Trolling


Welcome back to the Ugly Truth.

I promised myself a break after “date days” and i indeed took it.

i have started work on another series but that should start next week.

Today i have a friend and highly intellectual writer gracing my blog.

Pardon me for the depth of the Post. i am sure you will figure it out 😀

Its @MegaPar. Enjoy
*******************

She hugged him tightly.

Maybe if she held tight enough she could generate enough heat to reach down into the depth of his soul. Some warmth.

Anything.

Why did he have to do this?

She had seen him before. Strutting around the camp with his young daughter. Laughing. They had walked over to the meadow and he had picked out daises and made a garland for her hair. He had tickled her and she had laughed. A laugh that it seemed only children could have. An innocent laugh. One not yet aware of the perils of the world. The hate. The unfounded fear that haunts one as soon as they reach puberty.

The girl had spoken in German but she knew enough to catch her say “I love you, Father. He had then kissed her on her forehead and called her his angel”.

They seemed so happy. They seemed like people. He seemed like he had a heart.

Maybe if she held him tight enough he could remember how to use it.

She fell to the floor. Blood pouring out off her nose.

“Choose!” He shouted.

“I can’t” she cried in-between bubbles of blood from her now broken nose. She didn’t even notice.
He held her life behind her. Her reason. Her definition. Her babies.

Born almost a minute apart. The delivery was almost painless. They were her angels. They had not complained when they had to wear jewish stars to school. Not caused any trouble when she could find no food in the harsh French winter as they tried to escape the tyranny that had descended on their home.

“Choose one of them” He screamed again, spittle spraying against her face.

It reminded her of the sea breeze. Back when life made sense. Back when people were people.

“I can’t! “ She screamed.

“Just kill me please but spare my children.”

“You can’t make me choose”

Her angels. Even now they comforted her. Told her not to worry. Told her it would be alright. Said they would wait for her with Michael in heaven.

He reached for his holster. Pulled out an instrument made solely for the distribution of death. He held it to her temple.

It was cool. Cold. Solid. There. More real than anything you could ever imagine.

She laughed. Right before you die you can feel everything. Your senses go into overdrive as they try to collect as much data before they are forever laid-off. Put to stable. Like old race horses turned into glue.

Is this the way it was going to end? On a dusty road? In front of her children?

Her last thought before her brains hit the pavement were,

“He has a nice bulge though”

**************************************
Have you ever had a perception about someone or something prove to be false when you meet and have relations with them?

Have you had to sacrifice yourself for things/people so dear to you?

What did you make of this piece?

I really need you to share your thoughts using the comment box.

Cheers.

Screams


Loud, piercing screams into the night.

There were sounds of crashing plates and items hitting the walls. The neighbors’ lights remained off. No one called the cops.

Why should they?

No one wanted his trouble. No one wanted to be beaten up by a bunch of thugs from nowhere even though they knew who had sent them.

No one wanted to be involved in that drama as they had tried previously to intervene only to be hurt in the end.

‘Let go of me!’, she yelled to his face, beating his sturdy chest as hard as her weak limbs could.

Blood ran down her nose to her lips into her mouth mixing with the tears that flowed from her eyes. His grip around her slim waist was tight. She felt if he held it any tighter she would break in two. She scratched his rugged face and cried out for him to leave her alone but he replied with another blow to her already bruised face. He pushed her to the floor as she tried desperately to find something, anything to hit him with but the lamp, the stool, or the shoes were just too far from her reach.

He rammed her head to the wooden floorboard and ripped off her gown followed by her underwear which had stitches in various parts.

There were cuts and bruises around her groin; evidence of the previous incessant assaults she had been receiving. He grinned and licked his lips at the sight of her private part. A part which wasn’t private anymore for it had been violated, consistently by a man that was supposed to be her all.

He was to be everything positive in her life. Her shining light; the one to wipe away her tears when she cried at night, to tell her everything was going to be okay; the one to smile at her when she felt weak; the one to give her a reason to live but instead he had become her worst nightmare.

