Money In Relationships


Relationships on a regular should be about the people involved and their feelings. These days it’s about how much you have at the moment, how much you plan to have in the next few years.

I’m not sure at what point we lost the main focus of relationships and turned it into an emotional business deal. It has become majorly a case of “what shall I gain from this?”.

Personally I do not put much emphasis on money when I’m thinking of relationships, and that is because I can afford most things myself but I have to admit that it is easier being with someone who’s financially stable or to a large extent, independent. I also believe in helping your partner especially when you’ve decided in your heart that this is who you want to be with for a while.

To survive in a relationship in today’s world we need money……. Be it  for communication, fun or just basic surviving.

If we are to look at communication, you need money to do this, and in this world where there is a blackberry craze everywhere, you would need to pay for your BIS. And in all honesty, you can’t keep all the communication to blackberry alone because there are some things/feelings which are gotten through speaking/hearing the voice of the other party. And considering the fact that an average person has over 50 contacts on his/her blackberry, as a partner in a relationship, you would need to go the extra mile lest you lost in the crowd.

Heaven help you if you are in a long distance relationship like across the ocean kinda thing. You’d spend more on communication, be it calls, text or good internet for all those your skype dates and others. I guess that is part of the reason why they say LDR isn’t for the faint hearted.

Let us look at the fun aspect of the relationship; because every now and then you need to put spice in your relationship else it starts to feel like a routine. If you want to catch a movie or go kart racing or something as simple as a hangout at the beach you need money especially if you live in Nigeria where all these things are apparently like gold (God knows why though). To continue to spice things up, you need elements of surprise and flowers don’t count for the average Nigerian girl just like boxers don’t count for the average guy. So you’d need to be grand in your surprises, creative too. And this takes time and money (you just might pay someone to do thinking for you).

Nobody wants to date a liability and just be the one giving; it’s not fun and makes the other person feels taken advantage of. I’m a girl and I pay for stuff too. I know there are a lot of girls that feel like they should be taken care of. And there are a lot of guys with ego problems that feel they should do the paying and when the girl gets used to it, they now say she is a gold-digger. First of all, you taught her how to dig the gold……..in short you created the monster so live with it. And there are a lot of girls who take advantage of  these “generous” guys and ask for the most ridiculous things on earth e.g freshest newest gadgets, fancy cars, designer this and designer that or the persistent craze with all the Brazillian, Peruvian hair.

There are some weird extreme cases like asking for the guy’s 6months bank statement (I find this a tad uncomfortable since they are not engaged or anything like that). While I know it is important to look at the financial status of the person you are with, I think it is wrong when it becomes the major criteria while considering a relationship. The joy is in growing together, building your life together. You get to appreciate each other more because you know that you went through thin together and are coming out thick. Unlike when you land with a partner who is already swimming in cash and would constantly see you as an accessory and not an equal partner.

The society too plays a major role in this line of thought as well because you bring a partner home to the family and the question of what they do comes up…….where they live…….where they schooled.  Some even go as far as asking how often the person travels out of the country.

A male friend once told me this “if you meet a guy who isn’t doing so well, ask him about his past, rate his present, consider his principles not his sweet-spoken nonsense and from there predict his future from all he says and all you can get from his body language”.

I guess in essence he was telling me to judge my partner with my head not my heart as the heart has been known to lead people astray.

No one is saying you should walk blindly into a relationship with someone that cannot meet his/her needs and has no intention of trying. Just make sure that the size of the wallet isn’t your major “attraction”.

There was a point in this life when all you needed for a relationship to work was the commitment of the people involved. Now the commitment can be “bought” because

‘Love isn’t all that matters any more’.

@MizzTosin
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Tosin just shared her views on the role of money in relationships. Agree? Disagree?

What are your takes on the financial aspect to relationships?

when and where should it be be brought in as a criteria in Relationshiposphere?

Do share your view with us using the comment box.

Cheers.

The Case Of The Ex


“See that stupid girl over there!!”, shouted Nina, startling everyone out of their sleepy state.

We all looked up shocked and asked in unison “what happened?” as we all leaned forward on our lounge chairs in the balcony that overlooked the road to get a better view of this “stupid girl”.

