e just now, grabbing my balls) and I’m going to just vent on here about how frustrating dates can be especially when you expect them to go all fairy tale-like. I’m sure my brothers will feel me on this one and my cute sisters will take a cue or two.

DISCLAIMER: what you are about to read are figments of my imagination. Similarities to real life occurrences are purely coincidental. No one, I repeat NO ONE should assume or accuse the writer of first hand experience of the scenarios listed. I’m a boss! Enough Said!

So finally, I had succeeded in getting Halima to go on a date with me. I mean, if you know what I went through. The regular calls, the sending of credit (come to think of it, I was just sending her credit like a fool, who was she calling?) I had gone to visit her at work with a lunch pack and also at home on sunday after service with yet another lunch pack. It was on this occasion that I had asked if she would love to go on a date with me…

*sidebar* SelahPoint1 : can you be dating someone you haven’t gone on a date with?

Well, she said yes and my troubles began.

Ha! Halima said YES Winning!!! And then it hit me, I hadn’t thought of where I was taking her. In the period of ‘toasting’, I had bought her enough take-away stuff from most eateries, so that wasn’t gonna fly.

Meanwhile, sisters, the answer to the question “Do you want me to get you anything?” Isn’t Yes!
Actually, its a rhetorical question. Do NOT answer but if you have to, NO is what we want to hear!

*sidebar* SelahPoint 2: Guys, a date doesn’t mean let’s go and eat!

Eventually, I decided to take Halima to GET Arena, have some go – kart sessions, head over to GDC to see a movie and then crown it with dinner. It seemed like the perfect plan to sweep any girl off her feet.

D – day arrives, “This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad at the end of it”. This was my quick morning prayer. I had spoken to Halima the night before and she kept referring to how she was looking forward to our ‘first date’ as if I didn’t know that she was codedly telling me “its too late to turn back now!” I hadn’t told her my plans so all was well. Being a very detailed person, I had counted the cost of this date package..let me just say that if I were to walk past any bank after this date, their security alarms would naturally be triggered..I was going to get a room at BrokeBack street. However, Halima was worth it, we would just stay away from outings till further dates (pun intended)

Finding what to wear wasn’t hard. Thank God that there really isn’t much noticeable difference with clean and dirty jeans and I had my ever reliable and Clean Polo casual shirt. Threw on my suede loafers, dabbed on my Davidoff ‘cool water’ and I was good to go. Looking like a couple thousand naira, I left my crib, I felt like I was floating with each step..ha! Halima will hear it today!

Then it hit me!

I had to go get her! Choi! This means cab fare as omo boy doesn’t have a personal car I was at Ikeja, there she was at Shomolu and we were headed to V.I. What was I thinking? Oh then again, I wasn’t thinking! This is where money begins to go and the excitement I started the day with began to dwindle.

I got to hers and you know now, she wasn’t fully ready. This means Oga Lanre (the cabbie) had to wait for a while. This wasn’t funny.

Halima stays with her family so I had to be the proper gentleman and wait in the lobby while she got ready. My mind was calculating figures, my body was figuring out calculations and interpreting the result in sweat and a heightened urge to pee. I made my way to the loo and refreshingly let go…”Ahhhh, relief”, dangled a couple of times and Zipped “AAAARRRGGGHHH” pain!

*sidebar* SelahPoint 3: Guys, always completely tuck in Mr LongJohnBlack before zipping up!

Halima looked good! Damn! Those jeans seemed like a second skin and they did flatter her assets. Her polo shirt had the first 3 buttons undone giving me a glimpse of those “ehen! Why you dey look me? I go wound your eye” boobies! X_x

Long story short, I had to part with 3k for Oga Lanre for the trip and just as I (being a gentleman) came down to open Halima’s door (It couldn’t open from inside actually), a passing danfo bus decided to zoom through a puddle of water and Voila! My jeans took on an instant polka dot design. I just smiled at Halima and said “its ok” while inside I cursed deeply.

*sidebar* SelahPoint 4: Guys, Nigerian women don’t need you to open doors for them. Except the door has ‘special’ opening methods!

Go – Karting was fun until Halima constantly rammed me off the track. Oh no! I’m a boss, you don’t do that! I rammed into her just once and..emm…her kart kinda tumbled and it just seemed like something out of the Humpty Dumpty poem. She had a small ‘coco’ on her head..I don’t think telling her it looked sexy made matters better.