A monster under her bed, in her closet; a demon that haunted her every footstep… a thorn in her heart.

She bit her bruised lower lip as he forcefully entered her causing so much pain inside. She felt her thighs go wet. It wasn’t him. She knew it because she had felt it before. Blood ran down her thighs as he thrust inside her deeply. There was no point trying to reach for anything. It was already too late. The tears couldn’t flow anymore.

What tears did she have to cry?

He had beaten it out of her. She laid there on the floor, her face away from his trying to avoid his grunts and breath which reeked of alcohol and weed.

SURPRISED? She wasn’t.

It was his signature scent. The one he carried in and out of the door. The one he leaves on her after he is done breaking what remained of her fragile bones.

She stared at the base of the door, through the opening between the door and the floor. She could see the street lamp and the light that it shone.

The light she had been deprived of, that she hungered for so much.

Tears began to flow but it wasn’t caused by the pain in her belly or that from her badly bruised lady parts but from the one in her heart.

He thrust even harder now.

The pain increased but she didn’t flinch. She had found a bit of solace in that light. The one she lacked in her life; a life that she felt seeping out of her slowly.

She cracked a weak smile. It had been a long time since she smiled or felt harmony in any part of her shattered life.

He moaned out loud as he released inside of her and let out a devilish laugh when he was done. He collapsed on her, breathing heavily and letting out sighs of satisfaction. He got up and buckled his pants. He spat and kicked her open legs close together.

‘Clean this mess up you lazy worthless whore. You’re just like your mother. Only ever useful for one thing’

He grabbed the left over bottle of beer which had been on the table behind him and walked away.

She lay there as still as a corpse. Her face bruised, her lips swollen, her clothes torn and her lady parts bruised with blood seeping out slowly but in her heart she felt peace; she felt hope and calm.

She was hurt but amazingly had nothing against this man.

She felt joy as she stood at the lamp post, staring at her battered body lying on the floorboard through the space between the floor and the door from that house across the street where no one tried to help for fear of their lives.

******************

Classic case of another father – daughter relationship that just went beyond what it is supposed to be.

Most times, since it doesn’t affect anyone around us or close to home we don’t know the effect it has on people, the trauma it causes.

These things happen so much around us but victims are scared to confide in people, seek help and report the offender.

And frankly do we blame them?

If you were in their shoes, what will you do?

How can we help such people?

What role can we play in reducing the amount of such cases and getting people to step forward if and when abused.

Please use the comment box to speak your mind and share a view with us.

Cheers.

P.S this was written by a friend who has chosen to remain anonymous and myself.

2days To Go

2days To Go

Say No To Cheating


#teamfaithful

    The Concept Behind Cheating.

Welcome once again to the Ugly Truth, sorry I haven’t really been writing here lately. I have been preparing to appear on some blogs ( yes the love doctor is now in popular demand) hence my absence.

Also I have been working hard on the ‘Date Days’ series, look at the picture below. 😀

I have squeezed a little time out to write on a topic that has been appearing in so many conversations, tweets, blogs e.t.c. Yes it’s the almighty ‘CHEATING’.

I am not talking about dubbing in exams and other stuff like that(go to jamb/waec website for that one), but that thing that happens when a guy/girl decides to go and eat out of another cherry that doesn’t belong to them.

I have had conversations with different people over the last two weeks about this and they made it sound like it was cool and that there was nothing wrong with it.

Before y’all attack me, I know it’s the 21st century and I should get on with it right? I say hold up and hear me out.

We are all Christians or Muslims right? I know the Bible very well and I know it frowns strongly against fornication and Adultery. I am not a 100% sure about it but I’m supremely confident the Quran does say so too right? Someone tell me I am right.

Except I missed the memo, these rules haven’t changed one bit so why are we all saying/acting otherwise.

Don’t get me wrong, I am no saint and have made a few mistakes in this short life I have had.

