“See that stupid girl over there!!”, shouted Nina, startling everyone out of their sleepy state.
We all looked up shocked and asked in unison “what happened?” as we all leaned forward on our lounge chairs in the balcony that overlooked the road to get a better view of this “stupid girl”.
I looked at Nina’s face & then I heard a loud voice next to my ear saying “That’s Becky & Kevin!” Uh oh…there was a sudden chill on the balcony…He who was not to be named, in other words, KEVIN, was NINA’S EX!
Nina laid back, looking perplexed and then we all started to mumble and mutter about “that Becky bitch”…”such a fake friend”…”stupid hoe”…we could not believe that Becky, Nina’s own best friend had gone after Kevin, after Nina & Kevin broke up.
“Is that right?” asked lina “I would never do that” said Claire, which brings US to the purpose of this blog post.
IS IT RIGHT TO DATE AN EX.?
YES YES YES, It is not only right but it’s perfectly legal to date to an ex but there are certain points you need to take into consideration first.
I am not trying to preach to anyone but this major question should be analyzed before proceeding: are you trying to keep your friend in the process whilst making such decisions?
We have all had friends with failed relationships and we should respect that but sometimes we all know that some ex’s are too tasty (good looking) to resist.
Bearing that in mind, we also have to admit or sympathize that some girls are possessive or extra protective relating to the duration/intensity/history of the relationship, this is where wisdom and maturity come in.
Another thing you need to ask yourself is, how important is your friendship with the person? Is the friendship worth fighting for?
Now let’s assume you have two brain cells and you have rubbed them together and you have already assessed the situation, this is your good friend, your ride or die…then under no circumstances should you go after you girl’s ex, especially when you know how into each other they were!
What has happened to the ‘Girl Code’ Ladies? It’s rather non-existent these days!
When you find yourself in this type of ‘I-like-my-friend’s-ex situation..The best thing to do is to speak to them about it. And don’t just listen to the words they say, watch their body language. They might say yeah they are okay with your liking and even dating their ex meanwhile what they really mean is, you bitch! How can you even fancy my ex? Did you fancy him all along?…one needs to tread carefully in these sort of situations.
These can be very delicate issues, especially when your mate and their ex shared deep moments (Good or bad) with each other. For example your friend’s relationship with the ex might have ended badly. Then one day you ask your friend if is okay to date the person that caused them a lot of grief. That might hurt your friend or make her even wonder if you and the ex were having something whilst they were together.
The other thing you want to look at is to make sure that the ex has no hidden agendas concerning your friend. You want to pay close attention because he might just be using you to get close to your friend again. There’s nothing like a little jealously up close to make an ex think they made the wrong decision when you broke up. People use this tactic all the time.
Also look at yourself and ask what is your motivation for you wanting to date your friend’s ex. It is considered being a bit unusual to want to date your friends ex lover. Did you and the ex just click in conversation and you have a lot in common? Or maybe it was a harmless meeting and you and the ex just thought you like to get to know each other better. Or are you the reason your friend is no longer with their ex in the first place? Remember what is done in the dark comes to light. Examine your motives and be honest with yourself before you even think about doing anything else. Only go after it if you are very sure it has a fighting chance, if not you will end up on the erring of not only that your friend but all other mutual friends and parties in the know.
In the end if you are going to make a decision, yay or nay to go forth with dating your friend’s ex, Just weigh the pros and cons and make the best decision. And ask yourself if its worth it. Sometimes we have chemistry with people and it just feels right but that is not the only criteria needed to be ticked.
Finding the right person takes a delicate touch and a lot more composure and understanding.
‘Ex’ does mean that they are no longer together and truthfully you can date whomever you want.
Even with the objections of your friend at times you might want to ignore that and just go ahead with it because you feel something very strong for that person but it makes things so much better and comfortable if you discuss it with your friend and the ex so you can move along in peace. It makes it so much better if everyone can get along.
You’ll never know if one day this relationship will become more that it is today.
Or if you and your friend’s ex attend one of those parties or functions and see your friend there. The entire situation will be a little awkward and will take a lot of maturity to avoid a situation developing whether the other party still has feelings for the ex or not.
On the other end of the spectrum. Others feel as though engaging in any sort of dialogue with an ex beyond a swift “hello”, “How have you been?” & “Goodbye” is grounds for suspicion & possible termination should it go any further. Ultimately, if the relationship didn’t last & its understood by both parties, then there’s no real issue.
Or is it a matter of tolerance & personal preference or a blatant violation of friendly codes of ethnics?
We have grown up in a country where religious and cultural practices take precedence and this kind of issue will probably be looked at entirely differently, right?
That will definitely open up another can of beans so we’ll keep that aside and just discuss the logical and moral angles to this story.
It was written by my good friend Gbemi (@MsWilliams_) and I really would have liked to write a guy’s response to this but it won’t have been much different, as for me the same rules apply with our ‘Bro Code’ and what not.
But let’s discuss a few things:
1. When is it right to date a friends ex?
2.When are ex’s off limits?
3. Does the opinion of your friends matter in situations like these.
If you begin to develop feelings for your friend’s ex,WILL YOU DATE THE PERSON?
You know the drill, speak your mind using the comment box.