Movie time and we decided to see ‘Couples Retreat’. I mean such a perfect movie for our first date. She requested for the jumbo popcorn and coke meal, choi!! My a/c balance was refreshing in my head..”this is not good” I thought to myself.

As the movie progressed, I decided to practice all I’d learnt watching movies, place your hand over her seat, draw nearer , nibble on her neck and then lean in for the kiss. I was about to lean in when I was tapped from behind “Psst…my little boy is here with me, please respect yourselves!” I turned and saw an elderly woman and her kid staring at us like my mum does when she gives you the “I’m going to mess you up today” look.

*sidebar* SelahPoint 5: Guys, ensure you seat at ‘sin zone’ if you plan on cinema mischief. SinZone is the last row of seats!

I can’t even remember what the movie was about. I was sulking throughout, watching as other couples around snuggled in to each other and stuff. Mtscheeew. Why do they allow kids into cinemas sef? And Halima just had to say “he’s such a cute kid” The little Hell spawn!

Well, I was kinda hoping that the jumbo popcorn meal will suffice for dinner so I asked as we exited the cinema, “are we still doing dinner dear?” Of course, she says. Damn! I mutter. Lucky for us, dinner was still going to be at the Palms, so I ask again “what would you like to have?” At this point, I was expecting the humble “anything” answer but NO! Halima surely wanted me to remember this date. She says “can we do chinese?”
CHINESE? Who is that? Is it a new type of jollof rice? Oh Lord! I understand how Jesus felt when He said “it is finished!”

Trying my best to make this a perfect date, I obliged, with my chin up “No problem”. We go in, sit and the menu is before us. Halima scans through and selects item no 26. I quickly scroll to the price, its 4k..My brain automatically whispers “that’s two cartons of Indomie noodles and some spaghetti” SHIT! Then she asks “aren’t you going to order?” Order ke! I flash her a smile, the waiter returns and I say “item no 26 for the lady and emm..a bottle of your coldest mineral for me thanks”

Halima did eat her full, and I somehow expertly made sure my drink lasted the whole duration of the dinner. I had excused myself to go to the ATM and she reluctantly allowed after I dropped my BlackBerry as ‘collateral’ (curve 2 is still more than 4k). My a/c balance was N6026.00, I withdrew 4k to add to the 2k I had with me.
I paid for the meal and we left. Halima linked her hand with mine as we strutted out to the car park and i felt on top of the world! We got a cab without much stress and the journey home began.

Halima was quiet all through and had her face away from me. Choi! Me that had planned to at least get some mouth action here in the backseat.

As a bad guy, I leaned in, All of a sudden, I could have sworn I heard a mini trumpet sound…and then it came again in tiny short busts. I looked at Halima, she was sweating and sitting on one butt cheek. The stench in the car would have raised Lazarus. What the hell do they put in chinese food? The car reeked of a moi moi and egg. Thank God for traffic, the driver, cursing in yoruba came out of the car, I followed suit pretending to be scanning the extent of the traffic.

No kisses, Running stomachs, Coco to the head, depleted funds, Polka dotted jeans and two embarassed people that just wanted the day to end doesn’t quite paint the picture of a perfect date, yeah?

*sidebar* SelaHpoint 6: The relationship isn’t built on the success of a date but on the comfort of both parties.

Halima and i had a lot to laugh about afterwards when we relieved the days events. It didn’t turn out how I had planned but we now know the importance of Mama Puts and simple eatery take-aways.

Dates may go the way you planned but they will always just be numbers on a calendar! The connection the people have makes the experience timeless!

Its yóur boy keLvin…
This is a bit different from what we have been having on here but its needed.
Let’s tone it down a bit.

Today we are discussing awkward moments that guys have had on dates and all of us can testify to having something just not go right on a date. Right?

Let’s the guys just share the awkward moments that they have had on dates.

Ladies tell us also awkward moments your boyfriends, brothers, cousins or roommates boyfriend have had. DO NOT share your own……. Just Yet. Tomorrow you all will share yours.
Just share and laugh with/at us as you please. We shall do same to y’all tomorrow.

This really should be fun.

Use the comment box and have a go with this.


Day 5

Day 5

Perfect First Date 2

@bule_jr: Yesterday, @thetoolsman showed us what an ‘ideal’ date looks and feels like from a guys perspective.
Today the girls are going to let us into their own idea of a ‘Perfect First Date’. Enjoy


I have never been on a date.