But i will NEVER go out to brag to people that I was having “extra-marital” affairs or anything like that because believe me i will feel ashamed. You might think you are cool when doing this but in hindsight you will realise you are the fool.

What’s there to brag about not being able to remain truthful to someone you are in a relationship with and openly profess your love for?

But people(especially we guys) go about doing this and expect our spouses to be faithful to us as well? Oh no no!!! Life doesn’t work that way.

They say Karma is a female dog abi? Oh well…..

Let this not be you.

Mind you cheating for me doesn’t start when there is physical contact between the two said people. I believe there is something called emotional cheating.

In simple terms, your body is in a relationship but your mind is no longer there but for reasons unknown you refuse to just bone the relationship or get serious. Sounds Familiar? Guessed so

The minute you start to get irritated with your better half and you don’t see a reason to bridge the gap quickly and just go and sulk about the place, you are bound to find someone else’s arm to fall into.

This can lead anywhere and I mean anywhere.

If you really like a person and decide to go into an “exclusive” relationship with them I feel you owe it to them to be faithful and be of your best behaviour.

Why start looking for something on the side or put yourself in a situation where you know you will be tempted to get something from someone outside?

Surely the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Or is it?

I also think it is rather hurtful to both yourself and your other half to be cheating on them. Its rather MEAN if you ask me.

Don’t do it because all your friends are doing it and encouraging you to do as well.

Don’t be fooled because it’s a societal Norm. IT IS WRONG.

The minute I decided that I was going to remain a faithful husband/boyfriend sometime in 2007, I became a better person for it.
It gives me a very satisfying feeling to remain true and faithful to anyone I am with at any point in time.

Yes I have been called names and dissed but frankly “I DON’T CARE”.

I know many will say “I have tried” or “it is hard” but don’t give up.

It’s the end times and trust me to Err is human so do not despair and beat yourself down, and also don’t just accept it and do nothing about it, you can still change your ways whether you are Married or Unmarried.

I think our generation owes it to our unborn kids to give them a better legacy than this rubbish one we have inherited from our own parents and fine-tuned to please our needs and nature.

If i can change i am very sure you can too. Yes you.

No matter how tempted you are, JUST SAY NO.

If you don’t like my own views feel free to share your own views and why?

If you like my views, well thank you and continue that way.

Cheers

Its Date Days Baby

The Way You Are


I have had a very very short time on earth and in that little period I have seen so many people underrate themselves, under-value themselves and some just plainly look at themselves and see absolutely nothing worthy. To me, this is simply a recipe for disaster.

Human beings will seek to get as much as they can from such people, be it physical or material as long as they are sure that you don’t know your worth and are simply looking for people to approve of you.

Well today, true to my style and theme I write this to all insecure girls out there and hope this helps you.

I can’t speak for everyone out there but for myself I would say, I’m a decent guy(at least many babes have told me so) :p and I will like to believe that there are a number of decent guys out there.

I tend to always want to look out for the best in people. Half the time I ignore their faults and although it comes back to haunt me a lot I always feel I have done my teeny weeny bit in helping the person.

And if I tell a girl I like her, tharizzit for me. But I’ve come to learn that many girls will rather block someone out because of insecurity issues and other related woman palaver but how I wish that for that moment in time they will just trust that we are not all out to ‘use and dump’ you.

This is my Motto:
If I meet a girl and she thinks she is ugly, not my fault, I like you just the way you are.

If I tell you I like your feet and you tell me you think you have ‘yams’, I like you just the way you are.

You hide a part of you when we are in deep conversations, well I would like you to give me more but still I like you just that way.

I tell you that you have a wonderful shape and all you see is a fat blurb, well I like you just the way you are.

I tell you that you have nice eyes, you say you need contact lenses, I like you just that way.

I tell you that you have a great sense of humor but you keep hiding that part of you because your ‘ex’ didn’t like you, I still like you that way.

I tell you that you dress well but you like going out mostly at night so that people won’t scrutinize you that much, well I like you that way.

Believe me just this once and let us together come out of this dark alley you find yourself in.