I looked at Nina’s face & then I heard a loud voice next to my ear saying “That’s Becky & Kevin!” Uh oh…there was a sudden chill on the balcony…He who was not to be named, in other words, KEVIN, was NINA’S EX!

Nina laid back, looking perplexed and then we all started to mumble and mutter about “that Becky bitch”…”such a fake friend”…”stupid hoe”…we could not believe that Becky, Nina’s own best friend had gone after Kevin, after Nina & Kevin broke up.

“Is that right?” asked lina “I would never do that” said Claire, which brings US to the purpose of this blog post.

IS IT RIGHT TO DATE AN EX.?
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YES YES YES, It is not only right but it’s perfectly legal to date to an ex but there are certain points you need to take into consideration first.

I am not trying to preach to anyone but this major question should be analyzed before proceeding: are you trying to keep your friend in the process whilst making such decisions?

We have all had friends with failed relationships and we should respect that but sometimes we all know that some ex’s are too tasty (good looking) to resist.

Bearing that in mind, we also have to admit or sympathize that some girls are possessive or extra protective relating to the duration/intensity/history of the relationship, this is where wisdom and maturity come in.

Another thing you need to ask yourself is, how important is your friendship with the person? Is the friendship worth fighting for?

Now let’s assume you have two brain cells and you have rubbed them together and you have already assessed the situation, this is your good friend, your ride or die…then under no circumstances should you go after you girl’s ex, especially when you know how into each other they were!

What has happened to the ‘Girl Code’ Ladies? It’s rather non-existent these days!

When you find yourself in this type of ‘I-like-my-friend’s-ex situation..The best thing to do is to speak to them about it. And don’t just listen to the words they say, watch their body language. They might say yeah they are okay with your liking and even dating their ex meanwhile what they really mean is, you bitch! How can you even fancy my ex? Did you fancy him all along?…one needs to tread carefully in these sort of situations.

These can be very delicate issues, especially when your mate and their ex shared deep moments (Good or bad) with each other. For example your friend’s relationship with the ex might have ended badly. Then one day you ask your friend if is okay to date the person that caused them a lot of grief. That might hurt your friend or make her even wonder if you and the ex were having something whilst they were together.

The other thing you want to look at is to make sure that the ex has no hidden agendas concerning your friend. You want to pay close attention because he might just be using you to get close to your friend again. There’s nothing like a little jealously up close to make an ex think they made the wrong decision when you broke up. People use this tactic all the time.

Also look at yourself and ask what is your motivation for you wanting to date your friend’s ex. It is considered being a bit unusual to want to date your friends ex lover. Did you and the ex just click in conversation and you have a lot in common? Or maybe it was a harmless meeting and you and the ex just thought you like to get to know each other better. Or are you the reason your friend is no longer with their ex in the first place? Remember what is done in the dark comes to light. Examine your motives and be honest with yourself before you even think about doing anything else. Only go after it if you are very sure it has a fighting chance, if not you will end up on the erring of not only that your friend but all other mutual friends and parties in the know.

In the end if you are going to make a decision, yay or nay to go forth with dating your friend’s ex, Just weigh the pros and cons and make the best decision. And ask yourself if its worth it. Sometimes we have chemistry with people and it just feels right but that is not the only criteria needed to be ticked.

Finding the right person takes a delicate touch and a lot more composure and understanding.

‘Ex’ does mean that they are no longer together and truthfully you can date whomever you want.

Even with the objections of your friend at times you might want to ignore that and just go ahead with it because you feel something very strong for that person but it makes things so much better and comfortable if you discuss it with your friend and the ex so you can move along in peace. It makes it so much better if everyone can get along.

You’ll never know if one day this relationship will become more that it is today.

Or if you and your friend’s ex attend one of those parties or functions and see your friend there. The entire situation will be a little awkward and will take a lot of maturity to avoid a situation developing whether the other party still has feelings for the ex or not.

On the other end of the spectrum. Others feel as though engaging in any sort of dialogue with an ex beyond a swift “hello”, “How have you been?” & “Goodbye” is grounds for suspicion & possible termination should it go any further. Ultimately, if the relationship didn’t last & its understood by both parties, then there’s no real issue.

Or is it a matter of tolerance & personal preference or a blatant violation of friendly codes of ethnics?