Dang! What an opener! Too bad I can’t use it truthfully. When ‘Baba Blue’ asked me to write this, I quickly checked the dictionary to make sure I could start with that but according to (A date is a social appointment engagement or occasion arranged beforehand with another person. So all em movies, hook ups and ‘just hangin’ count as dates. Bleh), i have been on a date.

But then there are dates and there are dates.

Seeing as this isn’t my blog, I’ll try to minimize the ranting (I seem to be in the mood lately yeah?) so we’ll leave the dates versus dates issue for another day.

Ok so. The perfect first date. Let’s see.
We’ll run over a few things before i describe the date and I’ll still be carrying on heavy commentary in between.

It has to be with someone I like. As far as i’m concerned, a date is more about the company than the actual event. That’s the major reason I’ve spent many a valentine’s day alone. Again, rant for another day but like I said the person is very important. We’ll refer to him as the ‘dater’ and me, the ‘datee’.

For me, besides the physical qualities and all, the dater’s gotta have some mystery. We probably talk on the phone and all but I don’t want to have him totally figured before the first date. There’s just something totally hot about wondering what’s going on behind those eyes and that lazy smile.

Now let’s talk about location. This is extremely important. If you’re like me and have a reputation to protect (I swear I do!), then there are some places you wouldn’t be caught dead at with certain kinds of people. So if you haven’t met the guy then don’t agree on a venue till he picks you up. That way you can assess the ‘situation’ (his appearance and level of decorum) properly and know what restaurant fits. This may seem a little snobbish but believe me, it has saved me many a time from certain disaster. You do not want to walk into Orchid Bistro or La Saison on the arm of a sloppy scruffy looking dude. Trust me, you don’t.

If you’re meeting him up at the place then good luck, may the gods favor you. But settle on a place that’s not too high end and not to street either.

First impressions are very key. You agreed he’d pick you up at 5. Be ready at 4:55 but when he calls to say he’s downstairs, tell him you’ll be out in five minutes. You don’t want to appear eager. You don’t want to appear tardy either so make sure your five minutes is five minutes.

I walk confidently to the car (ignoring the butterflies in my stomach because i know he’s checking me out as i walk towards him) open it and get in. I smile and take him in. He looks like his voice; hot. Good. Plus his car’s also tidy. No half eaten Gala’s or empty plastic coke bottles in sight. Nice.

Note that I said get in, not climb in. I’ve actually seen chicks that climb into cars; not a pretty sight.

The theme of the car is Light; light music and light chit chat about the weather and our respective days. We’re still feeling each other out; getting comfortable.
We get to our destination, step out of the car and walk to the door. He opens it and holds it open for me to got through. At our table he holds out a chair for me and waits for me to sit before he sits.

Chi may be dead but at least his first cousin Courtesy is still alive, no? You won’t believe that I’ve actually been out with a guy who didn’t just let me open the door but actually went through while I held it open. First and last date. I agree with TheToolsman though, the dater doesn’t necessarily have to open the car door. It may seem planned and overly eager to please. But the entrance is a definite must.

We place our orders and wait while sipping our drinks and engaging in interesting conversation.

The order: I always like the dater to be involved in the ordering for two reasons. One, he can subtly steer us in the direction his pocket can handle so as to avoid any future embarrassing ‘run the card again’ moments. And two, there’s just something tasteful and classy about a man who knows his food. Plus it hot when he seems in charge; like he knows what he’s doing.

The conversation: This is the most important part of the evening. For me, versatility is key. Yes, you may be interested in me and want to have a relationship and yadi yadi but that should not be all you can talk about.

In fact, you shouldn’t talk about it at all!

Politics, general headlines, religion, fashion, arts, gadgets…general random stuff. We could get a bit personal (family background, education, etc) but not too personal. I do not want to know EVERYTHING about you. I also do not need the full details of your past, present and future love life or the fact that your mother has a dog fetish. Go figure.

Pace yourself, give me something to wonder about.

Listening is also very key. Both the dater and the datee need to listen to each other and not try to out talk the other.

Now don’t be afraid to admit when you don’t know something. If I make a comment about the unrest in Syria and you know nothing about it, it’s better to admit that you aren’t really following it than to make a comment like “I know right! Why won’t Gaddafi just step down?” You just lost major points.

The food arrives and we tuck in.

Eating: General table manners apply so I won’t bore you with them all, just this one: NEVER talk with food in your mouth. Like seriously, are you crazy?? Doesn’t mean you have to be silent throughout the meal. You should still have light conversation going on in between bites and chews.
As a personal rule, I won’t ask for dessert unless the dater offers. Like TheToolsman said, ice cream works.