All I’m saying is, not all guys want a perfect girl and a girl that is ‘all that’. All we want is someone who is comfortable in their own skin and who is ready to learn and improve herself. #shikena

But you see, even as a decent guy there is a limit to which I can ignore your insecurities and not allow it affect me.

Another ‘decent’ guy might not be so patient and quickly move on to the next P and leave you in a worse condition.

Other guys will happily do ‘chop & clean mouth’. (God dey)

You need to start to see a better you before anyone else will see a better you.

You need to build your confidence and not depend on your mood or state of mind to know whether to smile or not.

There is someone out there that will fall absolutely and madly in love with you ‘THE WAY YOU ARE’ but you have to be ready and allow them love you. If not, they will get away.

Now you might ask how does someone go from being insecure to being a confident person.

*inserts beyonce’s Who Run The World*
I might not like her but in ‘your own world’ you have to first believe that you run it. You are in charge of your life and only you can determine what goes on in there.

You have to have a great structure support i.e. Family and friends. Refer to my post on this topic so that you understand who and what friends and family really are and the role they are to play.

For me, you have to have a personal and wonderful relationship with GOD. There are things that only He can understand and will definitely just calm your nerves and give you an unexplainable warmth in your heart. Don’t believe me, Try it today?

Ask yourself this question: when you wake up in the morning and look at the mirror what do you see?

So, again I have come with all my crazy and funny stuff I know, I wrote this 1month ago but it didn’t feel right to post it then.

Insecurity has robbed people of discovering themselves. Now all we see is people bending themselves to fit the ‘spec’ of the person they are with at any particular time. This is so not right! Or is it?

What’s your take on the whole issue?

How can you and I be of help to people that are insecure?

How can we make relationshiposphere a better place?

As usual share your opinions in the comment box.
Cheers.

P.S. For the first time I wrote on someone else’s blog and tried my hands on humour. Check it out at http://kevinwithanl.wordpress.com , its titled Must Read. Lemme know what you think. Thanks.

Adieu Dr. Bassey Obono


Dr. Bassey Obono

Today the 6th of July should have been a day we all celebrated in my neighborhood. This year, we Can’t. My brother @seunbule writes here and tells us why.

Dr. Bassey Obono, my best friend, my brother and my colleague.

Everyday i wake up, i always thank God that i experienced what it is to have a friend who really understood the word ‘friendship’ and what it entailed.

The sad events of January 31st, 2011 have deprived me of this, i have chosen not cry despite the fact that the thought of you leaving still makes tears fill my eyes. I have chosen rather to remember the good times we shared as close friends.

Our childhood days in National Orthopaedic Hospital will forever remain cherished in my heart.

We were one big family with the with the Enadeghes, Tijanis, Onubogus, Akpamas, popoolas, solankes with all our family friends itching to spend their holidays in ‘IGBOBI’ because of the tight bonds we all had.

We all looked forward to 4pm then so we could ride bicycles(of which you and i were always coming tops). Wonderful times we spent playing football, you were a marvelous goalkeeper and transformed yourself to the best defender ever when you got older.

You had an amazingly artistic mind and this is evident by how many games you came up with back then. Crime City Chase, robocop and ninja turtles(on paper) e.t.c.

seun and bassey wayyyyy back.

Our days in Kings college when your dad took us all in the morning and my dad came to pick us up in the afternoon.

Even though we were not in the same arm, we maintained our friendship and when femi and i were chucked off into boarding house i remember times when i was on your neck to go to my folks to send us pocket money and food(laughs) and you never complained and i still believe i owe you for that.

We started A’ Level classes  and wrote the exams together and proceeded to medical school but in different institutions. I must confess that this brought a strain in our closeness as the distance between both schools coupled with the fact that we hardly came home because of the nature of our courses. I thank God we pulled through.

You started your Housemanship before me at LUTH as i remember you received the call up letter when we were both watching a football match during the 2010 world cup.