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We have grown up in a country where religious and cultural practices take precedence and this kind of issue will probably be looked at entirely differently, right?

That will definitely open up another can of beans so we’ll keep that aside and just discuss the logical and moral angles to this story.

It was written by my good friend Gbemi (@MsWilliams_) and I really would have liked to write a guy’s response to this but it won’t have been much different, as for me the same rules apply with our ‘Bro Code’ and what not.

But let’s discuss a few things:
1. When is it right to date a friends ex?
2.When are ex’s off limits?
3. Does the opinion of your friends matter in situations like these.

If you begin to develop feelings for your friend’s ex,WILL YOU DATE THE PERSON?

You know the drill, speak your mind using the comment box.

Cheers.

“The Concept Of Dating”


cute couple

cute couple

What is about dating that can be so hard at times. I mean c’man, a guy meets a girl or a girl meets a guy and after a couple of ‘hang outs’ they realise they have some chemistry and decide to go into a relationship. I mean in a nutshell this is what it is(or supposed to be) plus or minus a few things. Right? No?
What now makes it so complicated?

Why is it that it takes over your whole life and consumes you when its supposed to complement you and make you a better person?

Why does it make us act silly most of the time instead of helping to fine tune our lives?

So many questions, yet so few answers.

I am no expert and this isn’t entirely original but let’s discuss on certain rules that might/should/could/ help relationships.

1. Dating Rule #1: Don’t Lose Who You Are

Your first priority in a relationship – no matter what kind of a relationship you are in – is to be yourself. To do that, you’ll need to love yourself by ensuring you are ready to date before taking the plunge, as well as having a strong sense of self-worth and esteem.

2. Dating Rule #2: Ensure Every Date is Fun

Not only does trying to make your date happy make you feel good, but it is also one of the first signs of attraction. And studies have shown that when taking someone out on a date, the primary way your date will be determined a success of is how much fun was had. Err? Ok

3. Dating Rule #3: Communicate Well and Clearly

It is impossible to have a healthy relationship without strong communication. In essence, communication is the bridge that forms between partners, helping them create a sacred space in the middle ground where they meet in order to foster love and intimacy. Without clear communication, two people who seem like they are connected romantically to outsiders truly aren’t; instead they just going through the motions, lacking the intimacy they require to move forward, together.

4. Dating Rule #4: Be a Strong Negotiator

When communication alone isn’t enough to weather a relationship through stormy times, negotiation skills come into play. In order to work through the issues that arise in these kinds of circumstances, both partners must be able and willing to negotiate. When done with respect and awareness, negotiation can be the key to unlock a shared bright future.

5. Dating Rule #5: Nurture Your Relationship

All dating relationships require tender loving care in order to thrive. Daily appreciation, respect, attentiveness, reciprocity and kindness all work towards showing your partner that you cherish them and value their contribution to your life.

6. Dating Rule #6: Touch

Now every person in a relationship needs to have that physical connection and needs to ‘feel’ loved and cared for. A cuddle while watching a movie or Afmag, holding hands on the beach, or plain stroking of the hair. Might seem small but trust me it goes a long way, especially for them ladies. 😀 trust me there is a place for physical touch.

7. Dating Rule #7: Space

Its hard for many couples to understand that not every trouble faced or fight must be sorted out by talking about it immediately. Especially for girls, many times a guy just wants to be alone and clear his thoughts. If and when he does that he will call/text you. And by the way this counts also not only when you fight but when he just wants to hang with the guys. Give him that room to just be free without nagging or wanting to tag along. He will miss you soon enough and come crawling back.

8. Dating Rule #8: Trust

Even I don’t know what to write about this but just know it has to be there some how. No and I repeat *shouting* NO relationship will work without trust. You have to let go and let GOD if not there’s no point being in it.

After writing this and looking through them myself, I have but one conclusion: THERE
ARE NO FREAKING RULES AS TO HOW TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP LAST LONGER PERIOD
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Who says if you do all these it will last?
Who says not doing any won’t make it last?
I could have written more but said I should leave them out for you all to share in the comment box.
And also please share anything that has helped you in times past; your words of wisdom could save a relationship today. *winks*

P.S coming from the writer of the ‘DIET’ err #6 might not be the way for everybody. #okbye

Cheers.

dating Tips?

dating Tips?