We finish eating, he takes care of the bill and we exit the restaurant. The drive home is much quieter; not awkward but comfortable with smooth music playing on the stereo. We get to my house, he parks properly and walks me to my door. At the door he says something along these lines, ” I had a good time tonight. We should do this again.” Then he smiles mysteriously, like he wants to kiss me and he knows i want to be kissed.


And then he turns and walks to his car.


The Goodnight: Again, like TheToolsman said, the goodnight should not be said in the car with the engine running like you can’t wait for her to get down so you can be on your way. Park, get down and walk her to her door.

Now I know opinions vary on the kiss thing but for me, don’t. Even if she wants it. It’ll give her something to think about/look forward to before your next date. Plus it just makes you look more cultured and less savage.

Speaking of next date, don’t fix an appointment or say you’ll call her later. Leave her wondering/ guessing what’ll happen next: If you’re going to call, when you’re going to call, whether you really liked her, whether you’ll kiss her this time…

Now this is what MY perfect first date would look like. I’m no expert (hell, I’m still single) and nothing here is set in stone so feel free, use the comment box; agree, disagree, create your own scenario…

Well…..Well…. Well…

This is going to change many boys lives I presume.

Anyway today the instructions from yesterday are reversed.

Ladies: Do you agree with this?
Give us your own scenarios of what will make a perfect first date for you.

Guys: simples, How has this helped you?
Where do you think they are getting it wrong and you wana help them out a bit?

Let us know about a perfect date that you have been on before.

Share your ideas and speak your minds using the comment box.

Do share something. Your little words can be of great help to someone out there.


Day 4

Day 4

Perfect First Date

@bule_jr: we have seen what both sexes think about before going on a first date.
Today we are going to look at what makes a ‘perfect first date’ from a guy’s point of view. Enjoy.


So you finally got her to say yes to going on a date with you but the realization does not hit you till the night before. This is the girl of your dreams, the one you’ve been waiting for and you finally get a shot, it’s time to pull out all the stops to make sure she has the best(est) first date ever. Only problem is, you have no idea how to go about that.
Well if you think I’m here to teach you how to do that, guess again. If you take a second to think about that statement ‘the perfect first date’ you’ll understand just how subjective it is. Surely you won’t expect a model who is almost always on a diet and a food enthusiast who loves experimenting to share the same preferences when it comes to a first date meal?
Having said that, what I’ll be sharing with you is my idea of a perfect first date but before I get into that, I’d like to clearly spell out my thoughts on the objectives of a first date.
1.     Killer first impression: Yes you have all the resources at your disposal. Yes, she’s actually a princess but that doesn’t mean you’ll take her to the moon on the first date. The idea here is to have a killer first impression but one that can be topped. Remember there’s still the possibility of a second, third and subsequent dates. So even though you’re a French trained chef, don’t offer to cook for her on the first date. Keep it simple but not stupid.

2.  Talk. Talk. Talk: Yes you might have known her all your life but once you use the word ‘date’ with her name in a sentence, everything changes. Also, you might have been talking through phones for a while but being that close to her physically for the first time, she needs to know she can be comfortable enough to talk to you in person as much as she can over a computer or a phone.

3.   X (where X = invitation into her apartment, a kiss, and maybe, SCORE): X is a bonus. You shouldn’t expect it or demand it. As a matter of fact, except things just spiral out of control, try to make sure you avoid this happening on a first date.
Ok, I needed to put that out there so you’ll understand this piece better.
Here goes…

For me, this period begins a few days before the actual date. Actually, from the moment I ask her out on the date, I factor in this period. If she’s someone I’ve known for a while and I know the kinds of things she’s into, I can always spring the date up on her – ‘can we do tomorrow?’ But if she’s someone I hardly know anything about, I might want to give myself a few days to try to dig up some info. What does she like in terms of food, activities blah blah blah.
The venue is key. Remember my objectives??? I want to keep it simple but not stupid so I’m looking for a simple restaurant, bistro or café that serves the kind of stuff she likes to eat. (I’m not about to take her to a Mexican restaurant on a first date except I’m very sure we’re both into that). Now, that’s just one option. Some may wonder, why not the clichéd movie date? Well, if I’m doing the movie date then we have to start off with maybe a short meet up at a café for some sweets – confectionaries, ice-cream e.t.c… The idea here is to get a chance to talk to her. If you just meet up right before a movie and part ways after, it’s almost very certain there’ll be little or no talking (except you want to yell out her ears during your movie).
So, I’ve chosen a small restaurant, nice ambiance with a decent menu. If it’s not a place I’ve been to before, I always try to go there before hand (don’t just take suggestions from friends). I try to get to know the menu and even the waiters. A healthy tip will get one of them to even remember your name. Remember, this is the girl of your dreams we’re talking about. The date is finally planned out. I pick her up, we go to dinner and then drop her off – simple.