I rounded up my program and quickly rushed to come join you at LUTH and when this eventually came to pass i felt xo confident and comfortable knowing you were there for me.

My dreams Alas! wont come true. 😦

As i was about to resume, you left the shores of this earth.

I miss you everyday and it is impossible for me to forget you.

Many other people that knew you have also given wonderful testimonies to how a wonderful and caring friend you were.

Your Legacy Lives on.

If you were around today, you would have been 25yrs old but i still celebrate and continue to pray for your soul rests in perfect peace.

@bule_jr: skiiii, i miss you, you taught me how to drive and you were the other senior brother my mum didn’t birth. I know you are in a better place. Continue to rest in Peace.

Death has never hit home for my brother and i until bassey left us. You wont know the value of life until it happens to someone really close to you.
Live your life like everyday is your last. You don’t know when you might have to go see the Master. Always be ready.

 

at 9.00pm this day bassey was gone 😦

McDREAMy II


Is This The Truth?

Is This The Truth?

Welcome people.

Last Time we had a story about a dream girl and many girls had their say on it and felt we were over-reaching and being unrealistic. If you missed it read it here https://bulejr.wordpress.com/2011/06/21/mcdreamy/

Its only fair that we have their own side of the story and allow them dream as well Right?

So I got my good friend @ukabah(who happened to be the most outspoken person on that post) to write the female response to McDREAMy.

Enjoy!!

So we all saw @bule_jr’s dream girl but as the name implies, she was only in his dreams.

My dream guy will be 6ft 4inches, well -built, not enough to scare people away but enough to look like Zeus; shirt-less.

He is handsome beyond words, with a sexy smile that starts with a little curve at the side of his mouth and slowly widens to display perfect teeth.

His laugh is magical and can make all my problems seem unimportant, his touch is gentle, his words always kind.

He speaks English, Espanol and Italian(ah bellisima!) fluently. He would have eyes that look into the soul, he would love, care and understand with all his heart.

He will always be there no matter what, he would give up the world for me, give his whole heart to me. He would know when I need him, just by looking at me, no need for words.

He would control my moods easily, when he kisses me, the world would cease to exist and only that moment would matter.

Ah! Could my eyes be deceiving me? He’s sitting right there in the corner at the restaurant. His hair slicked back so sexy, his suit looking like it was made on him, his hands smooth and nails well manicured.

His Italian shoes tapping gently to the music playing. This has to be him, he fits my description in every way, he is perfect! He had those eyes, the ones that just let me know he would be all I need and more.

Could he be waiting for someone?

Anger boiled inside me thinking about how a lady could keep a treasure like this waiting, if he were mine, I’d never let him out of my sight.

I watched patiently, thinking of what could possibly make good conversation between us, what excuse would I have to go over there?

Do I write a note and give to the waiter to take to him? Or do I go over and hope I don’t make a fool of myself.

Finally, I summon the courage and smooth down the skirt of my dress. Just as I get to my feet I see him; a much older man, coming straight for Mr Perfect’s table.

I relax…it’s not a girl after all, business meeting perhaps?

So perfect and hard-working…this is too good to be true. *sigh*

Still making my way over very slowly, I stop suddenly.

Why are they hugging tightly?

Why did the old man’s hands slightly run up Mr Perfect’s back?

And why when they sat down, were they still holding hands across the table?

And then it happened, the older one leaned across and kissed my Mr Perfect lightly on the lips.

Now it all made sense, what was I thinking?

So that’s that. I have to say thank you to the beautiful @ukabah for a very nice write up.

But again this is just a response for the guys to come and defend themselves after they felt battered last time around. 😀

Are the girls over-reaching as well?

Are there really perfect Guys out there?

Does anybody’s dream spouse come true?

Feel free to share your comments about the perfect guy and whether its right for them to dream or they should just manage anything that comes our way.

Cheers people.

Relationships = Jamb

Relationships = Jamb

McDREAMy


All my life, for as long as I can remember I have had this dream about the how the babe I wanted to marry will look like.

