Relationships on a regular should be about the people involved and their feelings. These days it’s about how much you have at the moment, how much you plan to have in the next few years.
I’m not sure at what point we lost the main focus of relationships and turned it into an emotional business deal. It has become majorly a case of “what shall I gain from this?”.
Personally I do not put much emphasis on money when I’m thinking of relationships, and that is because I can afford most things myself but I have to admit that it is easier being with someone who’s financially stable or to a large extent, independent. I also believe in helping your partner especially when you’ve decided in your heart that this is who you want to be with for a while.
To survive in a relationship in today’s world we need money……. Be it for communication, fun or just basic surviving.
If we are to look at communication, you need money to do this, and in this world where there is a blackberry craze everywhere, you would need to pay for your BIS. And in all honesty, you can’t keep all the communication to blackberry alone because there are some things/feelings which are gotten through speaking/hearing the voice of the other party. And considering the fact that an average person has over 50 contacts on his/her blackberry, as a partner in a relationship, you would need to go the extra mile lest you lost in the crowd.
Heaven help you if you are in a long distance relationship like across the ocean kinda thing. You’d spend more on communication, be it calls, text or good internet for all those your skype dates and others. I guess that is part of the reason why they say LDR isn’t for the faint hearted.
Let us look at the fun aspect of the relationship; because every now and then you need to put spice in your relationship else it starts to feel like a routine. If you want to catch a movie or go kart racing or something as simple as a hangout at the beach you need money especially if you live in Nigeria where all these things are apparently like gold (God knows why though). To continue to spice things up, you need elements of surprise and flowers don’t count for the average Nigerian girl just like boxers don’t count for the average guy. So you’d need to be grand in your surprises, creative too. And this takes time and money (you just might pay someone to do thinking for you).
Nobody wants to date a liability and just be the one giving; it’s not fun and makes the other person feels taken advantage of. I’m a girl and I pay for stuff too. I know there are a lot of girls that feel like they should be taken care of. And there are a lot of guys with ego problems that feel they should do the paying and when the girl gets used to it, they now say she is a gold-digger. First of all, you taught her how to dig the gold……..in short you created the monster so live with it. And there are a lot of girls who take advantage of these “generous” guys and ask for the most ridiculous things on earth e.g freshest newest gadgets, fancy cars, designer this and designer that or the persistent craze with all the Brazillian, Peruvian hair.
There are some weird extreme cases like asking for the guy’s 6months bank statement (I find this a tad uncomfortable since they are not engaged or anything like that). While I know it is important to look at the financial status of the person you are with, I think it is wrong when it becomes the major criteria while considering a relationship. The joy is in growing together, building your life together. You get to appreciate each other more because you know that you went through thin together and are coming out thick. Unlike when you land with a partner who is already swimming in cash and would constantly see you as an accessory and not an equal partner.
The society too plays a major role in this line of thought as well because you bring a partner home to the family and the question of what they do comes up…….where they live…….where they schooled. Some even go as far as asking how often the person travels out of the country.
A male friend once told me this “if you meet a guy who isn’t doing so well, ask him about his past, rate his present, consider his principles not his sweet-spoken nonsense and from there predict his future from all he says and all you can get from his body language”.
I guess in essence he was telling me to judge my partner with my head not my heart as the heart has been known to lead people astray.
No one is saying you should walk blindly into a relationship with someone that cannot meet his/her needs and has no intention of trying. Just make sure that the size of the wallet isn’t your major “attraction”.
There was a point in this life when all you needed for a relationship to work was the commitment of the people involved. Now the commitment can be “bought” because
‘Love isn’t all that matters any more’.
Tosin just shared her views on the role of money in relationships. Agree? Disagree?
What are your takes on the financial aspect to relationships?
when and where should it be be brought in as a criteria in Relationshiposphere?
Do share your view with us using the comment box.