I’m casually dressed but looking smart still. If we’re meeting up after work, I lose the tie but keep my jacket on. If it’s not a workday, then I can play a little bit more with my outfit. No matter how I dress, one thing is key: Accessories!!!. Women never miss details. Unique cufflinks, that Rolex I only wear on special occasions, belt buckle, shoelaces, socks, perfume and wallet. Yup, if you have one of those sport wallets or a leather one that’s falling apart, you might want to consider changing it before your date.
I pick her up in my freshly cleaned car and on the ride to the restaurant, I engage her in as much conversation as possible. I’m no clown but a little humour here and there won’t be bad, just to lighten the mood. We get to the venue and I hold open the door to the building for her (Note: not the car, don’t choke her with chivalry). We walk in and the waiter friend I tipped the other day spots us:
“Good evening Mr. Adetula”
“Oh how are you Joseph, can you please find us a table?”
Now you’re getting me? We sit and she’s presented with the menu. I allow her look it over for a while before I suggest ordering for her. Of course I don’t look at the menu while I dish it out to Joseph, I’m a regular here…
What follows is the most important part of a first date for me. The conversations before, during and after the meal arrive. That’s where you score your points because she gets a chance to really look you over while you’re talking. She notices the watch as you gesticulate. She takes in more of your perfume… e.t.c. When our meal arrives, I make sure I explain what she’s about to eat while also talking about mine because at some point, I’ll let her try out what I’m having. Remember my objectives again.
After the meal comes desert. Ice cream almost never goes wrong. It’s always good to pick a venue where they have good meals as well as good deserts so you don’t have to move around much. Ice cream allows you to loosen us and even be a little playful (Ice-cream mustache anyone?)

We leave the restaurant and head home. At this point, I’ve achieved 98% of what I have set out to do. It would take some colossal fuckery to get things screwed up now. And as for the third objective, well, like I said, don’t expect it or demand it. It’s only the first date.
I pull the car to a stop outside her compound and I unlock the doors (First date should never end in the car). We both get out and I tell her how much fun I had while making sure I’m not lingering (I don’t want to come across as if I’m waiting for something). I say my goodbyes and go in for a casual hug. Nothing major. Be sure to smile after and then you can leave.
Mission Accomplished.
Is there anything like a perfect date in the first place? Yes? No?

To each his own I guess.

But let’s start talking today.

I have specific instructions for both sexes! Please Adhere to them as much as you can.

Guys: what is your own idea of a perfect first date?
Create your own scenario and describe to us what a perfect first date feels like to you.

Ladies: Do think about this and let us know what we get wrong. DO NOT share your own thoughts on what a perfect first date is…..just yet. You’ll do that tomorrow. Just criticise this and let us know where we guys can improve.

Do share an opinion with us using the comment box.

And see you tomorrow when @Ms_Dania responds to this.


Day 3

Day 3

Date Days

@bule_jr: Hello people.

Welcome to ‘Date Days’. A series that is going to try and look at the perspective that both sexes have about dating and first dates.

Hope you learn something new and its worth your while.

Today we begin by looking into what girls go through in preparation for a ‘first date’. Enjoy.


If he’s going to like me, if this is going to work, it will work regardless of what I do and don’t do. If this is going to work, he’s got to like me for ME.

That’s what I tell myself as I stand in the shower, 3 hours before my first date with D.

That’s what the rational part of my brain says as I carefully shave my legs and my under-arms and scour myself with a homemade sugar and lemon scrub. That’s what I try and remember as I massage lightly scented oil into my wet, clean skin. That’s the refrain I mutter as I pat myself dry and stroke my now baby soft, super smooth body.