She had to be a maximum of 5’9″, she had to be light brown in complexion(I’m black enough already, so we won’t birth the anti christ).

I’m more of a legs guy(yeah I said it) so she must have hot legs to die for: well shaved and trimmed, no unnecessary darkened knees *cringe*

I’m more bobee over backside. Both MUST be in moderation though and not excess because if I see her whether I like it or not, its her outward appearance that sucks me in.

She had to be able to communicate well; have a good command of the english language and hold herself steady in a conversation.

She had to be comfortable in her own skin and not be jealous of finer looking girls or ‘better dressed girls’, I met you the way you were and I liked you just that way. 😀

She had to be have a fantastic sense of humor and be able to make me laugh from time to time. (For me this takes the cake all the time)

A girl that can fit in with my friends easily has completed 75% of the job for herself.

On that note I saw a babe whom I felt passed ‘roughly’ 97% of my checklist(the remaining 3% na down to error of parallax). Let’s call he ‘simbi’.

I had watched her for weeks in school, mid week services in fellowship and church on sundays. In wizkids voice ‘omo toh shan’ DIEE.

Thing is I’m a shy guy and it took me months to gather the momentum and courage to walk up to the girl of my dreams.

I walked up to her very slowly, counting my pace one at a time.

Suddenly I heard my mum’s voice, ‘femi, femi, oya we are late’. Huh?

I turned round and saw no one and kept working toward her.

Again ‘femi, femi’. I knew the voice was real but from where?

And my eyes opened up and there I was, NOT on my way to ‘greatness’ but on my bed, crashing and being awoken by my mum to take her to work. *sigh*

I like what I saw in simbi, she could have been the girl of my dreams but for now that’s all she is going to be………………………. ‘A DREAM’.

So, ladies and gentlemen, most of us have had images of the kind of spouse we will like to have right? NO? If you haven’t oya #slapyourself.

I fear we might never get them and just settle for what God sends our way, if not some people are joking around with lifetimes as bachelors and spinsters.

Question: Does the perfect girl exist?

Please use the comment box to share your views on whether my own view of a perfect girl is on point, feel free to add, subtract and multiply and divide :D.

Ladies don’t feel left out. Are we over-reaching? Should we lower our expectations? Please share your views with us as well. Thank you

Cheers everyone!

“The Concept Of Dating”


cute couple

cute couple

What is about dating that can be so hard at times. I mean c’man, a guy meets a girl or a girl meets a guy and after a couple of ‘hang outs’ they realise they have some chemistry and decide to go into a relationship. I mean in a nutshell this is what it is(or supposed to be) plus or minus a few things. Right? No?
What now makes it so complicated?

Why is it that it takes over your whole life and consumes you when its supposed to complement you and make you a better person?

Why does it make us act silly most of the time instead of helping to fine tune our lives?

So many questions, yet so few answers.

I am no expert and this isn’t entirely original but let’s discuss on certain rules that might/should/could/ help relationships.

1. Dating Rule #1: Don’t Lose Who You Are

Your first priority in a relationship – no matter what kind of a relationship you are in – is to be yourself. To do that, you’ll need to love yourself by ensuring you are ready to date before taking the plunge, as well as having a strong sense of self-worth and esteem.

2. Dating Rule #2: Ensure Every Date is Fun

Not only does trying to make your date happy make you feel good, but it is also one of the first signs of attraction. And studies have shown that when taking someone out on a date, the primary way your date will be determined a success of is how much fun was had. Err? Ok

3. Dating Rule #3: Communicate Well and Clearly

It is impossible to have a healthy relationship without strong communication. In essence, communication is the bridge that forms between partners, helping them create a sacred space in the middle ground where they meet in order to foster love and intimacy. Without clear communication, two people who seem like they are connected romantically to outsiders truly aren’t; instead they just going through the motions, lacking the intimacy they require to move forward, together.

4. Dating Rule #4: Be a Strong Negotiator

When communication alone isn’t enough to weather a relationship through stormy times, negotiation skills come into play. In order to work through the issues that arise in these kinds of circumstances, both partners must be able and willing to negotiate. When done with respect and awareness, negotiation can be the key to unlock a shared bright future.

5. Dating Rule #5: Nurture Your Relationship

All dating relationships require tender loving care in order to thrive. Daily appreciation, respect, attentiveness, reciprocity and kindness all work towards showing your partner that you cherish them and value their contribution to your life.

6. Dating Rule #6: Touch

Now every person in a relationship needs to have that physical connection and needs to ‘feel’ loved and cared for. A cuddle while watching a movie or Afmag, holding hands on the beach, or plain stroking of the hair. Might seem small but trust me it goes a long way, especially for them ladies. 😀 trust me there is a place for physical touch.

7. Dating Rule #7: Space

Its hard for many couples to understand that not every trouble faced or fight must be sorted out by talking about it immediately. Especially for girls, many times a guy just wants to be alone and clear his thoughts. If and when he does that he will call/text you. And by the way this counts also not only when you fight but when he just wants to hang with the guys. Give him that room to just be free without nagging or wanting to tag along. He will miss you soon enough and come crawling back.

8. Dating Rule #8: Trust

Even I don’t know what to write about this but just know it has to be there some how. No and I repeat *shouting* NO relationship will work without trust. You have to let go and let GOD if not there’s no point being in it.

After writing this and looking through them myself, I have but one conclusion: THERE
ARE NO FREAKING RULES AS TO HOW TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP LAST LONGER PERIOD
.
Who says if you do all these it will last?
Who says not doing any won’t make it last?
I could have written more but said I should leave them out for you all to share in the comment box.
And also please share anything that has helped you in times past; your words of wisdom could save a relationship today. *winks*

P.S coming from the writer of the ‘DIET’ err #6 might not be the way for everybody. #okbye

Cheers.

dating Tips?

dating Tips?

Friends & family


Hey so i was wondering.
Who’s family?
Who are friends?

No we are not talking about the ‘family & friends’ scam from networks like MTN.
We are talking about actual people.

To be honest, a very thin line exists between family and friends. the key is who is actual family and who is a real friend.

I didn’t write this but a friend did and he has decided to remain anonymous.
I will call him the “Ghost Writer” from here on.
I give you family and friends. Enjoy.

The concepts of “friend” and “family” are concepts which have confused me greatly, and have effectively done so since I was about 13 or 14 I’m closer to 30 than I am to 21 now! (yes, those who are close to me will tell you I’ve long had a roving, abstract mind) but its not the definitions of these words that have had me scratching my head for so long, oh noooooo, its more the application to everyday life that’s got me looking for the real me in one of those house of mirrors thingies.

Now if we’re meant to go by the definition of “friend” in the Oxford learners’ advanced-“one who we know and like but is NOT OF THE FAMILY”– then that guy/girl who has always been there for us, picked us up when we were down, shared everything with us, never questioned us even when he/she knew we were lying, had our backs when stones were being flung at us, BUT was not birthed by our mother or does not fall under those ‘conventional’ links that link you to the proper definition of the word ‘family’, can only be a friend. This, suo moto, is acceptable.

Then we have the word ‘family’, defined by the same source to include the “parents, children and their close relatives” and if we’re to go by this definition, then you may begin to see where my confusion takes route from. What I understand here is that the brother who stabbed and killed me, the father who raped my sister, the mother who abandoned me, the uncle who robbed me of my inheritance, the aunty who prostituted my sister, the cousin who raped my wife, the brother who slept with my wife…….is my family……this also is acceptable? HELL to the freaking NOOOOO.