I had a wax yesterday, even though it’s a first date and so, technically, D shouldn’t get anywhere near my lady garden. But one should always be prepared, Mama always said. Although I don’t think she was quite talking about that. I got my eyebrows done too, and a manicure and a pedicure. My nails were now a pale pink, ladylike and pretty. I’d agonised over that- should I go for a sultry red or a bold purple? Or do I want to appear down-to-earth with nothing more than a subtle gloss? The Korean lady had said “Pink is nice, yes, for lady. Nice for lady”

Yes, yes, but will he think it’s nice? And if things spiral out of control, will he think my landing strip is nice? Or is he one of those men who like women to look as bare as eggs down there?

I pad out of the bathroom and stand naked in front my wardrobe.

It’s a first date, I remind myself again, so it shouldn’t matter…but still, I consider. Black lace is my first choice- a demi cup bra and boyshorts. Sexy but not slutty- what a fine line that is. But I hear my friend S’s voice in my head…”always wear your crappy underwear on a first date! That way, you won’t be tempted to shag him” and I bring out my trusty, slightly faded, Marks &Spencer set.

Unsure, I reach into my drawer for a third time, retrieving a white teddy. La Perla and rarely worn. It makes my waist look tiny and breasts look…not so tiny. It makes me feel like Wonder Woman. I lace myself into it and strike a pose in the mirror. I pout at myself a little, then nod. Yes, this one.

A play and then dinner, he’d said. Trousers were out- even though I’d just bought a new silk pair on sale from COS. Trousers were for a second date, or perhaps even a third. If there was a third…

Gosh, I hope this goes well…

I discard my maxi dresses as well, shoving the whole lot of them to one side. I don’t want him to think I’m hiding a belly.

I consider outfit after outfit. Some I try on, some I simply hold in front of myself before tossing on the floor. I soon have a Top 3 and I’m tempted to send pictures to my friends for their input. I hunt for my phone in my now horribly messy room to do just that. I find it in a shoebox. Damn. The battery’s dying. I plug it in and turn back to my mirror.

You’re on your own, kid.

Okay, remember the rules…If you go tight, you can’t go short too. If you show cleavage you can’t show leg. Emphasise your waist and flatter your ass.

Finally, eventually, I settle on a grey jersey dress. It has a scoop neck, nipped in waist and ends at midthigh. It is soft to the touch and flattering.

Shoes now.
Heels to make my legs look fabulous? Or flats? I bite my lip and consider…D isn’t that tall, I remind myself. I don’t want to tower over him….I compromise, and set out a pair of 3inch midi heels. After all, I tell myself, we might do some walking. Nothing worse than having to stop because your feet hurt. No one falls in love with a girl with achy feet.

I gasp a little, and freeze, when I realise I’ve broken the cardinal rule of a first date. I’ve thought of the L word. I’ve mentally run a marathon before I could even sit up without assistance and now I’ve doomed this first date to be the last. I wipe my mouth as if I could take the words back. I knock three times on my wooden dresser. I say “I’m sorry God! Don’t jinx it!”. I feel silly when I’m done, but better.

Makeup? Hair? I pull out my iPad and open the youtube app. There is a tutorial I bookmarked a week ago…”How to do Sexy Hair”…

An hour later, slightly frustrated and with aching arms, I survey my now perfectly coiffed hair in the mirror. It looks good.

A few swipes later and I’m watching another tutorial “How to do Sexy Makeup”. 30 mins and a great deal of stops and starts later, I have smoky eyes, nude lips and a rosy complexion. Nude lips are key, you see.
Because if we snog, I don’t want to leave colour on his lips. He’s not mine yet, I have no right to brand him.

Accessories now.

I slip on my watch and… Damn! I’m almost late! How the hell did 3 hours go by so quickly? I frantically opened my jewellery box, swearing when the contents fly everywhere. Where the hell are they? I know they’re here somewhere…Aha!….Gold earrings.

I put my debit card, my phone, my keys and my lipgloss into my bag. I pause, then put £50 in there too. Vex money…

My doorbell rings. He’s here! I squeal and slide on my shoes, grab my blazer and spritz on some perfume.

I take 3 deep breaths before I open the front door.

“Wow. You look amazing”

“Oh? Really? Thanks…I didn’t really have a lot of time to get dressed. I only got back from work half an hour ago….”

So Ladies, do you recognise any patterns here?

What do you do on your own dates that are not listed here that you will like to share with us?

But importantly, can you tell us why you do these things?

Guys, has your level of respect gone up for the ladies, seeing what they have to do to look good just for us?

Next time you are out on a date are you gonna compliment the girl a bit more to let her know that all her efforts are not in vain?

Please share your thoughts with us using the comments box.

See you same time tomorrow with the male response to this.


Day 1

Day 1