What my rather slow brain is finding it rather difficult to process (and yes my brain is still trying to process this after about 14-15years) is that friend who did everything my ‘family’ was meant to do and even does everything that my brother does, is not family for the simple reason that he does not fall under that category that we have all come to know and subconsciously accept. In the same vein, my brain is also still trying to process the belief that these members of my family who have done these awful things to me and to other members of my family are placed as family over and above those who have played ‘the family’ in my life simply because of that belief and that awfully inadequate definition, in my opinion and its exceedingly laughable.:D

I mean I know of people who took in total, complete strangers into their families and they lived with them ate their food, they were bought clothes, fees were paid, and for anyone to tell me that, stricto sensu, such people can only go as far as friends of the family can only offend the senses of anyone with a mind such as mine.

I mean why refer to a friend as such when the only difference, in function, between him and your brother is that last name? Some might say I’m taking this a bit too seriously as they are just definitions but “I ask you to think of that situation where u’ll have to pick between one and/or the other individual and u’ll realise it goes far beyond dictionary definition”. If u ever get to that stage where u need to pick and you pick, without thinking, that “friend” over your “brother” then why would u still refer to that person as a friend? I mean you can cleanly and, without conscience, cut off a friend for say sleeping with your wife but a la Ryan Giggs, u’d say?!? *sigh*

Another question has often crossed my mind, at what point do you cut off family? If there is such a point, the saying blood is thicker than water comes to mind, family bonds blah zay……but I think all these muddle ups and confusions are based on what u think, I think you define who family is to you, I have “family” I have not spoken to in well over two years, but I have “friends” that I simply cannot go 3days without talking to and checking up on. I have “family” that I need to remember that passage in the bible (there is nothing special in loving a friend, love those who hate u Matt 5:46) in order to help and there’s friends that I’d die for without giving it a 1st thought, let’s talk less for a second……but look through this entire write up……I’ve fallen prey to the very confinement I complain about haven’t I?……..*sigh*

These are just the inner workings of a forever roving mind, feel free to disregard them everyone.

So thats about that. Thanks to the “Ghost Writer”. I don’t even know what to make of this because i too have similar issues regarding family and friends.. please use the comment box to share your opinion and lets see if we can try and at least get to the roots of this rather delicate issue.
Cheers

Lets Just Be friends.


Ever had a Girl tell you those four words? Err…..No i’m not talking about “Femi, I Love You”. yes that has actually been said but that is not why we are here. I Am talking about  “Let’s Just Be Friends.”

Most times it goes thus.

You meet a girl and initially its genuinely platonic and you talk every now and then and have the occasional hangout.

Just normal as per guys no wan fall hand.

But with time you realise that you talk everyday and subconsciously you are always planning how to see her often and arrange ‘P’.

At this time, you are still in denial that she is just a friend. When quizzed by your friends you claim that there is nothing more to it, but anytime you see her there is just that awry smile on your face, yeah you are not in love but you are smitten by her.(bless your soul)

Then you realise whats going on but most times its always too late as you are in way too deep and you now decide to make the ‘P’ official.

Thing is many babes dun open eye now and  if you are not upfront and direct from the off they just think you are a shareful(no pun intended) giver and just tag along for the free rides. And really i can’t blame them. Or can you?

Its unofficially written, Guys are allowed to be h*es and girls are allowed to milk guys. As long as no physical interaction a girl wont see anything wrong and just carry on.

Before any girl kills me, boys are also guilty of this and after getting down with a girl a couple of times and whether for insecurity issues or for clarification purpose she asks “what are we doing”?. The guy says i thought we were just having fun and i’m not ready for anything serious. This happened to a close family member so yeah its no hypothesis.

Anyway, these four words can also be a positive depending on how one chooses to view his glass.

It saves from expending resources, emotions and time and always means you can come back later on and try again. Right? NO? in fact i am lost myself.

Why is it so hard to hang out with someone new for a while without just beginning to develop feelings for the person.

Why is remaining friends with someone cool just down right hard?

Why do we often like people that most times we just cannot get into a relationship with?

Why do cool people at times fall out of our reach?

Why does being friends have the be our only option?

At times we want more than that.

But thats just the pride in us talking.

In the end it might be whats best for us and we know it.

But we cant shake off the “what if”?

*sigh*

WE might not like it but we accept: “Lets Just be friends.”